Should i confess about my past ?

last SG · 2010-08-24T22:12:29+00:00

It makes no difference whether u confess or not cos; it is anguish and guilt that is unsettling u now. It is self-created by you and till u reconcile to it w...

pokka77 SG

Deleted by TS

bladez87 SG

just tell. if he really cant accept it now, he will not be able to in future. pain now better than in future.

fudgester SG

In the first place, why are you still in touch with that married man you had an affair with?

That is a VERY big no-no.

My suggestion is to sever all ties with that married man, platonic or not. You are being very unfair to your boyfriend by still keeping in touch with that fella.

pokka77 SG

Deleted by TS

pokka77 SG

Deleted by TS

a-Lost-9uY SG

hi TS, i guess u have only 2 choices..

(1) is to tell him the whole truth

(2) to hide this secret r/s of urs from him forever

gunner77 SG

Somethings are better left unknown.

Allergo 99 SG

I kinda agreed with Gunner77

Something are better left unknown_ why worry so much move on with this new single man and be happy why worry so much, end of the day who don’t want to be happy?

Once bitten twice shy u can’t risk your happiness over your past – but my two cents worth of another advice _ end the relationship with the married man lar!!

Lokey SG

It is up to you.

But let me ask do you tell your mom and dad everything? If you don't, what more about your current bf? Being together does not meant that you have to tell him what you do exactly everyday since 3 years old. There is a limited degree of privacy. Unless he ask then you answer him tactfully.

Poignant SG

Somethings are better left unknown.

I agree, but this is surely not one of those things.

CannyOng SG

My suggestion sever ties with the married man and keep this secret to yrself.

jojobeach SG

Don't be foolish.

Your past is the past. There is no need to let him know too much detail.

All he needs to know is that you were in a on- and- off relationship with another partner.And you are no longer in contact with the past.

Your past partner is married or not, it is not an issue and he shouldn't make it one.

Everyone has a past, his ain't that perfect either. And what good will digging the past do for anyone ? None so far.

Unless you have medical issues like past infection with STDs or you are recently exposed to high risk sex. These are information you must divulge.

Save yourself some headache. Being honest doesn't means you have to go into unecessary details.

Fallen-Angel SG

Ya no need to tell him everything. If u broke off with the married man, willingly to change & not get involved with anyone other than ur boyfriend (when you get attached), im sure everyhing its gonna be ok.

TTFU SG

What matters now is the future. Cut all ties with this married man and continue a new life with your BoyF.

Aldinosaur SG

From your post I think it's obvious you feel strongly about this issue and that you actually feel you must tell him one way or another. Am I right to say that?

But anyway, I agree with some of the others here. It's really up to you. Everyone has a past, but it's just that, the past. It's not like you have to tell him every single detail anyway.

jgho83 SG

I think you still have feelings for your ex. if u do, u better dont have a new bf. it will be hard.

Arapahoe SG

TS,

Sound like there are 2 seperate issue here...

first is your guilt level that you need to address....certainly no point in holding your guilt till you get sick. or develop some mental or terminal illness.

Even if it is not this guy another guy comes along you still have to face the delimma. Its going to be with you for life. So i suggest you somehow reconcil with your sense of guilt. Accept the past as "misguided emotion" or get some spiritual help to move on

2nd

Will telling the past relationship hurt the new relationship....sometime especially during argument may hurt alot more.

I would suggest you so call stop or delay turning this relationship into a "steady" or get into physical intimate but start engaging into a much deeper conversation and really get to know him and get connected at the emotional level first.

"If you have to tell" you want to tell him when both of you are at a mature level where you are emotionally connected and safe not at SEX level.

Look at it this way maybe you have to learn relationship does not necessary start with physical intimacy and "commitment" takes effort and works.

the_fallen SG

Below are some of the options which you may consider"

1) Tell the truth to your bf and face the music/reality

2) Keep the secret to yourself & risk the day he either find out the hard way via catching you red handed or you both catch each other red handed

Why #1: It will help you determine if your bf is a worthy guy for you to accept your past, if he does, its time for you to have a clean break with your ex-bf immediately

Why #2: Keeping secrets will keep the status quo as it is right now, but it is based on a weak/false impression & foundation in the air with no trust..and you don't want this to be spread among the guys/group you both hang around in..(singapore is way to small not to have common 1st to 2nd degree friends)..you can choose to live in the secret and have the best of both worlds, but you know it's not a solid relationship..

My advice: Speak nothing but the truth, short-term is better than long-term hurt from a failed relationship, you need to take responsibility for your own actions..

Word of wisdom >> Your past actions determines the results you are having now and whatever you do now in present tense will affect your way of life in the future..

Question: Ask yourself what kind of future do you want to live in? Happiness (with a partner who will accept your past and embrace you) or Misery (having to hide, conceal a secret forever which is a self-torture in a way)

themoment86 SG

either you be honest, tell him..he can't accept your past..then he is not worth it..what past has past, tell him is because you wanna be clean and not hide anything from him

you don't tell him, one day he finds out while the relationship is running deep and he wanna break off with u...both will be hurt..and he will never trust you ever again..

binZ SG

Dear TS,

To keep things simple, as a rule of thumb, I would suggest that if a close associate or someone who you are willing to reveal your private matters, ask you a direct question regarding your past relationships or anything for that matter, just answer truthfully and hopefully, this chap takes your reply positively.

On the other hand, if he chose not to ask, I don't see a need for you to reveal your past.

You cannot change the past, but you can definately look forward to your future. Whenever you are in doubt, remember the rule of thumb.

Before I end this, I would like to remind you that no matter whose advice you take, it is ultimately YOUR decision. None of us are going to be any better or worse off by the decision you choose to take.

Cheers!