i crack jokes which i thought are ok and 'hip' but no one else seem
to think so. i also care a lot whether people accept me or
not, very sensitive to people's reception of me. if they
don't respond to me, i feel rejected. maybe its bcos of the
many rejections i face at applying job. that's why when i
face "no response" from people in non-job related occasions,
i immediately classify it as rejection and take it as "another
blow". or maybe people do reject me...
when i engage in work which is very different from those i used
to do, i have to "act it out" because the job doesn't fit me as a
person. but i have to do the job for the money. the
acting makes me lose myself. to cushion my feelings of
emptiness and sadness in taking such job, i purposely force myself
to be happy, as if giving myself a shot of endorphine. hence
i become "high" and so utter the words and behave fearless.
People don't respond to your ramblings because they cannot
relate to your jokes and comments.
What is wrong with starting out your career at the bottom and
working your way up ?
Do you feel that you are entitled to certain "status" before you
even prove yourself ?
Your parents are "whipping" you, they are not encouraging you.
That's the typical old school method of "motivating" children.Their
methods are out-dated and do more damage than good. Don't let them
get under your skin, you know what you are capable of, so just do
what you can.
As long as you can answer to yourself and your maker..that you
are doing your best.. wats there to feel rejected about ?
Curb your anti-social behavior, else it will only lead to a
downward spiral. I'm sure that's really not wat you want in
life.
When you've hit rock bottom. the only way is up.
Be strong.
