Family problems

Kayla SG

Apparently, I have fights (verbal) with my uncle almost every single time he's at home and he's really going over the top (making lots of noises and deliberately trying to damage stuff like the kitchen sink)

- He's currently staying with my family cos he isn't married (my grandma's house)

- He's always annoying me, my sis and my grandma (always asking questions repeatedly like "have you eaten" or saying lame stuff like "hello" when all of us are really busy with our own stuff and there he goes talking crap here and there

- He kept saying that me and my family (parents and sis) should just get out of the house cos this house's his (btw the house's under my grandma's name)

- Unemployed, stays at home most of the day talking crap and cleaning (using water as if it's free and the more we tell him the more intentional he gets)

- Another note: it's my parents who are dealing with the daily expenses and monthly bills (he doesn't pay a single cent)

- Gets money from my mother daily (if no $$, he will get keep on ranting on to my grandma so no choice)

- Tries to get money from me and my sis too

- Sometimes pretend to be sick to get money from my mum to see a doctor

It's as if we can't "offend" him bcos we're afraid that he will hurt/annoy my grandma whenever the family's out.

So um, after much contemplation, i've decided to seek some advice here on how to really deal with this guy who's really causing lots of troubles and headaches for us (finances and also mentally)

Forbiddensinner SG

- He's currently staying with my family cos he isn't married (my grandma's house)

- He kept saying that me and my family (parents and sis) should just get out of the house cos this house's his (btw the house's under my grandma's name)

- Unemployed, stays at home most of the day talking crap and cleaning (using water as if it's free and the more we tell him the more intentional he gets)

- Another note: it's my parents who are dealing with the daily expenses and monthly bills (he doesn't pay a single cent)

- Gets money from my mother daily (if no $$, he will get keep on ranting on to my grandma so no choice)

- Tries to get money from me and my sis too

- Sometimes pretend to be sick to get money from my mum to see a doctor

It's as if we can't "offend" him bcos we're afraid that he will hurt/annoy my grandma whenever the family's out.

So um, after much contemplation, i've decided to seek some advice here on how to really deal with this guy who's really causing lots of troubles and headaches for us (finances and also mentally)

If he tries to threaten you/your family or attempt to hurt your grandmother, call the police. I do not like using words which are too harsh, but this kind of trash have to be taught a lesson. Even a night in the police station will make them wake up their ideas.

Your grandmother will probably go something like "Don't call the police" or "We are family", but if worse come to worse, have faith in your actions, and call the police to take this scum away.

Why do I give you such an advice? Well, my mother's side of the family happen to have someone like your uncle, and who also happens to be one of my uncles. He use to ask money from another one of my uncle ( lets call him + ) who lives together with him in my maternal grandmother's flat, and will beat my maternal grandfather if he does not receive any money.

My (+) uncle could not take it anymore after the scumbag threatened to beat him also, and he called the police to deal with him. He was made to stay at the police station overnight, and he dared not beat my grandfather up again or voice any threats.

PedoBear SG

1 - respect your elder and no need to bad mouth your uncle. all the points just add up to he is lazy and demanding

2 - check with your grandma and your family first. are you the only one having problem with him or all your family have problem with him. cos seems to me, it is only you who have problem with him

3 - from your complains
point 1 - your family and him are staying at your grandma but you make it sound like your uncle is staying with your family and add in your grandma as an afterthought
point 2 - seems like your uncle is trying to be friendly, is everyone annoyed at him or just you?
point 3 - he is just being demanding, egoistic
point 4 - he is lazy
point 5 - so what? are you parents complaining? who are you to complain if your parents are ok with it? getting less pocket money because of this? money issues
point 6 - again, is your mother unhappy about it or just you? your uncle is just being demanding here again + money issues again
point 7 - ok, a demanding uncle again + money issues again
point 8 - ok money issues again

so from your 8 complaints, you have a demanding, egoistical and lazy uncle whom you dont like because he keep asking money from your family

Infact, from what I can infer, your grandma seems to be on his side cos your grandma would ask your family to give your uncle money just because your uncle "annoy" (but my guess is "ask") her.

Let me speculate, this grandma is your father's mother and this uncle is your father's brother. Your father is ok with this uncle's behaviour but your mother grumbles alot about this uncle's attitide and you've (maybe also your sis) pick up on her unhappiness. (no fault of your mother, women are all like that againts the family of their spouse)

While some relatives can be assholes, you need to understand that he is still family. I also have an uncle (father's side, youngest of 9 brothers) who is a gangster, borrow money from family and never return, fight with the other brothers alot when he was young but 10 years later, a few years spent in jail, the eight brothers are still as close as ever(1 died young).

Then again, I could be wrong, your uncle could be a psycho who threaten violence againts all your other family members everyday or whenever your family cannot give him any money.

What do I know? I am an outsider but again, you are the one seeking answers from outsiders. Hope this helps.

ItchyArmpit SG

ur uncle is like my father lidat.. just that my father use violence and abuse us..

well now i am trained up and i use violence back on him.. tho not without reason...

haiz just cuz i am too trained up i have to use cane as i dun wan him to be internally injured.. so for ur uncle.. maybe u can threaten him back something that he is scared of? i know this method reflects badly on urself but we must use low standard method for low standard people...

