How to communicate with a ex-gangster sec2 educated?

last SG · 2009-02-20T10:34:54+00:00

Wow..."Very egoistic and weird guy. Do you have any friends at all?"lokey, are you talking about yourself?Anyway, Mr lokey Sykologeest Wannbii, ADHD symptome...

preservedorange SG

just open up and have no barriers. why are ex-criminals so different that they have to be approached differently from other people. they are human beings as well, like what you said. go ahead as per normal! do you approach indians, malays and chinese in a different way?

dumbdumb! SG

hmm, imo, educational level only affects the topics that u can talk to him about, which may affect the friendship in the long run, after all, conversation is one building block of friendship, abeit a small building block.

it's interesting you want to start a friendship with an ex gangster, i think it's great. btw how u know he's an ex gangster?

Gedanken SG

Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?

Oh, puh-leeze. "People admire me but also fear me"?! You have no clue about people, so get your head out of your arse.

skythewood SG

ok. If "society outcast" is inappropriate then what is a better term to use. To me, society outcast just means people who do not follow the norms of the society.

Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?

One of them is in Changi Prison, I just feel that I can do so much more before another of them do something wrong again. I really don't know, these people are out of logic. By the time the police catch them, even the best lawyer is useless.

I never say that they cannot contribute to society. If there is a communication problem then how does people approach them. How to even interact with them in the very first place

Sounds to me that you want to befriend him so you can keep an eye on him, so he won't do stupid stuff and get caught by the police... something like a mother child relationship, with all the nagging of the mother, but with no monetary allowance given... right?

gohysteria SG

Just adding my two-cents worth.

Start with respect. I do not know how you found out he is an ex-ganster and had up to sec 2 education. do not see him that way. treat him like another mate, a fellow guy who shares the same interest, i.e. going to the gym. there is no need to dumb down your speech with him. you might just have to speak a bit slower if you tends to rattle on a little. if you sense his vocabulary is limited, use common words that he could understand. there is no need to talk to him like a child. he might not be as well educated as you are, but he has life experiences that you probably never had.

be genuine. be honest. if you do not understand what he is trying to express or certain terms he uses, ask him to clarify for you. most people do not take offence if they can sense you are sincerely trying to communicate rather than mocking their command of the language. by doing this, he is likely to feel more comfortable to clarify with you if he doesn't understand any words you use.

jojobeach SG

ok. If "society outcast" is inappropriate then what is a better term to use. To me, society outcast just means people who do not follow the norms of the society.

Wrong, I think people is just people, some of my friends are already dead at 16, 27 so what is there to say?

I never say that they cannot contribute to society. If there is a communication problem then how does people approach them. How to even interact with them in the very first place

The one who is really having problem socially is not him.. it's you.

"They" do not need your sympathy or guidance. So quit acting like an elitist asshole..perhaps then he can consider you worthy enough to be his "acquaintance"

blowfish SG

i feel like giving u a punch .

Lokey SG

Just adding my two-cents worth.

ok point taken note.

Gedanken SG

Tell you one thing, though - this bugger's level of narcissism is impressive.

Lokey SG

it's interesting you want to start a friendship with an ex gangster, i think it's great. btw how u know he's an ex gangster?

My first impression of him was actually "bad"... (someone with overwhelming tattoo and ... hummm) punch me if you want. Yes I was bias.

Then one encounter, I left my gym locker keys somewhere and somehow he return the keys to me. So therefore he is not so bad after all. I tried to communicate with him loh.

I prompt him some question he reply so eventually I get to know him better. First time talking to such people in my life.

PedoBear SG

give him tough love

Lokey SG

Get it, try to be humble and accept his thoughts.

Should try to put him on the same level as I am, on equal ground.

Don't treat him like a child but a same level friend like usual people.

The fact is that i am posting a topic here is to try to understand how people are thinking. My view is limited and cannot extrapolate into other people thoughts by myself.

I admit I can be very egotistic. And I am trying to control that.

But do anyone of you all out there have real experience in dealing them ?

Any people like him who is willing to share what how your world is like

If I am using the wrong terminology for description then tell me what is a better word to use, then I change my wording from then on.

Gedanken SG

If you're for real, here's a few simple tips to get started:

1) Assume that you're dumb
2) As an extension of 1), approach your interactions with people with the view that you're there to learn things from them
3) As an extension of 2), shut up and listen - if you're too busy talking you won't be able to learn anything
4) Also as an extension of 2), understand that they are the ones doing you a favour by providing you with their company, not the other way round.

skythewood SG

Get it, try to be humble and accept his thoughts.

Should try to put him on the same level as I am, on equal ground.

Don't treat him like a child but a same level friend like usual people.

The fact is that i am posting a topic here is to try to understand how people are thinking. My view is limited and cannot extrapolate into other people thoughts by myself.

