http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/756
(Not written by me! A good lesson nonetheless for sharing)
I don't know where to begin my story, I am nearly crying as I
write this, so anyways, I'm going to write my personal story that
happened to me in hopes to help some of you out there who have an
EQ addiction a chance to get out of it before it get's to
late...
Before EverQuest I used to have nearly a perfect life, I was living
the american dream if you will. I hade a wonderfull job, a great
house, a beautiful and lovely wife and most importanly my 2
beautiful little girls wich I love dearly....now I've lost
everything because of this game.
It all started out about 2 and a half years ago, when I went to
Electronics Boutique to purchased the game EverQuest. I had read so
much about it in magazines and on the web. It all sounded so good,
that I just HAD to buy it since I was such a big RPG fan.
When I got to Electronic Boutique the clerk saw me looking in the
RPG section and I had just picked up EverQuest off the shelves, he
said to me " EQ huh? I can assure you sir that's a really cool
game, I have loads of fun myself playing it when I get home from
work" wich just urged me even more into buying it.
So finnaly I bought it and when I got home I installed it on my
computer, got my credit card to subscribed and whitin seconds I was
in the game playing.
It all was good at first nothing ever seemed to suggest that this
was an "addicting" game (boy was I ever wrong...). I made many
friends during the first week that I played got myself some decent
equipment and wepons, and I was just generaly having a good time
playing and getting away from some RL stress...
A few weeks past or mabe a month or so, and I started playing more
and more. As my character got higher in level's it became more
demanding for me to stay longer hours online to play and
unconsciously I started ignoring my RL. This is where my story
really begins...
You see me and my wife used to be really close to each other, I
used to come home from work and eat a wonderfull meal cooked by my
wife, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging here but, my wife was
a great cook. We would eat together and talk about both our days at
work.
Then I would usually spend some time with my 2 girls since I was at
work most of the week and the only time I got to spend some time
with them was in the evening.
I would usually take them both in my arms and put a book in-between
us and read them a story. On other nights we would play with one of
the big ballons that we had, throwing it around, oh how I miss
those days!
After we'd put the kids in bed me and my wife would smooch on the
couch a little bit while watching TV or just chatting. There is so
much more things that I miss, such as going out with my wife to
restaurants, or going together as a family to the movies and other
social activities that we used to do together as a family.
This all changed when I started getting "addicted" to EQ. I would
come home from work eat my dinner really fast, say a few words to
my wife and kids and I would litterally rush myself to the computer
room. I would then proceed to load up EQ, check up on how everyone
in my guild was doing and see if there was any special event going
on such as a raid or something.
You see the time that I would have normally spend in the evening
with my daughters playing got replaced by EQ playing instead.
I started to ignore my wife, ALOT, and sadly, my 2 daughters even
more. Many times I would forget to eat and drink because I was so
consumed with this game. Sometimes I had to go to the bathroom but
I didn't want to get up because most of the time it was in the
middle of a tough fight and I just couldn't leave my computer
because the thought of even dying in this game is scary, the
penalty for it is quite severe.
So I decided to set up a little pot in my computer room so I
wouldn't have to get up when I needed to go pee, as much as this
may sound ubelivable I can assure you it's the truth. Many times I
would stay up all night till 2-3am in the morning playing because
in my mind it was really important to do planar and dragon raids
with my guild, and not only that I had to get up in the morning to
go to work.
Some times my wife would tell me to go to bed with her but I was so
consummed with the game that I would usualy reply to her that I was
on a corpse run or that we had just gotten a good group or a guild
mate of mine needed help on a quest etc...
There are lot's of time I can recall when I called in sick at work
because I had stayed up late the night before and just couldn't get
up to go to work. There are also times when I called in sick
because there was a guild raid that I wanted to attend because
there were some good items to be had that I wanted for my
character.
When I actually went work on weekdays I was always grumpy, I
couldn't think as clearly or act properly like I normally did
before EverQuest, I couldn't stop thinking about it and talking
about it to my co-workers. wich got them concerned...
