Entangled

Only-Way-4-Destiny! SG

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

My father is remarrying someone else. I am not holding any objections to this or whatsoever. I am on some sort of emotional rollercoaster. I am financially supported but I do not feel any emotional support. I am glad that I have a good aunt who I can share my problems with. She is also very concerned about my emotional well-being.

Once, when she figured out that there was something bugging me, she talked to me and asked me, "If you have one wish, what would you wish for?" Thoughts begin to fill my mind... I got very emotional and started crying and did not utter a word and she comforted me as she knew what did I want. I want to revert the clock back... Where this did not happen.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

I am now much more temperamental and very much more reserved towards my family. I really need some advice. I am starting to lose my motivation and optimism and if I do not untangle this knot within me, I doubt I would be able to move away from the shadow of this and this is going to affect my studies a lot. I really do not know how much more of this can I take.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?

PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.

dkcx SG

Family breakup are never easy to handle especially for older kids who have been used to staying with both parents.

If you feel comfortable speaking to our aunt, pour out your troubles to her whenever you feel they are overwelming. Keeping things inside yourself is never a good way to deal with emotional problems.

Your parents have divorced and i believe they have truly had a long thought over it before they decided on that action. Making them live together would not be possible but i believe they would feel seriously bad if they know how much it is affecting you.

You will have to come to terms with the facts. It won't be easy to get over it or recover quickly but you need to try steady yourself. If you feel lonely, try to go out with friends more or find things to occupy your mind/thoughts so you won't be thinking of things so much. Besides games which i won't recommend you return to, try to develop other interests and spent your time in them.

Sorry if what i've said has been meaningless and not of any help to you. f you are really very bothered by this, i don't know how much people here can help. Maybe you can request to speak to your school counsellor if theres 1 or someone more qualified to give you proper advice.

Only-Way-4-Destiny! SG

"Sorry if what i've said has been meaningless"

>Not at all. Every single help counts. Thanks

dkcx SG

Just try to work hard. Try to get yourself motivated and do well in school. Its hard but try. Make your parents feel proud of you.

Sometimes crying out might be a good way to destress but make sure you are able to recover yourself and move on. Don't let yourself fall ito depression etc over this.

parn SG

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?

PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.

If loneliness is the main cause of your depression, then you need to find friends whom you can rely upon and accompany you to walk over this stage of your life.

This may be a good time for you to start looking for a relationship, for someone who can love you and also someone whom you can trust to rely your thoughts on and also someone whom you can look forward to spend your future with.

Since you have mentioned your parents have separated 9 months ago, I will not go into thinking that you are deeply devastated by the separation. More or less you would've already gone pass that period or it didn't affect you at all.

The reason why you are associating your depression to your parent's separation is because you don't know what is causing you to feel depress nowadays and it's normal to reference it to the latest situation in your life.

Despite separated, if you were close to your family before....you would still be doing fine because you would be able to remain close and depended either on your Mom or Dad whoever has obtained custody of you during the separation.

It is loneliness and restlessness that you are feeling right now, and it is a good time for you to start pondering about your own future and what you wish to become in your future.

No Dreams are impossible to achieve and don't listen to people who will try to discourage you by telling you it's impossible. Yes, it's true that it may be impossible for more than 1 individual to become the Head of State. But that doesn't means you are not that 1 individual. You can be that 1 individual if your passion for your dreams are genuine and you are committed to it.

Find your own talent within yourself and think about ways for you to MARKET that talent of yours to good use. You want to live doing the things that you dreamt right?

Do not allow your environment to prevent you from achieving your dreams, and you may not believe me even if I can tell you it is true that your environment is actually there to stop you from living your dreams.

Regardless of the sacrifices you may need make of yourself and the opportunities that you may need to skip in the process of achieving your dreams, your life is more worth living for if you choose to spend it pursuing after your dreams.

Even if you failed terribly, you can always be sure that there will be someone else out there who will continue your dream from where you have left off.

Every setbacks and negative situations you may faced in your life, are necessary and part of the process in the grand plan for you to achieve your dreams.

