teenage blues

blurking123 SG

I do not know if my advice will be helpful to you since i am only 22 at the moment... i will just tell you the efforts my father has done... He exposed to me to different aspects in life and explained to me the differences of the past and the present... he did not do it in words but in action... he brought me around like go drain for fishing and tell me that not every kid at my age (i was 14 at that time) knows the simplicity of life and fun... whenever i get bad results (example i got 19/100 and 2/20), i will be shivering with fear... yet he will always be calm and ask me to do better next time... what is important is not to set expectations too high but set them as a point you can reach... that is what he told me countless times... and never show the expression that you r disappointed... Remember whatever you r doing, your son will be watching as you are his role model...

i have to agree with one of the posters that other being a father, u have to be a friend... i do not know if i have such capabillity of my father...

Ssirajjj SG

thks for the advice ,i think i must change ,ive been too authorative in the past n its causing him to despise me more i guess hopefully it will work but he seems to be avoiding me , going out with me whenever i call him out .r 14 yr olds feel shy to go out with parents?

Generaljee SG

Get a good religion. Pray that he goes through a human revolution.

blurking123 SG

let nature takes its course... certain things just cannot be forced like asking him to go out with you... Puberty is a rebellious stage... Teenagers want to have their voice and opinion to be heard... i should not say shy to go out but I will say he will think that it might not be enjoyable as compared with his friends... in my case, i waited till my parents are old and i started to become more caring... kind of late... whatever it is, do not give up... being a parent is the toughest "job" ever seen in my opinion...

littlemissbonkers SG

You need to have a good chat with your son.

Get him to sit down and have a serious chat with you.

Even if he walks off halfway, at least you've tried and might even get an idea of what his issues are.

lol

If you keep at the "serious chats", he might even start studying just to get you off his back.

Ssirajjj SG

well ive got two teenage guys n both of them seems to have no interest in simple chats at even if its not about the studying which i know definitely will bore them n will think of it as just a nagging time again ,will any teens please speak up ,if feel that way when ur parents start speakin to u .

_Da_Dood_ SG

one of the factors may be, they think ur too naggy/irritating to a certain extent. U might wanna try to blend into their lifestyle, understand them more thru their way..be flexible, if they cannot accept it this way, try another way...keep trying...majority of such teens are like, "talk to u oso no use...u wont understand one" So, take a diffeent approach...do activities that they like with them..speak their lingo, thus earning their trust and comfortability ( if theres such word ) to speak their mind with u. Patience is a virtue...

the_fallen SG

TS: Don't worry about your son..

Just let him be the way he wants..

I was previously in that situation..as a retained Sec 3 express student too..

Don't get overly worried than your son if he himself isn't concern about his future..

Letting him fail his examinations isn't a bad thing..in fact..if you let him rot..when he fails, or is given the special permission to resit for exam again to get to sec 4, he will than wake up his idea..

no point worrying, giving undue stress on yourself when your son isn't at least bothered at the moment..

Let him fail, if the school didn't give any chance of resit for exams to go to sec 4 express, so be it..let him retain in sec 3 express..that 1 yr of repeat schooling with peers 1yr younger can either strengthen or weaken your son..

what i went through back than..was to question myself, my future..who's responsible for my future..is it my parents or myself..

so if you are worried for your son more than your son himself..he will have the idea and thinking of "okay, since my mom is more worried than me, my mom is responsible for my future, so I need not work so hard since she worries/poke her nose so much into things..so she's obliged to take care of me"

take note that when your son shows this kind of thinking and mindset...you are in deep trouble..for you will be having to pick up if not clear the mess every time your son commits a mistake in future..be it debts, fighting, arugement etc..

rather than helping him now, let him fail..if he can wake up his idea..its good for both you and him..if he doesn't at least he knows he is in-charge and in control of his own life..that year of repeating sec 3, is when he thinks for himself..

regardless of what you do..your son will eventually grow up, but don't show that you're concern about his future..let him be..you will benefit either way..(the only temporary lose is face as a adult for son having to repeat..)but in years to come..your son will make you proud as a adult..to take responsibility for his own actions..than to depend on their parents for back-up.. (see,ask and read up, how many weddings out there are based on financial help from parents with children helpess on financial aspect.)

what kind of son you want him to be..you decide..

PS: sorry for the lengthy post..

fallen.

Fire Cracker SG

Time for ROTAN.

NO more pocket money. No more good food. STUDY or KANA ROTAN.

it'll work. it's good for him.

Ssirajjj SG

thks for the good advices that you all have given me i hope only good will happen to him since its absolutely correct that its not easy to raise a child alone , very frustrating having to work n go home n face the problems they r creating with not much backing n the education just too difficult for them to cope n im worrried that they wont have a good future n i only hope that the child will realise bfore its too late ,guess too much worring thats killing the parents nowadays ,only hope the teenagers will realise n make things easier for the parents

voltrons. SG

lols. Well, im like 21 this year. I reacted somewhat like your son a few years back. But i have improved slightly i tink.

Personally, there are many factors that cause your bad relations betweens your kids.

i speak from a teen point of view. Some parents just scold/speak what they thinks is right, but from a teen view, we just feel why don't you listen and understand what i m doing/saying? Therefore, teen won't speak to parents about any problem.

Besides that, not that he doesn't like goin out with you or is shy going out with you. Perhaps he just dislike some habits of you or perhaps the way you do things when you guys are out together. Thats why he is reacting this manner.

On top of that, childhood impression is god damn important to a kid/teen. Things that you hurt them direct/indirectly will leave a scar in them. Not sure if you left one in them.

And i believe the more you scold/control him, the more he rebel. So beware of this.

Some things change for me after my dad had cancer. things then gradually improve after being enlightened during a overseas volunteer work.

Well, not sure if it helps. But if you understand your child psychologically, you would definitely change things.

Just my 2cents worth of thoughts ;)

Ssirajjj SG

good thoughts u ve given me something to think about ,though i do wish to hear from more teens n parents if they face the same problem as me

Ssirajjj SG

ive also tried offering him money if gets good result ,dosnt seem to help much n has no interest in money

voltrons. SG

lol. i tink money is the last thing you wanna offer. cause it hardly helps in this kind of cases. lols.

CutePenguin SG

If you need help in discplining ur sons , i will be more then willing to help .

Ssirajjj SG

how do u think i should disciplin him?

CutePenguin SG

how do u think i should disciplin him?

leave em to the professionals , coz no matter what u do or say will only fall on deaf ears. Sit back and relax and wait for results . Just pay the fees that is involved. I will be more then happy to help .

voltrons. SG

Hmmm, some things you have to do it personally. Not by getting someone to do it.

Even if you really need someone to do it. Get a volunteer councillor from some association. I believe they are more professional in this area with plenty of experiences.

Xcert SG

Who are the professionals?U?

« Previous Page