too much to ask for?

libertine SG

hi all... my first post after reg for so long. pls bear with me for a lil while.

i got tog with a girl few months back(dated for a while but only steady steady last month) when my previous relationship ended last yr aug.

well.. i will say its partly of my new GF that i broke up with my ex. i just cant feel love with my ex anymore and she cant give me the life that i would want(the future - after marriage).

this new GF that i have.. she has everything i want except for one thing.. she is extremely jealous... jealous of my ex. So now in order to make her not be worried or be upset, i have not contacted my ex, even when we both promise to still remain as friends as we ended our relationship very amicably..

my new GF exited her 4 yrs relationship ard the same time as me. alot of things happened in her previous one and she has been very honest with me on alot of things, but i cant help to feel she left some details out. but i respect her that if she dont wanna talk abt it, then i'll leave it as it is. There are some big issues that would make any other men just turn ard and say 'adious' forever and ever. It involves her ex bf's best friend. When i got to know abt it, of course its heartbreaking. But by then i have loved her too much, and i told myself that who doesnt have a past, who can say that he/she has been a saint all his/her life. I told her that no matter what, as long as u can promise me that it will never happen again, i will learn to handle it as times goes by... Also, with the ex bf of 4 yrs, he has gotten very violent in the relationship. To me, no matter how angry you can be, men shld never ever lay hands on girls. Enuff said. When i got to know these, i lost all my respect to the ex bf.

I dont know? i may need opinions of girls now. She has said that she will still remain in contact with both the guys. They are all not local and they live in the same area back home, thats why they were good friends.. This CNY, she will be meeting them both, abeit in a big group of friends. But im still very unhappy that she still choose to be ard them. She seems rather happy abt their gathering. It makes me even sadder knowing that..

she has asked me if i will be okay with her decision. after thinking through, i told her that i will support her decision as she is an adult. I did that because i thought for us both. Not just for my selfish being to restrain her freedom and movement.

Now, i have thought it through after taking in some advice from my friends. I will need to talk to her abt this issue again when she is back.

Is it too much to ask her not to meet up with those two guys again, when i can promise her that i will not contact my ex anymore?

jojobeach SG

Not unreasonable to ask her not to do what bothers you. ( If the cares about you at all).

Relationship is about give and take.

However, you are stabbing your own feet when you "lied" about letting her do what she wants with her ex.

You shoulda be honest about your feelings from the very beginning.

Although it is not too late for you to backtrack your "agreement" with regards to her ex-s. It is best you be tactful about this. Else you will only come across as a "controlling" and "insecure" guy.

libertine SG

hi jo, well i will not say i lied. In my heart it was a constant struggle abt this. I knew all abt the giving and taking of being in a relationship. That is what makes me say okay to her decision.

But shldnt she be abit 'automatic'? Once she is with me, shldnt she remove all the pix of her and her ex from Facebook? Shldnt she realise that hanging out with her ex will make me feel uncomfortable?

why cant she give and take? Its not the idea of her been stopping me to see my ex GF. It just goes to show she doesnt trust me. I learnt to trust her and its a pretty difficult thing given like how during this CNY when she is back in hometown while im in SGP.

I know that for us to progress into something, there must be give and take, trust and respect for each other. It seems like there is little of it for me..

dukedracula SG

if i were you, i'd not bother too much, just let her go, take it as a free pass for yourself, in the event you do meet up with someone she may not be agreeable to, remind her this episode.....honestly, i'm unsure why you would be that insecure about her ex...and her about yours in the first place...

Jenri619june SG

"Once she is with me, shldnt she remove all the pix of her and her ex from Facebook? Shldnt she realise that hanging out with her ex will make me feel uncomfortable? "

hmmm...i dunno abt other gals but if its me i will remove them.

And the answer to your qn, nope its not too much to ask lah just sit down and talk to her, she will understand. So just tell her how u feel.

Good luck~

R3SsH|n SG

she expects u to cut off all contacts with your ex but she is still meeting with her ex and the ex's best friend...

obviously you are not happy with this arrangement right? thats why you post here in the first place. You feel its unfair that even though you don't contact your ex openly, she still don't allow you to contact her at all. but on the otherhand, she is still going to meet her ex + ex's boyfriend, amid in the big group.

I think this could be a underlying problem because you will bound to ask her about this issue when tempers rise during a quarrel

As a guy, it is only gentlemen to not request she doesn't meet her ex anyway. However, you must talk to her about this issue instead of keeping quiet about it BECAUSE you are bothered by it.

jojobeach SG

hi jo, well i will not say i lied. In my heart it was a constant struggle abt this. I knew all abt the giving and taking of being in a relationship. That is what makes me say okay to her decision.

I know that for us to progress into something, there must be give and take, trust and respect for each other. It seems like there is little of it for me..

