How can I make my hubby love me more?

TheMissus SG

He is now very focused and consumed by work, which I understand is necessary for men, and I don't wish to stand in his way or disturb him. I really wish I could be more self sufficient and not depend on him emotionally. I know it's very difficult to have to feel bad when you think your wife is unhappy with you not spending enough time with her.

Devil1976 SG

Talk to him. Quality talks. Probably won't happen overnight.

The reason is not to make him feel guilty. The reason is to find a probable solution.

Let him know that what he's ultimately after is not his work. It should be you.

As a sidetrack, think through if there could be other hidden reason (problem) which might be making him bury himself into his work.

TheMissus SG

Talk to him. Quality talks. Probably won't happen overnight.

The reason is not to make him feel guilty. The reason is to find a probable solution.

Let him know that what he's ultimately after is not his work. It should be you.

As a sidetrack, think through if there could be other hidden reason (problem) which might be making him bury himself into his work.

We already did. He told me he is going thru a difficult phase at work where by he just started a new job, i been asking frens about it and they all say as with all new jobs, there is normally a learning curve that can be challenging at the start, they say it's normal.

Why should it be me that he is ultimately after? I thought men normally put career first. I know my hubby is the sort who puts his career on a high priority and achieving is very important to him.

We spoke already about the issue, and he kept on insisting it's not about me at all, and it's really about work. He also said he feels he's not living up to his own expectations.

I dont mind him focusing on his work, but i just wish he won't shut down emotionally from me when he does. When he is deep in focus in his work in the living room, he will sleep outside on the couch and refuse to sleep beside me in the room. There was also once he suggested out of practicality that I go back to my parents' place for the time being until things improve cos at least I will have company there, I reacted strongly to the suggestion and said we're married, how can I go back and live at my parents (although I do go back now and then about once a week)? Anyway beside the concept being inappropriate, I dread what my mom would react and say, she will give me a earful.

And we got married very recently in less than 6 mths ago.

youyayu SG

6 months only..

let me guess.. did you guys have a new flat and a new car?

if yes.. i can understand why he is working so hard lol

noahnoah SG

maybe ur hubby love u very deeply

just that hmm he dun know how to express it out

or he want to work harder so can feed u with more

good food or clothing

TheMissus SG

6 months only..

let me guess.. did you guys have a new flat and a new car?

if yes.. i can understand why he is working so hard lol

no.. he had bought the house and car long before our wedding..at least a yr before..

he is only like this since he started a new job 1 month plus ago..

i just want to know how can I support him during this period? he told me i can support him by leaving him alone and not making him feel bad..

he also works on weekends @ home, or does reading of work related journals at home and tells me to amuse myself on my own so basically now i dun really get to spend my weekends with my hubby also. I know he is not cheating on me, cos he is at home and not out with girls.

yiha093 SG

attend to his needs lor. relieve pressure. or learn with him ba. ~~

youyayu SG

no.. he had bought the house and car long before our wedding..at least a yr before..

he is only like this since he started a new job 1 month plus ago..

i just want to know how can I support him during this period? he told me i can support him by leaving him alone and not making him feel bad..

do something that can prove that you love him.

something like that will be good

TheMissus SG

attend to his needs lor. relieve pressure. or learn with him ba. ~~

i see. .like make him food while he works.. (I did that last weekend), and give him water rght?

What other things do men like their other half do for them to show love, especially when they need to focus on something??

I felt quite hurt and shocked when he asked me to move back to my parents' house.

yiha093 SG

I felt quite hurt and shocked when he asked me to move back to my parents' house.

nvr tell him. ?

TheMissus SG

no use lah. i did. he said he cannot take care of me when he cannot take care of himself.

at another time, he said he has no space in his life for me now cos of work.

Medicated Oil SG

I guess your hubby is having a hard time in learning the information required for the new job.

I guess he is tasked to achieve lots of tasks to clear his probation period.

So, it is better to leave him alone and let him concentrate on his work.

He understand that you will be neglected in the process so he have asked you to go back to stay with your family.

Just give him love and tenderness before he goes to work.

Dun surround yourself with negative thoughts as it does not help you at all.

At the same time, you should read up and understand more about marriage life.

TheMissus SG

I guess your hubby is having a hard time in learning the information required for the new job.

I guess he is tasked to achieve lots of tasks to clear his probation period.

So, it is better to leave him alone and let him concentrate on his work.

He understand that you will be neglected in the process so he have asked you to go back to stay with your family.

Just give him love and tenderness before he goes to work.

Dun surround yourself with negative thoughts as it does not help you at all.

At the same time, you should read up and understand more about marriage life.

He does not have a probation period.

One of the reasons why I posted is so i can understand more about marriage life.. hopefully from more experienced people here.

Pappygatmus SG

I am speaking from experience. I hope I am of some help myself.

Though I wasn't wedded with my wife when I am experiencing what your husband has been going through, I do live together with my wife-then-fiancee for 4-5-6 years.

She doesn't work then and now actually, but I had to support the house back then too.

I work in a company my dad co-owned, but that doesn't mean I get to pull strings. I worked my way from the bottom and my paternal family also pressurize me. Due to these reasons and maybe more which I may have forgotten to mention, I tend to get rather hot-headed.

My wife was understanding and from my guess so are you. I shouted at her a few times those days but she stayed by me. In the end I realized I was doing all the hard work for her, I want to give her financial security in our materialistic world. So... I postponed the marriage to almost 4-5 years just because of this.

I almost snapped my arteries when I went to work one day, got the promotion I aimed for and I sat on my desk. Realized I am so worn out, then I realized it was because of my wife I could keep that spree up. But due to that we lost some quality time together.

Well... biography apart. What my wife did was just being supportive, comforting me.

Small things like cooking up a meal, get my apparels ready for the day.

My story may be too wonderful, but I can't remember any significant hiccups between us, but I know there are.

Come to think of it, this isn't really helpful. BAHHHH jsut felt like helping.

It's just a phase he is going through, like puberty. Short tempered teenager, kinda like that. I would like to believe, it's not his nature to be reclusive.

gasband SG

I dun know much abt marriage life. But I am in my early 30s and I am also working hard. A man like us, when we say, leave us alone, its best to leave us alone, take it literally. The more u try to understand, the more he will feel that u are stifling him. But u did things well like just making him food and drinks and then leave him to his work, he will appreciate it when he finished his work, trust me, i am like that also.

Pappygatmus SG

Wah...

Everything I wanted to say compressed.

I think it's best not to play mummy. Nag and nag, he got enough of that from mum.

zichuan SG

give him a good fuck

Q.C.Pak SG

The only time you find you measure love is when you don't love as much.

TheMissus SG

give him a good fuck

err yeah i have some frens to tell me to get some kinky costumes or lace lingeries lol and use sex to relax him and lure him out of the shell.. but I dun think it will help. My hubby is a very serious person and very career oriented and goal oriented..

btw should explain my hubby did not change company, it's the same organisation he's been serving since he started work after university so there is no probation period, but it is an entirely new job in an entirely new place. But same organisation.