I feel extremely miserable at work. I really dislike my bosses
and do not respect a single one of them. I generally despise the
people in my workplace (both bosses and co-workers), except for a
few whom I do not despise.
First, some, not all of my co-workers are very good at wayang
and deflecting arrows. Recently we are made to do more work, but
with the same manpower capabilities. This has resulted in some
unhappiness, because of the increased work, and some people like to
wayang and come up with excuses not to work, leaving those who get
arrowed feeling upset and aggrieved.
Secondly, actually even before the series of 'changes', I have
already felt unhappy. I pressed on because I thought things were
more bearable then. And I also told myself that for the 1st time in
my life, I want to overcome challenges I face instead of taking the
easy way out ie to quit.
Thirdly, I feel unfairly treated and hard done by. No matter how
hard I try, I feel that the people here treat me meanly. When I do
things right or what I think is right eg volunteering to take on
arrow, taking on arrow even though I already have another arrow for
the same day or voicing proactively to my superiors about areas of
work I'm interested in, I either don't receive any appreciation or
do not get a positive outcome from my 'feedback'. I am so sick and
tired of striving and striving and not getting any 'rewards' or
recognition. Instead all I get is flak, and the feedback that I am
not good enough, or that I should be doing more more more.
When I do certain things, I get unfair treatment that other
people do not get when they do or say the same thing. i am
generally very sick and tired of this place and have tried to tell
my husband about how I feel.
He told me that I'm just being a spoilt brat, and that if I quit
before i find another job, I will end up regreting because I will
lose my constant flow of income coming in every month, and will not
have $$$ to buy stocks which I like to buy. he also said about how
our combined income will be affected blah blah, even though I feel
what he's earning now is enough to cover our expenses.
Our finances will be tighter, compared to if I was working, but
we certainly won't starve despite our relatively high expenses
because he makes $120k per year including bonuses though he's under
30 and my annual salary is only about 1/2 of his. Every mth, I only
take home a miserable $3k+ after CPF deductions, but he said that
if I dun work, then I won't have any incoming CPF contributions and
my CPF contribution also goes toward paying for our home along with
his. However I do have spare funds, and including stocks have about
$30K that can tide us through my share of contribution to the
family expense, while he will also continue working.
I know that now that I'm a married lady I should be responsible
and cannot just quit like this. But I really feel awful and
miserable everyday. I think i am slinking into depression every min
I stay in this job. I find myself whining and complaining to my
colleagues everyday and either hating my superiors and feeling
peeved with some of my co-workers (who wayang) or just generally
hating my situation.
In any case, judging by how things are faring, even I die die
thick skin stay on, my career also won't progress far since my
superiors clearly don't have a good opinion of me. And so there's
no future for me here anyhow. I have told my hubby this before, and
he told me why am i so lousy and asked me not to give up and said
even if I want to stop working eventually some day when we have
kids, I'd surely want to achieve something for myself and leave my
mark.
I am really at a loss now. I dunno what to do. I pray to God but
it seems that God does not care about me or my pain and does not
hear me or God does hear me but can't be bothered.