Expecting your other half to READ your mind is a big mistake many couples make.

There is no such thing as "automatic". You have to COMMUNICATE your true feelings to each other, HONESTLY.

If you don't like what she is doing, tell her so. It is up to her to decide if you are worth changing path for.

Ofcors you want her to be happy, but she can only be happy when her happiness is not at the expense of yours . ( that is assuming she gives a shit about your feelings).

Now, if AFTER you told her to stop, and yet she choose to continue the "rendezvous". Then you need to re-evaluate your importance in her life.

Ex-s are ex-s for good reasons. If she is so happy with them.. why are they no longer together ?

There are certain things in life worth giving up for your love one, ex-s is one of em.

Most important, giving and taking is not about being a "HYPOCRITE".

Best of luck in your path of love.

Forbiddensinner SG

hi all... my first post after reg for so long. pls bear with me for a lil while.

i got tog with a girl few months back(dated for a while but only steady steady last month) when my previous relationship ended last yr aug.

well.. i will say its partly of my new GF that i broke up with my ex. i just cant feel love with my ex anymore and she cant give me the life that i would want(the future - after marriage).

Now, i have thought it through after taking in some advice from my friends. I will need to talk to her abt this issue again when she is back.

Is it too much to ask her not to meet up with those two guys again, when i can promise her that i will not contact my ex anymore?

It isn't too much to ask of her, but you should have tell her directly when you have the chance. Now that you wasted your chance, it will be that much more difficult to ask her to cut off contact with her ex.

If she threatens to end the relationship or whatsoever because of this, then there is no reason for you to have her remain your gf to begin with.

libertine SG

hi all.. thanks for the replies..

yes, it might be too late to say anything abt this issue with her now.. she has taken what i said previously as good. That i allowed her to cont meeting them as friends.

To Jojo, i know full well that no one shld ever give up their happiness at the expense of others. I love her thats why i let her do what her heart is telling her to do even though it hurts me just enough to have a need to vent this out here.

Umm... Forbiddensinner, she has threaten to end it all everytime we argue, saying that our characters are very different and we cant communicate. She behaves very childish everytime we have an arguement, shouting and wailing like a small lil kid.

There was once durong an arguement she even mentioned that in her previous relationship, the ex bf of 4 yrs will NEVER EVER let her go through what i did. It struck me that to her, she still holds him in high regards. She still talks happily abt what they did previously to me. I take it all in to what ever she says.

Am i a wimp for doing that? Do i have the right to be angry? Is it worth it at all.

TO update, yesterday night till now, she has yet to reply to my message. She is back in her hometown, and hanging out with the group that includes her ex. They are having a party(gambling and drinking). Its truly disappointing that she cant be bothered to reply or let me know where the hell she is. Maybe she is drunk i dunno. She could be at the ex hse for all i know man.

This is seriously pissing the shit out of me. Im just waiting for her to call. All hell will break loose.

jojobeach SG

hi all.. thanks for the replies..

yes, it might be too late to say anything abt this issue with her now.. she has taken what i said previously as good. That i allowed her to cont meeting them as friends.

Am i a wimp for doing that? Do i have the right to be angry? Is it worth it at all.

TO update, yesterday night till now, she has yet to reply to my message. She is back in her hometown, Is iand hanging out with the group that includes her ex. They are having a party(gambling and drinking). Its truly disappointing that she cant be bothered to reply or let me know where the hell she is. Maybe she is drunk i dunno. She could be at the ex hse for all i know man.

This is seriously pissing the shit out of me. Im just waiting for her to call. All hell will break loose.

It is unfortunate she is showing no respect for you.

But may I ask.. why arn't you with her during this festive season ? shouldn't you be visiting her family too ?

Why couldn't you just call her on her phone, instead of waiting for her to reply your "messages"?.. are you her secret lover ?

Perhaps she is not happy you didn't want to accompany her and is merely using her ex to spite you ?

seriously.. if you are prepared to end the relationship.. then by all means.. let "all hell break loose".. else.. what you do will not make your relationship any better.

However.. if you are going to let it go...just let it go.. shout here yell there..what for ? Make you feel good ? No right ?

Forbiddensinner SG

hi all.. thanks for the replies..

yes, it might be too late to say anything abt this issue with her now.. she has taken what i said previously as good. That i allowed her to cont meeting them as friends.

Am i a wimp for doing that? Do i have the right to be angry? Is it worth it at all.

This is seriously pissing the shit out of me. Im just waiting for her to call. All hell will break loose.

There is no reason for you to remain with her. A relationship shouldn't be treated like a physical object - threatening to throw it away so easily speaks of how she views your relationship with her.

And for her to put her ex before you, I see little reason why you should remain in this relationship with her. However, what decision to make is still ultimately up to you.