i see very interesting and thoughtful replies and frankly,
breaking up is an option that i've used a few times. what's holding
back is how sweet he had treated me in the past and i choose to see
that it is just a phase that would pass. so i hung on and tried to
be more subtle in my replies to him, instead of fighting hard for
my stand.
when it come to arguments between a couple, one has to give in
and i chose to be silent when things get outta hand. but a few
times experiences told me that he just took it for granted and shot
his mouth off even further and didnt know when to stop. one of
these experiences mentioned happened only recently after we paid
deposit for our wedding dinner package. can you imagine?
it had been a whirlwind relationship. he proposed just after 4
months of getting together.
it had been difficult for the initial few months when he kept
asking and probing about my past. Obvously i chose not to tell him
as they had meant nothing cos he was not even present when it all
happened. one thing led to another.. i passed my iphone to him one
day and forgot to shut my email. and he went into my email folder
and read about my past relationships. the rest is history and as
true as what i believed, he could not handle those information and
got paranoid at the slightest things.
and even with a guy friend whom i had travelled in the past whom
i have a platonic relationship with, also made him paranoid. He
thought it was more and he hung on to the belief and literally
confronted him on the 2nd time they met.
yes we are planning to get married in about a years times and I
am getting really tired. ...
Lyris, I had an ex who is like your current boyfriend.
This kind of guy is a "red flag ALERT". I would suggest you
don't carry on with the marriage. There are TWO issues you need to
be wary of.
First, All these "paranoia" has nothing to do with his
"insecurity".
Rather a need to find fault with your past, so that he may
believe that he is "better than you". ---An inferiority
complex.
He needs you to be flawed. The present you may be "perfect" in
his eyes, but you had an "im-perfect" past.
A breakup will be more painful to him, than to you.
If you marry him, in the future when you have arguments , he
will blame it all on you and what you had done in your past.
So, buyers beware.
Second, your whirlwind courtship, contributes to his need to
judge your integrity based on your past... simply
because there wasn't sufficient time to get to know you better
during these few short months.
I'd suggest, both of you spend the next 6 months or 1 more year
really getting to know each other better. Leave the past (before
this courtship) behind.
Tell him that you need to get to know HIM better.Put the
marriage plan on hold for now. Having a marriage plan ADDS pressure
on him to probe more intensively , as he needs to figure out if you
are indeed the right one for him, during this period prior to
marriage.
Observe, and see if he is still this way after spending the
extended time together.
If he is still nit picking your past flaws.. then it's truly
time to let the relationship end.