why is it her all the time?

Jx9 SG

My daughter is very enthusisatically volunteering and applying for sch activities such as committees, overseas trips (involving interviews and things like that). However she is never able to get through. Normally if it is just one time it wouldn't be so bad, but not being successful despite applying so many times has caused her to be very disappointed. She naturally lacks self-confidence, and failing so many times has excerbated this trait.

She seems crushed by the many failures to get into the programs that she applied for, and like she is always the one who gets rejected and eliminated all the time. For one particular CIP there would only be one person who would be dropped before they let the others through, and it was her. This makes it seem like she is always the odd one out, and gives a sense of inferiority, like she thinks "this person is more talented" or "smarter" or "more creative". As a working mother, I don't really have time to know about everything that goes on in school (she doesn't allow me to attend any of her school functions) but I am concerned about this. If I were her, I would feel that the people who rejected her are stupid and get angry, instead of crying about it. How can I get the message across to her so that she can pick herself up and move on instea of wallowing in self-pity? If I comfort her I would only be agreeing that she is inferior.

Perhaps I should let her reflect on the requirements of the program and compare it with herself, instead of letting her jump to conclusions that she was intentionally rejected. This way she could deal with the failure better.

Any advice on how to solve this problem and increase her confidence? I am also confused about why she was not selected.

dechang SG

Do things that she is good at lor..

TTFU SG

Spend more time with her then, why did she get rejected ? I havent heard of people volunteering and getting rejected

Aldinosaur SG

Ya since when CIP will drop people one, let alone obviously excluding a single girl out

Junyang700 SG

She should have volunteered for YOG. Did she?

Fcukpap SG

find time to discuss with her form teacher or principal....and letting them know about the problems...this is very important

like what the above said, spend more time to find out what her strengths and praise her more often.....

lavish a good deal of success stories of great men/ women through failures....reprogrammed her perception and attitudes towards success from an early stage ...that would prepare her for greater obstacles in life when she grows up....

good luck!

Arapahoe SG

Sound like you have quite alot to catch up with your relation with your daugther. its never too late.

So what needs to address:

1) She is not confiding in you so you can't penetrate into her activities and give her the encouragement that you want to.

2) Your goal is not to help her to get whatever activities but to help her to gain confident and most notably help her to improve herself and her quality so that she can get where she wanted. (See the diff.... )

3) be there when she need emotional support and consol let her know you appreciate how much she is trying.....Give pointers to her to self improvement, if she is old enough and tell her not to "give up" recognized and Said to her you appreciate the fact that she " want to do it herself that means she is learning how to pull up her socks and move forward".....

Remember Positive encourage goes along way.......

Some thought:

Your daughter has an early start learning about life. She is to learn the skill of solving life problems your job is to help her to see and learn in this process and growth.

Best Wishes......

the_fallen SG

TS: if your daughter is constantly facing difficulty in being accepted in volunteering services, than perhaps it might be due to academic concerns first as that's one of the factor they consider first before volunteers are accepted.

in order not to trample on her ego and let her sink deeper, you might want to help her our by bringing her to non-school assoicated charity organizations to do volunteering services..this way, she will feel accepted, and be rewarded as times goes by..

when school side requires her to fullfill a certain limit of CIP (community involvement project/program) hrs, than all it takes is just a simple request from the charity organization will do..

this way you not only give her a unique volunteering service which none of her peers might have, but also a wider scope of vision for her to appreciate people/animals which your daughter will be helping out..

Go to old-folks home, spca, Red Cross, Slavation Army, Religious temples or buildings, dialect groups to help out etc..this way via interaction with adults, she grows up faster (mentally) via learning from adults experiences.

Choose a group for her yourself or you can discuss it together with her and respect her own opinions.

Genie99a SG

Any advice on how to solve this problem and increase her confidence? I am also confused about why she was not selected.

First of all, the reason she does not want you to interfere is because she wants to be independent and does not want her peers (classmates or teachers) to feel that she is a mummy's girl/boy. I feel you should not interfere.

However if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I have a gut feeling that she just doesn't want you to interfere with school life. That does not mean you cannot "interfere" through other means and increase her confidence. Of cos this would cost a little money but I think it might be worth it to make your gem happy.

I quote an example. Say she is trying to get into the school orchestra but because of limited vacancies she is left out either because she wasn't good enough or plain unlucky. Good to know that whilst talent helps perseverence and interest are the main ingredients to achieve success in most things. Get her into a commercial school? She will be happy and her skills will improve.... so that the next time she applys for the school orchestra .... shall we say that the chances are alot higher?

However please understand that she has to WANT it. IF she wants it ... you can help her achieve it ...not by interfering with her "sense of independence" but by asking if she would be interested in joining a commercial music school during her spare time to become better at what she likes.

Kind Regards

Genie

parn SG

Any advice on how to solve this problem and increase her confidence? I am also confused about why she was not selected.

She needs to do well or better in her studies first. Then just be pleasant enough for people to select her to be class monitoress, then also take part in a few important activities organised by the few important teachers in school. Displayed enough initiatives to her teachers to be elected as Head Prefect.

If she needed confidence from the people around her, then she needs to go and earn that confidence even though she need to be dishonest with her true personality.

Isn't life all about 'make believe' anyway?