My daughter goes to her grandma's house too often!

kenn3th SG

yes i'm not jealous but just worried that she'll be misled and spoilt...

I don't think she will be misled as compared to people who engage in bad company and smoke, have underage sex.

Spoilt, well, it depends on your mother in law, it's more of protect than spoiling her.

Junyang700 SG

You must be quite evil... Thats why your daughter keep going to grandma house to siam away from you.

novelltie SG

i was brought up by my grandmother since i was very young. my parents will leave me there from monday to friday and "collect" me over the weekends.

later when i'm in upper primary school, i will then go home every evening when my mum finish work and fetch me home from grandma's until sec 1 when of course, adolescence sets in in the later years...

today, i'm close to my parents and still close to my grandma... but now with a family of my own i don't visit her that often... my bad... sigh, i'm sorry grandma... love you still, lots!

TS, i think your worries are quite unfounded... grandma always taught me to love my parents more and to not "torture" them with my antics and she implanted the filial piety mindset in me since young. she also shared my father's history with me and i know how hard his life has been since young. with that perspective, i understand my father more and why he does things this way, that way... i must say learning from grandparents are virtues from a different era which is lacking in today's society. of course not all she taught could be relevant in today's context but if your daughter absorb only the positives from her grandmother, all is not so bad afterall.

Arapahoe SG

TS,

Change the way of your Parenting style...

Start by going to your inlaw hosue often and after dinner come back home with your daughter.....Get that Gees.

Also your daughter is a Teen she is giving you message day 2 day.....so maybe you might want to change from controling parent to becoming "Her Friend"

Start to come down to her level and move away from controling parent. Stop judging her......She maybe seeking Space from your controlling style. but at the same time she might be seeking affection that she is not getting from you but grandmother.

Have you ever had a "Girl Time out" alone with your Daughter / s

dangerboi SG

Elves320 SG

TS,

Change the way of your Parenting style...

Start by going to your inlaw hosue often and after dinner come back home with your daughter.....Get that Gees.

Also your daughter is a Teen she is giving you message day 2 day.....so maybe you might want to change from controling parent to becoming "Her Friend"

Have you ever had a "Girl Time out" alone with your Daughter / s

Hmm true, i know that her rebellion is inevitable. maybe its because i didn't spend much time with her during her childhood. well trying to become her 'friend' is somehow an engaging thought. i will try not to limit her freedom and see how it goes.

btw, there's nothing wrong between my mother in law and I :)

ShrodingersCat SG

btw, there's nothing wrong between my mother in law and I :)

Then besides the fear that she 'treats grandma's home more like her own home',

what is the real fear that you have? Cos.. besides maternal insecurity.. there's nothing essentially wrong with it. Humans are creatures of habit - she already formed the habit of being comfortable at Ah Ma's house, it is hard for her to change it without any push/pull factor.

Why not plan some activity that you can spend with her at least ONE weekday and make it a 'date'?

Arapahoe SG

btw, there's nothing wrong between my mother in law and I :)

yeah "Girl time out" is like go out together and do some "nail" or something both of you enjoy "together secretly" don't even let your husband know.....take the afternoon off from work find some thing to do with your daughter together. Break the routine once in a while it bring out fresh perspective. Your daughter will see it. she is old enough.

There are 2 perspective on this....

1) children will growth up so shifting of parenting style from control - guiding/mentoring by friendship. She will gain confident and better in school work.....You kind of have to take proactive step to bond with her at every "stage" or else her friends and internet will take over. before the eventual "let GO"....

2) Sometime you kinda of have to recall what you like and do at her age and lower yourself down to that level to be her friends.

Remember : if you got something negative to say just hold your tongue for "Girls time out". Just have fun. non judging.

themoment86 SG

get her grandma to stay with you...no bad influence...more bonding..one stone kill 2 bird. i am not kidding..

Elves320 SG

for the suggestion on outing... i think the 2 of us pretty much don't have a common topic of interest and i expect her to give me short answers to my questions, if conversation does not work. i'm afraid she'll alienate me even more when she becomes irritated by my questions..

and i can't get her grandma to move... it's too inconvenient for her

dukedracula SG

girls this age enjoy shopping, do shopping & lunch but not over-do it to spoil her, just some trendy items and such as a handphone, bag or something teenage girls like....and no questions, just a day of fun....

Arapahoe SG

Then besides the fear that she 'treats grandma's home more like her own home',

Why not plan some activity that you can spend with her at least ONE weekday and make it a 'date'?

TS is right in wanting to assert maternal identity rather than grandmother. There are roles here. Thats how you bring up kids.

Arapahoe SG

and i can't get her grandma to move... it's too inconvenient for her

Hmmm.....i think you need some practice and certainly need to do homework on getting her "trust" before you can proceed.......start gathering information of what you know about your daughter?

Determind the moment to talk to her when both of you are in syn. Eventually you have to find the right moment.........you know it when it happen.

Take a few moment each Day and Visualized those "right moments" and visualized those "Happy" activities that "both" can do together.

i think some preparation such as

1) reflecting what you were like when you were her age? How do you speak at that age and what was actual intend?

2) list down what you think she likes vs what you enjoy.

3) Do you know her friends at school? (Do you notice your daughter don't have friends at school?)

4) when is her birthday do you ever give her a "birthday Bash" invite her friends small group? Teen birthday party and kids birthday are different. (that is the easyest thing to do to be part of her life! organized birthday )

5) Did you know by building relationship between you and her; help your daughter to learn how to make friends in school.

5) Activities helps to break the ice. you probably need to work on "Trust" from her. You must have hurt her at some point that you didn't even realized.

6) Friends don't judge but have fun together.....and can relate.

If you can't relate now....how do you proceed to the next topics.......

7)she is a girl....eventual "girls talk" share with her your first crush..."she will be shock" who is mom!!!........what i am trying to say is you have to break down first before she does. bring your level down let her see you were once like her..... Tell her is perfectly normal to be interested in boys....the do's and don'ts

You certainly do not want her to learn flowers and bees from friends and internet.....So this "Friends thing is more important for you as a parent.....You want her to come to you in confident when she has questions on bees and flowers.

What is not

1) you sit in your room and tell your daughter you wanna be friends.......she is going to give you the strange Look.......and stay far away.

2) don't asked question......if she don't like so long as you know she isn't going to Take drugs or get pregnant.

3) Don't use her information to judge her. she will stay away you for a long time.....

All these takes time.....Good luck.

mancha SG

Maybe she's getting money from her grandma.

Extract SG

TS u dun cook at home do u? And i never hear you mention ur hubby where is he all this while?

« Previous Page