addicted to suffering

ahjenn SG

is it possible that a person is addicted to suffering ?

when i was growing up, i suffered fm a major depression. then i got better through great efforts. my life was cruising along well (high pay, high flying executive) till i decided to make a career switch. it was a road less travelled. i had to have a big pay cut and sacrifice material comforts in my life. i felt i was being called... i had to take the leap as i had become disillusioned in day to day life even though on the surface it was going well. i am now a few years on this journey. i was (am) lost, found myself and lost again. 2 years ago, i was supposed to complete an important goal but didn't. hence my metamorphosis went through a miscarriage. now i am stuck. i am a changed person but i have lost the facility to proceed to the desired destination due to the accident.

like what i have described in an earlier thread ("what should i do"), i am now faced with the option of retreating to where i left behind.

i feel that i have failed. when i look back at my life, i see that the starting point of all this pursuits is the major depression in my growing up years. at that time, i lost my life direction and was broken into pieces, such that the only driving force in my life thereafter is to find myself, to integrate myself into a whole person. despite these efforts, i have failed.

now i am into another episode of depression.

why my life like that ? why can't i just sort it out in my head and be like everyone else and stop thinking about these issues ???

even as i now have the option of going back to the materially well-off life, i have a fear that i will lose myself again. i feel that i will get closer to my "destination" only through suffering.

i feel anxiety. i am here but i think i have to be elsewhere due to circumstances, however elsewhere is not where i want to be. i want to be there but i can't get there. i can't be present. i feel restless, lost and helpless.

littlemissbonkers SG

Orh you like suffering ah?

I can help with that!

*cracks knuckles*

Seriously, you know you have depression, yet you're still not looking for ways to treat your condition ==> counselling, therapy.

Maybe you're just addicted to Complaining.

No one can help you unless you seek help for yourself first. And by seeking help, I don't mean posting an account of your "miserable" life in Aunt Agony.

~PEPPER~ SG

Orh you like suffering ah?

I can help with that!

*cracks knuckles*

Seriously, you know you have depression, yet you're still not looking for ways to treat your condition ==> counselling, therapy.

Maybe you're just addicted to Complaining.

No one can help you unless you seek help for yourself first. And by seeking help, I don't mean posting an account of your "miserable" life in Aunt Agony.

Counsuelling may be helpful.

TTFU SG

is it possible that a person is addicted to suffering ?

like what i have described in an earlier thread ("what should i do"), i am now faced with the option of retreating to where i left behind.

now i am into another episode of depression.

why my life like that ? why can't i just sort it out in my head and be like everyone else and stop thinking about these issues ???

even as i now have the option of going back to the materially well-off life, i have a fear that i will lose myself again. i feel that i will get closer to my "destination" only through suffering.

Depression. Take some time off and see a doctor. Resign and seek another job if it really doesnt suit u

Rooney9 SG

this thread sounded similar if I am not wrong. read it somewhere before, contents similar.

Chester_Lim SG

Go see a shrink

~PEPPER~ SG

Yah seeing shrink nt a bad idea.

koet SG

TS are you still quite young ? don't despair. many if not most successful people fail before they succeed. life is of ups and downs. pick yourself up. work hard. try to find motivation. i am sure you can succeed if you put your mind and heart to it.

like you said, you were in major depression but got out of it. so you can get out of it again. it will pass. good luck

Hugh Hefner SG

TS, you are not revealing a lot of info. So I cannot really help you much. But your depression problem stems from high competition and expectation life in Singapore. Trouble with Singaporeans is that the life is so challenging, tough and competitive tat we all forget to pause for a moment, go for nature walk and take breath of life. If one project fails go to the next. For sure everybody is scared about trying to go back or do something new. There is a lot of risk. Access your options and weigh your finances properly before you do something risky. Don't look back, look forward. I read some Singaporeans complain about dull and slow life in Canada. But you know, it is just that most of us don't know how to enjoy life, we compare ourselves with the person next to us who happens to be more successful and enjoy family life balance. We should not do that, we should take the path of our lifes on our own road not other people road.

If you take big paycut you also have to take into consideration of other factors. Example, do you enjoy the job, the people and the environment? Do not despair just because your project don't work well. You must preservere. Estimate to do your project within 2 or 3 years. After 3 years if you don't like it, then move on. Don't leave at short notice or your resume will look bad. Employers want to see if you can take the struggle of a job, take the challenge. Not everything is as bad as it looks.

Rainbow Jigsaw SG

is it possible that a person is addicted to suffering ?

like what i have described in an earlier thread ("what should i do"), i am now faced with the option of retreating to where i left behind.

now i am into another episode of depression.

why my life like that ? why can't i just sort it out in my head and be like everyone else and stop thinking about these issues ???

even as i now have the option of going back to the materially well-off life, i have a fear that i will lose myself again. i feel that i will get closer to my "destination" only through suffering.

As you didn't say what exactly was the "road less travelled" you went onto after your career switch, I would assume that it's something meaningful and benefits others besides yourself.

From your partial description, I gather that you could have been about to be connected to your purpose in life, but unfortunately, you are not strong (in various aspects) enough to handle the challenges and life lessons that you needed to learn. If you had, you will not be at your current situation. But all things happen in Life for a reason, and there is no room for regrets. It is time again for you to go deeper into yourself to truly know yourself, and not be influenced by external forces which may not be for your highest good.

If you think you're addicted to suffering, you'll forever be suffering, no matter what you do. If you feel that that what you've gone through were meant for you to learn and improve yourself for the future, then your future has a much higher chance to be better, if you put in the necessary effort. Life is all about personal choices. You may want to first think better of yourself, and love yourself for the person that you truly are, before trying to solve your bigger life issues.

http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/06/importance-of-self-love.html

Rainbow Jigsaw of Life

ahjenn SG

As you didn't say what exactly was the "road less travelled" you went onto after your career switch, I would assume that it's something meaningful and benefits others besides yourself.

http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/06/importance-of-self-love.html

Rainbow Jigsaw of Life

yes, you are right in saying that i was about to "connect with my purpose in life" till an accident happened which derailed and wrecked me. it was like building a house with great efforts and time spent, only to be burnt down overnight by arson. this is the state of devastation i feel.

i am slowly picking myself up. my confidence was badly shaken and self doubt often pervades my consciousness. my self esteem and sense of self worth are badly damaged. many people who are jealous of my past achievements would like to see me fall and trample over me. but i will not remain fallen. i will not accept defeat. i know i can do it. i have the ability. i will come back.

thanks to the folks who offered encouragement one way or another.

TTFU SG

thanks to the folks who offered encouragement one way or another.

Glad to know that. Theres no forever suffering and forever pain. You can seek help with a counsellor about what has happened. After a thunderstorm theres always a rainbow. All the best.

Rainbow Jigsaw SG

thanks to the folks who offered encouragement one way or another.

I feel you have quite a number of major personal inner issues that need to be settled and healed first, before you can find balance in your life.

For a start, you may want to worry less about people's perceptions of you. It's a very common problem (though many people will not understand or see it as a problem):

We tend to be overly concerned about what others think and say about us, to the extent that we lose our true selves. It's your own life that you are leading. Own it. Run it the way that will make you happiest and most fulfilled. If you're constantly worrying or reacting to others' perceptions or words, it'll be extremely hard for you to find true happiness.

Rainbow Jigsaw of Life