Need help desperately. Depressed about marriage life

last SG · 2009-05-11T16:36:41+00:00

before we talk about your marriage, can I ask you something,Are you willing to change your life?Saying and dreaming about it is very easy but doing it is ano...

Forbiddensinner SG

y she wan marry u huh?

den y u wan marry her?

Unfortunately a lot of people forgotten about this 2 simple questions after many years have passed.

Forbiddensinner SG

I will honestly advice u to get a divorce cause U are suffering! U tried to make everything meet but u still fail to. Husband and Wife should tolerate each other, understand each other, love each other no matter what. But in ur case NONE seems to appear recently I think divorce is an great option!

Many couples would have divorced if not for their children.

Divorce is only a 'great' way to introduce a broken family to the children.

Fugazzi SG

Two beggars with bowls begging and feeding off each other - that is the reality of both husband and wife here. The reasons, the suppositions - all of it self-delusion.

mistyblue SG

perhaps ts needs to talk it out to help him destress

but that is all a forum can do. tak in comments, give personal opinions.

the rest is still up to TS.

Thing is I truly hope by posting, this helps him gets some things off his chest.

Yunhaier SG

Hi Yunhaier, you captured most, if not all my fears. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to be immune to my wife's response.

All,

I'm not afraid of changes in the future but I'm afraid of the immediate changes when I asked for a divorce.

Anyway, I need to solve my 'meekiness' first and all the emotional baggages that I feel everyday.

So what if I have capture your fear? But you have capture none of my meaning.

I will quote your words and share with you a story:

Originally posted by GreyMeow:

[Quote] Hi Yunhaier, you captured most, if not all my fears. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to be immune to my wife's response.[/Quote]

***

There was once in a meeting - one marketing manager was arguing with the finance advocate.

"Hey look, I need the money to run my campaign"

"How can you expect me to give you the budget if you don't show me the result?"

The marketing manager got pissed. Ane he retorted:

"How do you expect any results if you don't approve my budget?"

And the argument continues with no conclusion from both end.

***

Chicken and egg issues.

There is no such thing as complete immunity - there's only firm decision in doing what you want to do and to stick with it vehemently. To decide that you will only move if you have full protection gear, immunity, vaccine jab against H1N1, defensive equipments, body guards and absolute clear weather - you will never be able to move at all.

If you don't learn to make decision, then be prepare to stay in for another seven years.

Cheers

Forbiddensinner SG

perhaps ts needs to talk it out to help him destress

but that is all a forum can do. tak in comments, give personal opinions.

the rest is still up to TS.

Thing is I truly hope by posting, this helps him gets some things off his chest.

I highly doubt he got anything off his chest.

In fact, he is now still wondering what is the next step when it is pretty clear to him what to do next.

In the end, it all go around in a circle once again.

GreyMeow SG

I highly doubt he got anything off his chest.

In fact, he is now still wondering what is the next step when it is pretty clear to him what to do next.

In the end, it all go around in a circle once again.

yes, it's always 'pretty clear' from a person not in the situation.

presently, what i can do is to be more firm and strong against her temper and fix my emotional/depression issues.

after 7 yrs of living in this situation, nothing is 'pretty clear'...so appreciate if you tell me what is 'pretty clear' to you. thanks.

Forbiddensinner SG

after 7 yrs of living in this situation, nothing is 'pretty clear'...so appreciate if you tell me what is 'pretty clear' to you. thanks.

It is pretty clear whatever we tell you goes in from one ear and goes out the other.

After 10 pages of good and bad advice, you are still stuck at square one.

It is pretty clear you still can't make up your mind.

After all this "counselling" you are still not taking action.

It is pretty clear that you should divorce her.

Yet you are still sitting in front of your com and complaining to us.

Meat Pao SG

Why should that be pretty clear?

I dont think he should divorce, in fact.

I think the pretty clear one is like this:

Firstly, improve his depression.

Secondly, go out more and get more friends.

Thirdly, try to save his marriage by taking a trip together with the wife.

Fourthly, consider moving to another home (change environment)

Lastly, always try to save marriage and exhaust all avenues and think of new paths, before giving it up.

I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.

Short Ninja SG

Stopped fighting with your partner and just go with the flow can ar not?."You can never win the battle of the sexes because there is too much fraternising with the enemy" (Henry Kissinger)

Forbiddensinner SG

I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.

If your wife treat you like a slave, refuses to do her part to patch up the marriage, will you try to patch up with her by going lower than being a slave?

dasreich SG

As a person who just completed my Divorce, let me tell you it's painful but necessary.

Why ?

1. Unless you decide to really restart the relationship, someone is always going to bring up the past.

2. Better to kill it now or end up living in regret.

3. Kill the whole relationship forever, don't even look her up or anything, treat her as a real stranger.

4. Don't make the life of your future kid miserable.

Why because when you have kids, you have a responsibility to them.

Fugazzi SG

An astrologer was walking at nite, studying the stars and on the road there was a hole by the side and fell into it.

The sound of his falling n crying awoke an old woman who lived nearby. She helped him and n he was very pleased.

