Thanks for the feedback, some are
kind while some are appalling, but feedback nonetheless. To share
more information and also the response to some of the
feedback...
TTFU - Indeed, maybe my conclusion
is flawed. I no longer see my parents anymore, it's been a long
time so I think I just have to move on somehow. I have difficulties
sharing about my private life even to close friends so getting
professional help from a total stranger is difficult. Also, never
thought that jealousy might have been a positive thing, thanks for
sharing and expanding my knowledge.
russiabear - Yep, I'm almost 30. I
just use Maths to round up, you know, 25 round up becomes 30. I am
not even 29. I agree with you in the sense that my dream might be
somewhat unrealistic. That's possibly my problem, having extremely
high expectations and goals and if I can't get them, I feel so
disappointed in myself, like feeling so stupid and useless. My
thinking is, if my friends can do it (they already did and
graduated even and they are in their mid twenties!), so can
I.
MaNyZeR - I agree with you totally.
Actually I think studying life is one of the best things to do in
life, I absolutely love it. MBA and Ph.D salaries doesn't differ
much, if it's for the money, logically it's better for me to take
another MBA to benefit more financially. My life is simple in the
sense that I don't buy branded stuff, I don't even buy a car (back
then I could afford it) and my monthly expense is just $400 for
food and transport.
jojobeach - Yes, I am currently
working. Yes, I am on good terms with my family until I moved out
and over time, you know... To answer the rest of the questions,
here's what happened. Some years back, I was doing my MBA and in a
stroke of pure luck, my business was doing well. During that year,
I made $100k. I used the money to pay off my school fees, my
relatives borrowed money from me and I gave them (never ask for it
back knowing their situation), helped out some of my friends, pay
part of my brother's loanshark repayments, gave some to my parents
including their CNY red packets, pay off the office rental and
staff, invested in another business and lost money, buying myself a
queen size bed and replace some old furniture in my room, bought
alot of books and a couple bookshelves. This is when the good
fortune came.
And then you guys know about the
most recent recession some time back? I lost everything in my
business and owe the bank lots of money, more than $20k. I'm flat
broke. On normal months, my bank account is either 1 digit or if
lucky, 3 digits, seldom do I have more than $1000. I was in most
simple words, down and out, even poorer than a beggar. No choice, I
had to find a job to pay back the banks every month. I was so
broke, I had to cancel the Starhub Cable TV and some other things
in the house that I was paying for. I also had to stop giving my
parents monthly allowances. For the initial few months, my parents
never say anything, I was glad so. At least I have some air to
breath. Then came a day when my mum said something hurtful to me
and I really don't have money to give to her. I packed my things
and moved out the very next day, vacant my room and spend the last
dollars I have to pay for the maxi cab to move out.
In the sense that I am lucky
because everytime I am in deep shit, I have friends who are willing
to help me out and spare me a place in their house for free. But I
can only stay so long because I am both embarrassed and shameful to
trouble others. But grateful I am, because in your darkest of
times, you can see who are your true friends.
Now to answer your questions.
During that time, no I don't have money to pay rental. Without my
friends, I will be sleeping in the streets. After paying off the
bank loans, I have at max maybe $200 for food and transport. And
that's after cutting off all the unnecessary bills that I am paying
before, such as the Starhub Cable TV. And I don't watch TV, it's
for my parents.
I was never angry over my education
matters because it's my choice to study, it's my sole
responsibility to pay for it. I have been working and sustaining my
studying habits after coming out from secondary school. I would
have been happy if my parents paid for even just my polytechnic
school fees, but it never happen. I'm disappointed but what can I
do.
Studying is a passion for me. Some
people love cars, some people love shopping, some people love
women, I love studying (and women lol). I don't know what I am
going to use the paper cert for, maybe when I am in the toilet and
there's no paper around, I could at least clean myself? Ok,
actually, I love to learn, that's what education is for. Some
people when they have little money left, they put in bank or they
buy themselves a good meal, I tend to buy books. Unfortunately
books from bookstores don't come with certs.
Hugh Hefner - I think I might just
be suffering from mid life crisis. What is happening, I'm so lack
of motivation in life. Last time, I have this goal to strive to do
well and become successful so that I can give my family and friends
a good life. Then I lost everything and had to struggle back and
when you're down and out and you thought family members are the
ones who will be there for you and ends up they are not there for
you (but my friends were), I guess I'm a normal person and I will
feel down.
