Roughly 18mths
ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my
contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one
day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I
clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told
me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a
birthday but I begged a different.
He was
sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed
or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane.
There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my
life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game.
Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first
abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without
giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That
made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an
abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a
golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his
concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time
of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's
health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which
was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and
started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a
nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen
our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market
(Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was
excuses.
2 months after
my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to
do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the
road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down.
Not to console me but telling me what happened between his
wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a
prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him
were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do
not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will
still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not
abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news
travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down
with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me
but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too
sensitive).
Throughout the
whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there.
Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do
not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing
that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and
me were merrily a game."
I was
disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he
felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And
the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so
upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the
relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling
others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do
with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even
more.
I was thinking
that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there
anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not
married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a
lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to
tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th
month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his
office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't
expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is
not a bastard. Now my love to him had became
hatred.
Can anyone
advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will
definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without
judgments.
I am seriously
worried about your choice of actions. If you re-read your own post
a couple of times, you could have realized that you
have made decisions that often resulted in putting
yourself into dire consequences, which you end up paying
dearly for. This payment littered with misery
and much emotional turmoil.
Your alcohol consumption merely suggested an avoidance
mindset and gradual impairment of your judgement, which
is a common behavioral pattern for an
individual in a deceptive relationship (affliction in
Neptune). Please avoid abusing alcohol (if you haven't
stopped) because you will end up creating another set of
problem for yourself. At this juncture, your plates are way too
full to introduce another set of issues to digest.
Your emotional instability would have contributed to your
lack of insights and awareness to remove this man away from
your life for good. And this is in fact a classic karmic
relationship - albeit our actions might seemed like pretty
random decision/s shaped from our thoughts - but the constant
fueling of this extremely disruptive relationship over
and again, only suggested the karmic ties that bind
you towards him, in a vicious debt cycle.
His needs are quite simple - he is having a bad marriage, hence
he naturally seeks for transitory comfort outside - for both
sex and emotional dependency.
Because you too have unresolved needs, you provided him the
platform and this breathe life into the entire
sub-rosa relationship.
If you have thoughts to engage in any form of a
relationship with someone that is unavailable (especially married)
and if you perceive that you will be happy with this
arrangement - this delusional outlook will guarantee you
nothing but misery. Your cosmic lesson only needs to teach you
once - however, if you find yourself having to learn the same
grade more than once, you know you are in some
serious delusional mode that
needs immediate attention, clarification and
enlightenment.
Your decision to give birth to this child carries a
dangerous agenda. It has now evolved into a weapon
spawned from your hatred. You must be aware that the
child, regardless of the circumstances that he/she is brought
into this world, is innocent (although surely the karmic
relationship between you and your child would definitely
be intensive).
Having friends to stand by yourself side might be
the kind of emotional support you really need right now,
but ultimately, it's the unresolved issues nesting within
you that needs to be tackled. You see, at the end of the day, your
decision in wanting to proof to him that the child is his,
only acts to deepen your own pain and suffering and does
nothing in value to relief your
situation.
You have made two unwise decisions so far (sex without
protection that got you pregnant twice) - please do not
let yourself sink into another bout of folly in name of
hatred because mark my words, you will only have more to lose.
Your decision should now revolves about thinking how
you are going to take care of this child. Everything else
is superfluous. Raising up this kid is going to be one REAL issue
that you have to manage (you can't depend on that jackass
anyway). 
Cheers