After thanking her, he told her that he was a royal astrologer - that his fees was high, that even kings/ queens had to wait for months to see him n conluded by adding that he would predict her future for no fee.

The old woman laughed n said - You cannot see even two feet ahead - how you can see my future?

This is the madness of today's living, what cannot appreciate what is in front, onc cannot see what is - on is trapped in 'should be ... and ought to ...

when it perocolates into our daily living - in marriages, in relationship(s) - the endless conflict - love completely relegated to the bottomless pit

GreyMeow SG

Why should that be pretty clear?

I dont think he should divorce, in fact.

I think the pretty clear one is like this:

Firstly, improve his depression.

Secondly, go out more and get more friends.

Thirdly, try to save his marriage by taking a trip together with the wife.

Fourthly, consider moving to another home (change environment)

Lastly, always try to save marriage and exhaust all avenues and think of new paths, before giving it up.

I disagree with a divorce being put in such a prominent, front row option.

Yes, the first 2 steps are what I'm doing now...trying to improve my depression and then get back to knowing some friends....

At the same time, I'm also trying to be more strong and firm with her. If I still can't stand her or she still treat me badly....then I'll give up.

Hope everyone give me your support and prayers. Thanks.

Herzog_Zwei SG

不管世界变得什么样，我仍自我。连山倒海枯，我的心仍然平静。就算是世界末日、魂破烟灭，我一定把路走到底。这是我的人生哲学。

gLc SG

Hi grey.

Short term pain is better than long term pain. You yourself have found the answer to all these problems. You dont love her. Short and sweet. From what it seems, divorce is inevitable.

Just be mentally prepared for the problems that will hit you, dont fall down. Stay strong. Remember, its your happiness that your fighting for, your living your life and it should not be dictated by your current situation. I guess, slow steps to head towards divorce is a neccesity, it is important as she wouldnt get a shock or what. Everyone deserves happiness in a marriage. When a marriage has failed and cannot be salvaged due to external factors or long term of trying, you know what to do.

Ultimately, its your life, as long as you feel you did the right thing, screw what other people think. Be strong mentally.

Deino SG

i think that having a baby could prolly save the marraige if not ruin it...

both parties could prolly pay more attention and raise their child together...maybe this could make them learn appreciate one another...

there is a chance if there is will

Fugazzi SG

Marriage is an institution - persons are not. It is the lack of friendliness, not love that spoils, destroys ..... Marriages dont fail, people fail, love does not hurt, its something else that is parading as love n when it is not reciprocated - one hurts.

Love knows no fear, knows no reasons, knows no boundaries- its beyond the mind, beyond reasons.

You say: 'At the same time, I'm also trying to be more strong and firm with her. If I still can't stand her or she still treat me badly....then I'll give up.'

No one can change another with words - changes comes about thru your behaviour - if u can be a catalyst for change that is sufficient.

As to whether you want to stay or leave, to me, its makes no difference - I say that cos what is unresolved, not reconciled within oneself is always there, it would surface in a situation/circumstance.

Fugazzi SG

GreyMeow,

I do recommend Wayne Dyer's - Pulling Your Own Strings !

Fire Cracker SG

Grey Meow.

I must say something.

I must tell you about DIVORCE

1) 3 years of separation with her concerns.

2) 4 years of separation without her concerns.

3) House will return to HDB

4) She can Claim maintenance.

5) Both You and Her live in REGRETS.

UNLESS YOU FOUND NEW LOVE.

YOUR BRIAN REMEMBER THINGS. you will constantly remember her.

you once loved her. unless someone win your heart.

BUT DIVORCE IS NOT A JOKING MANNER.

YOUR CASE CAN STILL BE SOLVED, without divorce.

the farker marriage consultant only mess up. you are not young any more. you are 38.

from reading what you type up. i summarize something. something which many people will not see.

1) you like playing video game, she nag you. ok. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the game pad.

2) you read comics, she nag you. believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you won't even want to touch the papers.

3) you are messy, she nag you, believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will be extremely neat. for no reason.

4) you are depressed now, because you afraid she nag you,believe me, after you sign the deeds of separation. you will feel even more depressed.

5) you will live in regrets. you will one day wake up saying you will want her back even if it take your life.

HUMAN always regrets. regrets of many things. so take my advice. don't do it man.

yeah you might see others saying divorce is good, it put an end to one problem. but loneliness at old age is a problem.

for me, from a certain angle, i can see that you just didn't treasure her enough., thus she become your burden. losing her over some games/books/dirtiness/messiness/ other female friends are rubbish!!

UNLESS she have another guy and you can't take it, you let her go. UNLESS you have another girl and you considered. found the other lady is better, you let her go.

for your case. you must seriously reconsider.

Seems like i am the one of the few who tell you to reconsider.

but still, you must take our advice. Don't do it man. Don't do it. if you bother to post here, that mean you still want to seek advice, seek her, that mean you are still unsure, that's mean she's still a part in your mind. that's mean in a certain corner of the vast universe of your heart, she still there. you just have to find her back.

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