Very Down, and Very Out

NEWater SG

I think I've become really stupid, despite the 135 IQ I'm supposed to have. I've been burnt by this, again and again. Before I enlisted on '07, and even after my ORD on June this year I still fell for it.

What was this stupid thing?

Long-distance, Internet relationships.

Yeah, I was young, stupid and idealistic. I know that people will mock me for consistently falling into this trap, but as a person who knows all too well that his EQ is down the gutter, I can only say that the personal interactions have been very real, some of them have been tremendously beneficial to me and I would not have attained my state of learning if not for their influences, but it has always ended with a sledgehammer smashing at my metaphorical and all-too-literally, heart.

This time round, I thought that it would be different. It was really early in my summer Semester on late June when I met this girl on a Roleplay server in World of Warcraft, of all games.

Why? I'm nominally, an EVE Online player, but it's such a serious game that I can get burnt out, and have to get onto 'easier' games like WoW for sabbaticals. But why roleplay? I've always been a roleplayer, and it always made sense to me to play MMOs and partake in its social aspect by playing along with the surrounding storyline and cosmology. As an autistic person, I also can be living in my own reality from time to time, and sometimes, living these sort of realities out, and writing tales about my characters' experiences, or political treatises within the games' contexts proved instrumental in developing my writing style and command of the English language.

But back to this girl. We hit off pretty well, and she's a graduate student in her mid-20s who teaches undergrads like me. Older, but I don't care, because she was my intellectual equal who holds multiple degrees. For instance, she wanted to read Nietzsche and the other German philosophers better, so she learnt German. Then she loved German so much, she ended up getting two degrees, both in Philosophy and German at the same time. She was getting tired of guys who were her intellectual inferiors and always being deferential to her, and with myself being her equal it was a breath of fresh air to her.

But being my Asperger's self, I think I wore her down over the weeks. When Aspies like myself come to admire someone, we will shower that person with 110-120% of our attention. Some may consider it flattering, but I think in reality it becomes really irritating, and prolly possessive. I know that about myself, but I was so darned eager to know more of her, that in her words, she started to loathe speaking to me because it became more like 'interrogations'.

She was entertaining the idea of coming over here to Singapore for the summer to take a look at a different country instead of her own for once, and I thought that this one had a chance after all, after all these past mistakes. But with this opportunity, I think I only got more rabid with my attitude and eventually scared her off.

The tail end of that happened on mid-August, and only today I tried to talk to her again. We were quite cordial, catching up and stuff, until I scared her off with asking for her number, because I've been so busy and I couldn't get onto WoW any longer. It just ended with an "Eep. Nope." and that was it.

I really don't know what to do. Some forumers here may blast me for being a chauvinist for wanting a girl outside of Singapore, but it's honestly difficult for me to find someone here who could relate with me on an intellectual level, and could accept my condition as a slightly autistic person.

Perhaps I ought to just give up and concentrate on what I do best with my intellectual pursuits. I tried to build up on my social panache, but I'm always met with repeated failure. It doesn't really matter to try to break out of the dearth of my EQ when

TrueHeart SG

Hi NEWater,

perhaps you should take a break from online gaming and try out things such as fishing, cycling...etc. Playing online games for long period of times can be bad for both your physical and mental health.

Since you are out of army already, are you waiting for entry into a uni? If yes, you could spend some time reading up first beforehand, so as to be able to better understand some of the concepts and facts before the semester actually starts.

As for getting a gf, I won't blame you for looking for a foreign girl, but it will be better for you to look for someone whom you can meet up with. Sorry to say this, but many "girls" online are actually guys... Besides, it will be easier for you to develop your relationship with a girl when the two of you go out together, rather than by killing monsters together online. Even couples who meet through online games also have real life dates to maintain their relationship.

Cheers.

NEWater SG

Yeah, I'm quite familiar with the G.I.R.L (Guy In Real Life) thing. I've seen enough of those, masqueraded as one before and I can tell the subtleties of which one's 'for-real', and which one isn't.

But that's besides the point, I guess. *shrug* I'm already studying, and working part-time. So on top of churning out 5-page papers for school and dozens of press releases for work, I only have Sunday for R&R.

As for the 'outdoors' thing, eh, it's difficult for me to try stuff outdoors. I've been as good as crippled ever since I enlisted, because I've gotten really bad knees during the 2 years and the army has refused to treat me, nor take responsibility for it. So I have to live with the fact that my legs can't handle prolonged standing for more than 15 minutes. All the time that I have left is for myself to be sat down and just go furiously away at my keyboard to maintain that 4.0 GPA from last semester. ><

Rock^Star SG

pardon me but i suspect u r suffering from inferiority complex and being a control freak here.

and she's not interested in you. perhaps yes initially but u lost the plot bro. pls fret not, may i suggest that u confront ur internal demons first, cultivate a healthy mindset first before u approach the opp gender again.

take a break from online gaming and go do something different for a while ya......

Mybluemoon SG

you wun be able to phrase ur sentences properly if u were autistic so i think tt u r fine :)

spade1 SG

TS, at the level you write, I don't even consider you fair intellectual - I have met many SG girls who are far more intellectual than what you claim to be. They tend to be PSC scholars, doctors and even lawyers as such. Even with such ladies you need to get off your high horse and appeal to them in a fun and smart alec manner, yet be kind and sincere ie. intellectual sarcasm, verbose but entertaining anecdotes with wit and humour, and display a high level of comprehension with a twist of charm... anytime you receive a "huh?" response - that means she's not for you. The moment you bore these intellectuals - it's the high road again.

oh and trust me on this... an intellectual girl will drop you for an ah beng type jerk ANYTIME (provided she's also good looking), because he's more fun, outgoing and
can make her laugh more than you. No girls if any, desire only high-IQs. All desire high EQs. If you add high IQ to the mix, then she looks at it as a bonus. All females are built that way.

insidestory SG

The really smart guys (PSC scholars) at the top end of the IQ curve mostly have high EQ and are witty and funny.

It's the loser, mediocre average Joes like losers who study in NTU or in some whack no hope course like SMU or NUS arts and social science who have poor IQ and are dull and incapable of social repartee.

x4dish SG

It seems to me that the real problem is your lack of understanding of human attraction. Every man on the street is an intellectual. The differences between men are minute when you look at people closely. You pride yourself on your "intellect" but you must recognize that there are many types of quotient. EQ and AQ are just as important as IQ. The girl dumped you because you failed to attract her, and personally I think it's due to your lack of confidence. You need to move out of your social shell and find the self that you lost to your "intellectual pursuits".

True intellect does not survive in front of an LED screen. You are an intelligent person, but you aren't a wise person yet. Don't give up or get depressed, if you believe you can do something, you'll do it. If you failed, you didn't believe strongly enough.