I eventually got fired, the boss was feed up with me missing all
the time and not doing my job the way I was supposed to.
When I tried to explained this to my wife that I had lost my job
she was really upset since I was the only one who provided income
for our family. We got into a really big argument and she didn't
know what we were gonna do for money and to be honest neither did
I.
I search everywhere for a job, I even went back in to my old
workplace and litterally begged my manager to give me my old job
back...but it was too late he had alredy replaced me with somebody
else.
We enventually fell on wellfare while I was on my job hunt, but I
gotta admit I didn't search very long mabe a week at the very most
2 weeks, after a while I was so depressed that I just began to
loose interrest in finding a better job. I didn't care to find work
anymore, all I cared about was playing my game.
At this point my wife started to become VERY concerned with me, and
she came over to talk to me about it while I was on the computer.
We got into a big argument and I said some mean things to her that
I know now, looking back at it today, that I shouldn't have said at
that time.
She decided to move over to her father and mother's house wich was
about half an hour drive from our house and she also took our 2
girls with her. I didn't care really since I thought to myself
"Great! I'll be alone, finally!". I guess I didn't really think
that she would be going for REAL and thought to myself that she
would come back after a while.
The first week that my wife had left, I stayed up all day and night
playing EQ, eating whatever we had left in the house, I didn't even
bother calling them, I didn't care either. I had totally lost sight
of reality, all that mattered to me was playing the game.
I didn't even bother to brush my theeth in the morning nor did I
take a bath or shower, much less shave. I didn't do my laundry and
never wore clean cloths. Most of the time I would keep on the same
cloths that I had sleept in and wore the day before. I didn't clean
my house either and dirty dishes were all over the place and I
almost never took out the trash.
I would order food from one of my local restaurants for supper and
sometimes would eat the leftovers for breakfast. I would sit in
front of the computer for hours on end all day long and play the
game, it didn't matter to me, the only life I knew of was the life
of EverQuest.
I then met a girl in the game, I was so in love with her that I was
up to a point where I had totally forgot about my RL wife and my RL
in general, that I began living this "virtural" life if you
will.
I proceeded a few weeks later to ask my "virtural girlfriend" to
marry me in game, she agreed. We made preparations, announced it to
the whole guild, we told the GM where we wanted the wedding to be
held, arranged a time and we got married.
I would constantly tell her how much I loved her and that I
couldn't stop thinking about her, she became my obsession.
After a while I think that she eventually got so fustrated about
the coments that I was making that she probably thought that I was
some sort of a cyber perv (wich I will shamely admit that I
probably was).
She then decided to end the relationship that we had, and even
changed her last name back to her old one and removed mine, and as
if that wasn't enough she decided to put me on her /ignore list and
I never talked to her ever again.
A few weeks past after that incident and I woke up one morning and
turned my computer on just like I did evey other day and it was
then that it hit me, like a slap in the face...
I thought to myself that I used to have a great wife ( a REAL one)
and that I had trown it all away for a @#%$'ING VIDEO GAME. It all
started to swirl so fast in my head. "Why?" I asked myself "How the
hell could I allow this to happen to me?".
I decided to turn off my computer immediately and to contact my
wife wich I hadn't spoke too in nearly 4-5 months. I was so mad at
myself for doing this. I couldn't belive my actions.
I didn't really know what to do and the only thing that seemed
logical was to call my wife's parents house. So after alot of
thinking about what I wanted to say to her I finnally came over my
fear of calling her and picked up the phone and called.
Her dad ansered the phone and I said "hello, can I speak to my wife
please?" and he said "Oh it's you, how dare you call my house after
what you've done to her, do you even think you deserve to talk to
her after eveything you've put her through? FU you idiot! I hope
that @#%$'ing game keeps you happy, stay the hell away from my
daughter! Do ya hear? Don't you ever dare call this place
again!"
I could obviously tell by his anser and the tone of his voice that
he was really angry with me, I said "yes sir I'm really sorry, this
is not the way..., hello, hello?" He hung up on me before I could
even finished my sentence.