Kayla SG

1 - respect your elder and no need to bad mouth your uncle. all the points just add up to he is lazy and demanding

2 - check with your grandma and your family first. are you the only one having problem with him or all your family have problem with him. cos seems to me, it is only you who have problem with him (it's not just me.... my mum (whom he gets the money from) is his sister... but he never ever treats her well and always badmouth her in front my me, saying my mum's not good blablabla) (and my grandma's really disappointed with this son of this, and they will both quarrel verbally once in a while over money issues and "house prob")

3 - from your complains
point 1 - your family and him are staying at your grandma but you make it sound like your uncle is staying with your family and add in your grandma as an afterthought (my family includes my grandma of cos... i'm trying to emphasise that pt bcos he's the one who keeps claiming the house is his and always telling us (my parents n sis) to move out
point 2 - seems like your uncle is trying to be friendly, is everyone annoyed at him or just you? (he annoys just me, my sis and my grandma, consistently and intentionally)
point 3 - he is just being demanding, egoistic

point 4 - he is lazypoint

5 - so what? are you parents complaining? who are you to complain if your parents are ok with it? getting less pocket money because of this? money issues (i have the same pocket money everyday but i just can't stand him... i've already encouraged him to try finding a job but apparently he has no intention of doing it. my mum's earning a meagre salary and still has to pay for his daily "expenses", can really see that she's not coping well from it all thats why i brought out this point)
point 6 - again, is your mother unhappy about it or just you? your uncle is just being demanding here again + money issues again (my uncle's my mum's brother.... although so, she doesn't seem to like him at all (not close) and she really hates him for his behaviour all these years)
point 7 - ok, a demanding uncle again + money issues again
point 8 - ok money issues again

so from your 8 complaints, you have a demanding, egoistical and lazy uncle whom you dont like because he keep asking money from your family

4 - When you say he might hurt/annoy your grandma, the emphasis is on hurt, thats why Forbiddensinner mention his violent uncle but from what you've posted, your uncle does not seem to be a violent person.
annoying? yes, lazy? yes, no sense of shame? yes but not violent. Lets be honest, have you ever seen your uncle doing anything violent? (he has a record and has been in jail for fighting, he hasn't "lay hands" on us yet but who noes... he has mood swings sometimes, his mood can go from normal to really bad and start insulting my parents and grandma)

Infact, from what I can infer, your grandma seems to be on his side cos your grandma would ask your family to give your uncle money just because your uncle "annoy" (but my guess is "ask") her. (yeah.. can see that she still cares about her son)

Then again, I could be wrong, your uncle could be a psycho who threaten violence againts all your other family members everyday or whenever your family cannot give him any money.

What do I know? I am an outsider but again, you are the one seeking answers from outsiders. Hope this helps.

Thanks... i'll try to be more understanding towards him..

SMB66X SG

If he is like that just ignore him.

ShrodingersCat SG

I used to have an uncle like that. From young, I would see him demanding money from my grandma to buy cigarettes. It lost my respect for him when I was young and since about 7 or 8 years old, I never greeted him or called him 'uncle' until he died. He used to like to talk 'rubbish' to us too, asking inconsequential things, but by behaving very rudely to him - he stopped.

I felt he was such a loser. No job, dependent on my grandma, and everytime we visited, he would be just there staring out at the corridor, smoking his endless chain of cigarettes. HOW to respect someone like that?

Well, one day, on our way home, my mom received a call from my grandma. My grandma said that my uncle had committed suicide.

You know what's my first reaction? Not pity - it was 'walao eh, that stupid loser die also must cause pain to everyone! especially my grandma!'

We went to my grandma's house immediately. For hours that night we were busy with the police, busy with settling all sorts of things.

While the 'elders' were busy, I was sitting there looking at this toy helicopter he left behind. it was a cheap helicopter, can only run round and round and round on the wheels. and the wheels were worn out and dirty.

Suddenly, I had a glimpse of this man's life - sitting all by himself in his room, no friends, no real family who cares for him, no work, nothing - just sitting there looking at his helicopter go round and round.

Throughout the funeral, little things about him came out. How he was the one who would cut my grandma's toenails for her. How he always helped her to clean the fan. How when he finally won a 4D prize (he buys them endlessly with her money), he bought a painting for the house. How before he died, he knocked at my grandma's door and asked her to talk to him because no one else did and she is the only one who bothers to.

And u know, now that I am typing allt his, it has been years and I still feel so sad because I realised I was just one of the people who have killed him slowly and surely all those years. I wondered if he was autistic, that is why he simply couldn't get along with people very well. He never asked the correct questions. In fact, towards the end, he never talked to anyone of us anymore. My mother told me he had been like this since he was young.

Would things have been different if I had been a little more patient, a little more tolerant? Take him a little less personally? I mean, besides being really 'irritating' and irresponsible - what else is he REALLY guilty of? is he an evil or bad person?

And if he is not really a bad person - why did i treat him the way I did? Cos I felt 'self righteous? That HE shouldnt be treating my grandma that way? Does it make me a better person than him?

His death taught me a lot of things. But I am very sad and ashamed that it takes a loss of a human life to teach me what I needed to know.

[email protected] SG

People dunno how to treasure the people surrounding him/her until their departure from this.

duanyuqiao SG

bring ur uncle go and chui chui feng