i know that there no absolute in such matters.. but i would like
to hear from a different perspective.
Say theres A , B and C
A loves you alot, but you dont really love A that much; more of a
platonic love
You love B alot, but B doesnt really love you. but is still willing
to accept you
And then theres C, which is an unknown but stands a small but
significant chance of being the true soulmate you've been looking
for
My question is.. which is better? To spend you life with
someone who loves you , or with someone you love?
Or to take a bold step into the unknown?
on another related but distinct issue,
I may not have lived for long, but I'm already quite dis-illusioned
by the concept of love. Quite frequently i've been hearing of
marriage problems and stuff. It seems like " i love you " now has
an expiry date attached to it. Recently my father got a mistress,
and it seems like my parents are divorcing. Now i'm quite worried
about myself because the guys in my family seems to have a
propensity to being fickle ( my grandfather's another one )
I am admittedly quite fickle-minded, which is something i want
to change. Its like.. i like a girl.. then i chase her. But
somewhere just before she falls for me, i have a change of heart
due to perhaps perceived flaws or circumstances. Then i'm stuck
with a girl who likes me but i do not anymore. I feel like a
bastard and nowofdays i dont bother to act on my feelings anymore,
just bury them deep and wait for the likings/crushes to pass.
What should i do? :(
Let me point to you the discrepancy in
your thoughts -
You claimed that your grandfather is promiscuous. Then you
discovered that your dad is like that too. And now, you begin to
believe that you are showing signs of it, in which you concluded
that you are also fickle-minded and could potentially be a
promiscuous person, just like your dad and grandfather.
So what you are suggesting is that being promiscuous is
hereditary or there is probably some kind of 'promiscuous' genes in
your family. This is totally spurious and irrational.
It's not the propensity of being fickle, but the insecurity that
manifest and disguise itself behind the reason of
fickle-mindedness.
Your behaviour is not uncommon - it is a defensive mechanism
provided by your emotions to reduce your immediate risk by having
to cut the amount of emotional investment you will actively seek to
invest in somebody once you have unconsciously decided that you
have done enough to secure her affection.
The change of heart is a methodology to protect yourself, caused
by the subconscious insecurity that is insidiously present in your
life. Witnessing failing relationship around you reinforced this
insecurity - the more your reality corroborate with the findings
you have inevitable concluded, the worst this insecurity will eat
into you.
This will manifest into a real issue in the future, if you do
not have the self awareness to perceive and effectively address
this rot.
Having witnessed failing marriage, even between your parents,
does not mean that yours is going to end up like that. This self
fulfilling prophesy driven by fear and paranoia will eventually
become your failure in relationship. It has nothing to do with the
frailty nature of relationship, but rather, the biased
conceptualization which you have inevitably cramp yourself
into.
Surely, you can always try to escape before you can settle
yourself and commit to a particular person, but you will never be
able to grasp the lesson of commitment until you have manage your
insecurity.
P:S If you want to learn about love, be prepared to take some
risk in getting hurt and shed some tears - it's part of the growing
up process in love. 
Cheers