I admit I can be very egotistic. And I am trying to control that.

But do anyone of you all out there have real experience in dealing them ?

Any people like him who is willing to share what how your world is like

Well, few things to take note of.

1. He is not dumb. You are not smart. that's just you hallucinating

2. Having tatoos doesn't mean he did gangs.

3. He may not like to speak in perfect english. That doesn't mean he has low education level. Even if his education level is low, that doesn't mean he is dumb.

Seen plenty of such people in the army. They are the same as any other people, except they may be more crude in their actions and words.

dumbdumb! SG

Get it, try to be humble and accept his thoughts.

Should try to put him on the same level as I am, on equal ground.

Don't treat him like a child but a same level friend like usual people.

The fact is that i am posting a topic here is to try to understand how people are thinking. My view is limited and cannot extrapolate into other people thoughts by myself.

I admit I can be very egotistic. And I am trying to control that.

But do anyone of you all out there have real experience in dealing them ?

Any people like him who is willing to share what how your world is like

If I am using the wrong terminology for description then tell me what is a better word to use, then I change my wording from then on.

my cell member's kids are in gangs. still in gangs. one of my platoon mates is a gangster too.

in my opinion, they are friendly in a superficial manner.

when you try to talk about serious stuff with them, like their future, etc, they tend to zone out, nothing really goes in, although they said "Yes yes. understand" then they'll try to switch topic to something else.

they pretty much live for the moment, they can be impulsive. and they love talking about fights and drugs.

in the face of jail time, they pretty much resigned themselves to it, justifying it as "before i walk this path, i already know either i die, or i go jail, but i choose this path, so i won't regret".

they don't really regret their actions, not until they realise they have wasted their lives, usually they just deny or try to distract themselves from thoughts of regret.

summary: they are fun, if you want someone to accompany u for a drink, but long lasting friendship is hard.

Lokey SG

give him tough love

I hate this " tough love " program. I don't think sending a juvenile delinquent to boys home and hostel or whatever, help the person at all. i think it is a waste of time and it make them smaller and eventually affect their life and cannot carry on with it. A psychological scar that is hard to remove.

If I was being send to these places, I would react very violently. l am not someone that can control by force or instructions or whatever. I really will kill every one and tear the officers from limbs to limbs. no joke. I don't care if I exhaust myself or I get kill.

Gedanken SG

I really will kill every one and tear the officers from limbs to limbs. no joke. I don't care if I exhaust myself or I get kill.

Wah, drama sia. Join Mediacock leh.

skythewood SG

Haha, and the officers will just let you tear them limb to limb. cos they are weak and don't expect the people they are dealing with to be violent to them.

Lokey SG

my cell member's kids are in gangs. still in gangs. one of my platoon mates is a gangster too.

in my opinion, they are friendly in a superficial manner.

they pretty much live for the moment, they can be impulsive. and they love talking about fights and drugs.

in the face of jail time, they pretty much resigned themselves to it, justifying it as "before i walk this path, i already know either i die, or i go jail, but i choose this path, so i won't regret".

they don't really regret their actions, not until they realise they have wasted their lives, usually they just deny or try to distract themselves from thoughts of regret.

summary: they are fun, if you want someone to accompany u for a drink, but long lasting friendship is hard.

Somehow I understand from him, that their thinking is quite different from me/us.

I/we can think in long term aspect in projection to 10, 20, 30.. 50 years down the road. But their thinking is only limited to now. Got money means ok already.

He cannot postulate that when his son grew up what would his son think of him. I predict that it would be very sad, for this son to be like him or condemn him.

I think he is still young so even if he do private O level he can get up to poly and uni and reach the same status as I am at 27. I don't understand why he just condemned himself as "I cannot make it one/ I cannot study one". I don't understand why he cannot see that after going through some education would break his earning limits so that can earn more money comparing to doing hard labor. I don't understand without O level, even he want to sign on army also cannot be done. I don't understand that his family belongs to middle income so funding is not an issue. I respect his view but I just don't understand him.

I actually conclude that these people don't have logical thinking or some kind of thinking skills. The problem is I don't think he is dumb at all.

Somehow I believe that he has some aspect and view of life which I am kin to know. Somehow I suspect he is actually trading option at night and earning big money. lol. He is somebody special that why I can more curious to know him. He has certain aspect and he is not as simple as "ex-gangster" that is on the surface.

I don't actually treat him more superior than me somehow he know something I don't know. And interested to know more.

Gedanken SG

He cannot postulate that when his son grew up what would his son think of him. I predict that it would be very sad, for this son to be like him or condemn him.

Well, what about you? At the rate you're going, your kids will be embarrassed by your lack of social skills. Are you going to be so busy minding other people's business that you won't see that big hole you're headed for?

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