OK, I'm in Sec 2 this year. In primary school, I remember always
being left out and being the one who cannot find a partner/group
for activities/project etc. Now I've let go of the vengefulness,
but those feelings are always present in my mind, never forgotten.
In sec school now, I am more popular and outgoing, and can find a
group of friends (or OK ppl) to form a group.
However, there is one VERY IRRITATING person in my class, who I
have a "friendly" relationship with. (I am friendly to him out of
genuine sympathy and concern, I don't really like him). (Also
because he is from my Pri sch). Everybody in my class dislikes him
and some even provoke/agitate him to get into a frenzy and scream
out. Then he complains to the teacher and gets then all fed up.
Then the students also see the teacher as biased.
So anyway, whenever we have to form groups, he will look for me
and ask if I can join. My brain and heart scream at me to say
No,because I don't like working with him. Then those ghosts of the
past, those feelings in primary school came back, and then I feel
guilty if I reject him. I don't know if it is insecurity. I'm
really in a dilemma.
Yet I don't want him to cause our group's quality of work to go
down because he firstly: doesn't pay attention ,will ask obvious
qns. He also gets into conflicts very easily because he will start
to argue and cut in when provoked(unlikely with me). This gets our
group members very annoyed and irritated.
Then he has all this silly ideas. I really dislike his ideas and
think that they are rather ridiculous. But I don't want to render
his efforts completely useless and make him feel rejected, since he
already has so much trouble in class (I also felt those feelings in
primary school).So I continue to accept his ideas but wonder how to
carry on like this. (maybe I shouldn't imagine him to be so soft
and weak-willed). Thing is, I would rather prefer to use my own
ideas and ask the other group members for better ideas. But I feel
that it is so selfish of me to do so.
I really don't want our project to turn out crap, especially
when its the only area where I am capable of distinguishing myself
from my classmates and produce outstanding work. I don't want this
chance to be gone just because I was trying to help and trying to
take others into consideration. This ending seems too ridiculous
and unfair for someone who makes an effort to break away from the
normal cold-blooded selfishness of Singapore students.
In conclusion, I'm tired of being his parent. Trying to pander
to his emotional needs(out of sympathy) when its not required of
me. My conscience forces me to do this.
Any kind souls can advise me on what I should do?
At your age, that's very mature of you. Many times in a
collaborative work, not every member of the team can contribute to
it intellectually, but always try to get them contribute in any
other ways possible.
From what you've described, he seems to be an outgoing person,
so if your project requires to be presented to the class, he would
be a very suitable candidate to do the job. If that's not the case,
you can still arrange to hold project meetings at his house, or
suggest to him to treat the entire team a meal at a fast food
outlet if he can afford it. All these will not only help
improve relations between him and the other teammates, and increase
the team morale despite his inability to directly contribute to the
project, but most importantly, it would make him feel involved and
needed by others - an necessary component in one's self-esteem,
especially essential to someone who has been treated as an
outcast.
