last week, out of the blue, someone close scolded me non-stop
for 30 min. throughout, he scolded me stupid, idiot and
ridiculed me as a person and my life, like i am the worst person on
earth. i just let him scold. i am amazed at my
calm.
even though i was calm during the time he was scolding, his
words stuck in my consciousness. the next day the feelings of
sadness and hurt started to creep in. for the next three days
i was depressed. i could not study, concentrate and think
clearly. i was fidgety and restless. whenever i sat
down and tried to do my work, tears welled up in my eyes. i
felt the hurt strongly.
coincidentally the three days were crucial period leading up to
a project deadline. so despite trying hard for 3 days to
complete my part of the project, i could not come up with anything
because i was blocked to write anything. this caused delay
and inconvenience to my teammates. i feel bad but i know in
my heart that i had tried my best. they all thought that i
was lazy and purposely delay, but i didn't.
at work, my restlessness showed. i had difficulty making
up my mind. i couldn't stick to plan. the hurtful words dwell
in my mind all the time.
in spite of what people say, to ignore and let go and move on
when we meet unpleasant situations such as this, it is not
easy. unpleasant experiences do have an impact on us.
we get affected. our work gets affected. it is not so
easy to "let go, stop blaming, move on, get a life".
anyway i have decided to leave this hell hole. i no longer
want such people to entrap me in a negative cycle when i spent a
big part of my life trying very hard to get out of it.
I think you have allowed these people to do such things in your
life far too often and frequently already.
That's probably why you are finally feeling crushed from all
these accumulative damages.
Maybe it's time for you to make a stand and protect your own
feelings.
Nobody should be allowed to disturb your peace. Period.