I tried calling within the next couple of days, with no luck. He
didn't want anything to do with me. I knew where her parents lived
so I got in my car and drove over to their house. When her dad
ansered the door I BEGGED, and BEGGED him to let me see her and for
the sakes of my little girls to please let me see them as
well.
He then told me to go away and that his daughter didn't live there
anymore. I asked him where she had moved too so I could see my
girls. To my suprise he agreed to give me the adress to her
appartment. It wasn't so far as I thought, only a couple of blocks
away. I thanked him very much and told him that he didn't know how
much his help meant to me.
So after a while of driving around I finanly found my wife's
appartment. I knocked on the door, I was so affraid to talk to her
that I was litteraly shaking I had TONS of things I wanted to say
to her and even more to my girls.
The door opened and a MAN ansered. I was so SHOCKED, I can't even
explain the feeling I got when I saw him, I thought to myself "this
is obviously the wrong adress". I asked to see my wife I told him
who I was and if (insert my wife's name here) lived here, and to my
complete suprise I saw her walking towards the door, and I could
tell by the look on her face that she wasn't happy to see
me...
I told her that I was so sorry and asked for her forgiveness for
what I had done. I then asked if I could see my girls and she
hesitated a bit but she said yes and called them.
They both came running into my arms as they saw me, screaming
"Daddy! Daddy! We missed you so much" then one of my girls asked me
"why did you leave us daddy?"
I just couldn't anser those questions, I was so ashamed of my
actions that I couldn't even speek to them and bursed out in
tears.
It soon became quite clear to me that the man who ansered the door
was my wife's new boyfriend, since he gave her a kiss as he was
leaving for work and he couldn't stick around any longer.
I'm sure my wife must have told him about me as he didn't look too
pleased to see me there either as he left the house my wife told
him "Well talk about this later honey, have a good day at
work"
As much as I hated the fact that she had found someone else, I know
deep down inside that I couldn't really blame her, but the fact is
that it made me even more sad and angry towards myself. I just
couldn't accept the cold hard fact that I had let this game take
over my life like it did.
My wife got custody of our two dauther's by the court a few months
afterwards. I tried really hard to explain myself to the judge but
it didn't help, not one bit. I was also ordered by the court to
seek profesonal help, wich I did, and I can really say that it
helped me greatly since I was in a deep depression at that
time
Eventually a few weeks later I finnaly got myself back on track. I
got my self a job (not a good one like my last one, but a job none
the less). Unfortunatly I had to sell my house since I couldn't
afford to pay for it anymore, I was way pass due in payments
because the job I had couldn't provide enough money to pay for the
house/food etc.
I found a small appartment neer by and mooved in there. I still go
over to see my 2 dauther's as much as I can, but not as much as I
would like too. Howerver I still get a chance to see them on
weekends a bit more, though.
Christmas is around the corner and I am sure that I will probably
spend it alone, hell I don't even have a Christmas tree to put up
this year...
I would love to go see my girls on Christmas morning but my wife
alredy planed to take them on a vacation with her new boyfriend. I
alredy bought my 2 girls their gifts and I'll have to give it to
them in advance, before they leave. It makes me really sad and even
angryer to even think about it.
There is an old saying that goes like this: "You don't know what
you've had, until you've lost it". I can easily relate to that, I
didn't know what I had until I lost it...
I wish my wife would be laying next to me when I go to sleep
tonight, but I know the fact is that she isn't here anymore. She
was so warm under those covers and I used to love hugging her
before she went to sleep in my arms.
To all of you out there who have a wife/Girlfriend or kids,
hug/kiss them tonight and think about what your doing if you see
that your relationship with them is starting to go down hill
because your spending to much time on the computer instead of
spending time with them.
Here I am now sitting in my appartment tonight, alone, no wife and
no kids by my side. I could have avoided this if I hadn't played so
much, but I did the contrary and that is a fact that I will have to
live with for the rest of my life....
I am typping this message in great hopes that NO ONE, and I mean NO
ONE who plays EQ ever has to go through what I did, because in the
end my friends I can assure you that it's not worthed, to lose your
real life over what I know now is only a videogame...