Bhw33 - Yep yep, I agree with you
on the purpose of getting a phd. Financially, it doesn't make
sense, but if you want to do research and enter academia, it does.
I will watch the YouTube clip after this. And since I am not going
to study at this current situation, I also never think so much
about what subject thesis I wanna do. So much stress now, think
less think less.
Arapahoe - Thanks. I am unlikely to
call but if I do feel damn depressive or something, I
will.
littlemissbonkers - Yep, parents
have every right to ask their children to get out of the house. I
agree. However, everything has the its right place and right time.
It's very bad timing when I don't even have money to sleep at hotel
81 for 1 day!
I also agree that we can study
anywhere and everywhere. However, you cannot deny that society
places such huge importance on certifications. If you want to work
in a hospital and you go to an interview and you say, I read
everything on medical and I understand everything, assuming you
indeed do, what is the realistic chance that the hospital will
employ you to do surgery for their patients? Similarly, if you want
to be an English teacher, assuming you can speak perfect excellent
English during the interview but you only passed Primary 6 PSLE
(yeah you absolutely love reading/writing), you think the school
will employ you despite your perfect excellent English? I am just
being realistic.
Regarding my mindset, I can't
answer you. I have my happy moments and I have my down moments. I
am at times optimistic and then at times pessimistic.
Chester_Lim - Abit unfortunate. I
am not just a guy, but very ugly also. Unless the girl has some
weird fetish for ugly guys, I think abit hard to go down that
route.
january - My family quite poor,
they don't make much money, so if they want to do something, they
have their reasons. Whether I give them money depends on my
financial situation, if I have money, I will give every month, if I
am out of a job and totally no income, then I have to stop giving.
During that time, I am not only without income, but I have banks
chasing me for loan repayments every month, how to give? Don't eat
ah? Somemore during that time recession, job very hard to find.
Imagine that time I already so stressed, banks calling almost
daily, damn frustrated. Don't know how to explain, if you guys want
to experience it, don't pay your bank for 6 months and you'll
understand exactly that thing I experience, haha. I even filed the
lawyer letters to remember my lessons. Maybe one day I will frame
them up.
jojobeach - Hmmm. If your reason
for a person being a selfish brat is because the parents put him
through to university and want more, then I am definitely NOT one.
They did paid for up till my Secondary school education, but I
mean, ain't parents supposed to do that for their kids, the most
basic?
Back at that time, I have really no
money for rental. So giving my parents the rental is out of the
question. NOW, of course I can afford to pay rental and pay my
parents the rental BUT I won't do it. Firstly, the room is already
rented out. I even asked my brother to help look for someone to
fill the place fast and I even post online for tenants to move in
so that it's not wasted. Secondly, the issue is not really the
money, is it?
Did I ever think about taking care
of my parents? Truth is, I did. Back then, I even set my death will
to give the majority of my assets and CPF money to my mum. That's
was when I was still making good money. Now the closest to me is no
longer my parents. I realize there are others who care about me
alot more. I have quite a few very close friends, and they are very
close to me after going through all the down points in my life and
they pick me up from the shit hole I put myself in. Similarly, I
helped them out before as well, so I guess over time, we're very
close.
Of the things you said, I think we
only share the same sentiments that if we want rewards, we need to
earn it ourselves.
Haiz. I don't know your parents. But I know that you carry a lot
of emotional baggage. No matter what kind of parents ur parents
are, if you live without forgiveness, you will be very miserable.
Nobody is perfect. Some parents are nice, some parents are nasty
and some parents are even worse. But as long as your parents never
physically or sexually abuse you, they are still functional
parents. You have to take in their defects and make peace with
them. First thing, if you want to be happy is make peace with your
parents. Don't expect your friends to be there for you. Friends can
get frustrated if you rely too much on them. But having friends is
good too. I have been sent overseas to work for quite some time now
so I don't have many friends where I am. But I still keep in touch
occassionally via msn messenger and FB and occassional phone call
to family. Lucky for me I met someone here. So its not so
lonely.
Since you like to study, you don't need a PHD. You can study so
many thing. Justnow i saw one P6 poster say he want to go study
french. So need to be PHD? Got so many choice, so many diploma, so
many degree. You choose. If cannot afford then take one
affordable.
Man to Man, i really think you are drowning in your pity party.
You need to grow up and not be loser mode. So what if you are 31?
Lots of people worse than you. You think you are ugly? Then you
are. Because if you believe then it will come true. You think all
girl like handsome and rich man? You want tat kind of girl? Then
very unfortunate. Sure got wan.