For 11 years 11 months, i lived a great life. I have a
tremendous loving family. They provided me with all the needs and
wants.
I have very similar features to my mother so, I was shocked when
I found the adoption papers yesterday in our JB house. My parents
were in singapore then. I have a fraternal twin sis that doesnt
look like any of our relatives.
All my life, I thought that I was the 3rd child and the birth
certs showed that my adoptive parents were my birth parents. The
documents I found were the adoption papers and a petition to change
my sister & my names to our current name. And there too, was
photocopy of my birth mum's IC. She looks exactly like me. From the
info, she was 20 when she gave birth to me & my sis &
there is no name of the father.
I am a muslim so, if a child is born out of wedlock, the name of
the father should be known as Abdullah which means child of god. My
'original' name was radhiyah Binti Abdullah and with no name of the
father listed, presummably, I am a bastard child.
There was one time, when i was 5, a lady came to our house and
played with sis & I and she called me radhiyah, but at that
age, i didnt think anything abt it.
For 20 yrs, the WHOLE family, my aunt, uncles, grandmother etc
hid this from us. No wonder my late grandfather had this disgusted
look everytime he looked at us.
And I think that my paternal aunt in law knows this
lady as her relatives tend to know and show care abt us than
anybody else. And they keep asking so many qns.
I have not told my parents abt what i have just discovered. But
i feel sad that they didnt tell me. They tolerated with my
tantrums, problems etc. And even defended me when i had a quarrel
with my 2nd brother. They loved us not like, but MORE than their
own children.
Usually, when I look in the mirror i could see both my parents
faces, now, i just see a face of someone i dont know. I want
answers from my birth mum, regarding health history, who was the
guy who knocked her up etc. so many qns. It's just that I dont
want to offend or hurt my parents feelings by searching for her. I
dont want her love, I had plenty from my parents, I just want
answers. I dont want to be thought as being ungrateful.
I am just sad that I am not related to them by blood. I couldnt
stop thinking for this matter. Everything else doesnt seem to
matter, i minute i am angry boys and now i am just angry at
FATE!!!!! or whatever.
What should I do?
In short, you want to look for your biological parents,
especially your biological mother.
It is your own choice, but I can assure you it will upset your
adoptive parents a great deal, as they would be worried that you
would be taken away from them, or that you would choose to leave
them. Of course I highly doubt you will do such a thing, but
parents are parents afterall.
And even if you meet your biological mother, what can you do and
what will you do? What if she starts pestering you to return to her
side, and even worse, for money? How will you handle such a
situation?
Everything must be done with careful planning. If you do not
plan ahead, especially what to say and what to do in each possible
situation, you might find yourself doing or saying the wrong thing
and ended up regretting later.
