Help! I am like a mute!

Zhangjf7768 SG

I can't seem to talk when I am in a group.

I know I am shy but not to the extent of keeping extreme quiet before ppl whom I have met a few times.

I just don't know what to say/chat with ppl.

I am starting to realise that this is becoming my serious problem. Maybe I have low esteem/confidence but so? How do I rectify that?

How can ppl make friends easily but I find it so hard. How can I ditch this COMFORT ZONE of mine and start to be a chatty person. I really give ppl a wrong impression of me being unfriendly/show face,etc.. :(

Any clubs to join? toastmaster?

brainerror SG

ha, bring yourself out.whats there to be shy about?

honeymouse SG

Everyone is different - some are extrovert and some are introvert. You are who you are. If you are not comfortable hanging out with big group, start with small group or even just one or 2 friends. Be yourself. Trying to be somebody you are not is not going to make you a happy person.

If it is due to your low self esteem, then try to find ways to work on it.

Cheer up!

kcockicht SG

I can't seem to talk when I am in a group.

I know I am shy but not to the extent of keeping extreme quiet before ppl whom I have met a few times.

I just don't know what to say/chat with ppl.

I am starting to realise that this is becoming my serious problem. Maybe I have low esteem/confidence but so? How do I rectify that?

Any clubs to join? toastmaster?

don't worry. talk only when you need to. those who can 'talk' in a group you think they are talking sense? look at pasta looney. talk until need to apologise. i say there is nothing wrong with you. move on.

mancha SG

You are a thinker.

While the others are talking, you are observing and thinking.

Nothing wrong with that, its just that you are you.

You can talk, in one to one situation.

kcockicht SG

those people aiyah only can exist in their own group of people. ended up what they did is no difference from sleeping in my bed doing nothing at all

SmRtFrEaks SG

yea... first thing to note is that you need to remain positive when facing these situation.. Although it may be hard, but every negative will kill you from being the one you wanna be...Start small by giving small comments or opinions, and build on from there.. No matter how silly the comment may sound, just shout it out as it will build up ur confidence level... Rome was not build in a day, so dont expect it to be an easy task or overcoming it fast.. But the more you expose yourself, the more confident you will get and the fear inside you will definitely be gone... and soon you will be surprised as you may not even notice that you have change.... :)

Zhangjf7768 SG

Hi there, thanks so much for your advice, It is true that we need to be ourselves but the thing is what type of ourselves. If I am making myself friendless for the next 10 years, that will be very bad.

So I need to change. :) and I find that I can only open my mouth when it is a 1 to 1 meet up. I think I am poisoned by my own shyness and is seriously posioned.

Even when I am in office, I seldom chat with my colleague. Don't know what to talk about. The only thing I have things to say is about resignation, eg. 'hey, you resigning? here no good? I also find so....blahblah......'.

Sigh ...... I am just like a mute.

honeymouse SG

Most people like to talk about themselves so all you need to ask them questions. Of course you need to be tactful - avoid asking personal questions! Also if ask questions, try to listen and remember. It puts people off when you ask the same questions every time as it becomes obvious that you are not listening.

I don't know how well do you know your colleagues. I guess when you meet someone new, the first think you tend to ask is the name. And try to address them with their name a few times (eg. How do you do, Matt? So Matt, where about do you live? Does it take long for you to travel to work? etc). It helps you to remember their names after using it a few times.

Let the conversation flow from there. And every now and then, you can also use the opportunity to tell the person about yourself.

RHluvW SG

TS, for a start why don't you take an active interest in other people? Be very curious and take baby steps. Invite people for a chat over coffee or something in a relaxed environment. Talk on the phone. Main thing is action, action and action. Program into yourself that you have to get your social life handled.

"The only thing I have things to say is about resignation, eg. 'hey, you resigning? here no good? I also find so....blahblah......'." see you can get into a conversation. Flow properly. Get out there into parties/clubs/networking sessions and talk to many people. Joke around and create a fun energy. Don't take yourself too seriously. People love people who can make them relaxed.

Change your mindset, actions will follow hence a habit will ensue.

Take care.

parn SG

I can't seem to talk when I am in a group.

I know I am shy but not to the extent of keeping extreme quiet before ppl whom I have met a few times.

I just don't know what to say/chat with ppl.

I am starting to realise that this is becoming my serious problem. Maybe I have low esteem/confidence but so? How do I rectify that?

Any clubs to join? toastmaster?

Since you say you cannot talk to other people because you don't know what to say/chat with them....then I ask you this, DO YOU TALK ALOT WITH YOURSELF?

If yes, then you can do what you did with yourself to others.

And yes, voicing out your own opinions is the beginning, learning when is the right time to voice out your opinions is intermediate, learning when to voice out your opinions and able to not compromise your own stance is what you want to achieve.

You can start to change by learning how to SMILE in front of the mirror first, and gradually build your confidence to talk to others from there. Once you have a great sincere smile, you might find that you don't really need to try that hard to talk to people at all. It will come naturally to you.