Just don't forget that and live on and shine.

Yunhaier SG

*Double post*

mancha SG

At 15 years old there is only so much that you can influence and redirect the circumstances around you.

You must realize your limitations. What your parents are doing is beyond your control. You have no power over them.

You dislike what is happening. Of course there is nothing to like anyway.

But you can redirect you thoughts. You can appreciate the fact that your dad is remarrying. I hope your mum is in much better now staid now, if so, you can appreciate that too. Be thankful for you aunt.

You are 15 and at the cross road of your life. It is at this stage that your character is molded and set for life.

Will you be a take charge person? Or a whiner, wondering why things are happening to you. Your teenage years to the early twenties are your character building years.

Take the present crisis in your life as a test, and work positively. Fall back on your aunt for support. Assist your parents towards a more happier life. Think about what you can do.

Don't cry to your self and ask why all these are happening to you. Sadness is a powerful emotion, that goes right down into your subconscious. If you a whiner now, you will be a whiner the rest of your life.

Things will happen around you. Many will be beyond your control. How will you react?

Yunhaier SG

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?

PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.

It would be a self deception if you deemed that this will not going to affect you. Every aspects of our life is like an interlocking system, connected by all the intriguing gears. A slight tweak in one gear will result in a complete change in the monstrous engine of life and everything else will effectively reposition itself.

I would like to address one crucial understanding and distinctive awareness between yourself and that of your father's cosmic love challenges.

(1) Your father, like all other humans, is imperfect by nature. We all are - because we are just human beings. Also, life just doesn't have a ten-years-series manual on parenting, as well as relationship. There are many factors contributing to a successful family and your dad, like all students of love, is learning about his own complication and issues pertaining to his own love relationship - namely between your mum and your prospective step-mum.

You must understand that the collapse of your parents marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. This is but the intensive struggle between your parents' dealing with their spiritual union and this journey belong entirely to them alone. During solemnization, the marriage vow was exchanged between two parties - it was never anyone else. The formation was set at two, hence the dissolution remains at two.

The first step to liberation is never to blame yourself for your parents' lessons in life.

(2) You are part of the collateral damage suffered from the result of their decision. You probably have two choices. One is to deny and practice escapism, while the other is the gain clarity through acceptance and seek to discover your own self actualization.

You are an insightful young man. Your self awareness has concluded that gaming is a form of defensive mechanism employed by your subconscious to fill in the emotional void experience through this ordeal. In your reality, this might serve as a plaster to halt blood from oozing, but my concern is more on your holistic recovery (albeit with scars) and possibly to avoid a karmic cycle of distorted values in love that would continuously create wounds that bleeds you profusely.

I seriously suggest that you speak to your school counsellor, especially since you are concern with your performance in school. Indeed your aunt might serve as a sole pillar of strength in your family setting, but it's helpful to expand your emotional safety net with people whom you can trust and could possible assist you in other settings you are engaged in.

P.S: Do remember, the last thing you ever need is to introduce or adopt habits/decision that will create more misery in your life. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back.

Cheers

eeden. SG

its common to feel this way,when you have to fit into a new environment (i mean,with the remarriage and all).sometimes its good that you just cry it out,at least you wont feel so hurt on the inside.and good thing that you open up to your aunt and saying it here,it will make you feel better.

Only-Way-4-Destiny! SG

Thank you guys a lot. You all really brightened up my day!

Thanks to:

DownAndOut SG

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?

PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.

i got no advice for you. All i can do is you you a pat on the back.

ChoCoChips SG

all i can say is

习惯就好

be sure to contact ur mom often

Yunhaier SG

Thank you guys a lot. You all really brightened up my day!

Thanks to:

Welcome to this part of the online community.

Isolation will only breed depression, hence do stay around.

Cheers

xtreyier SG

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?

PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.

I empathise with you and share the pain you feel. My parents wanted divorce when i was 14 years old. Mom was a typical housewife, dad a rag to riches type of businessman who was tired of being nagged at home from a faithful wife who was cooped up at home all the time and lonely. He fell for a cabaret girl and even had a son.

Mom was devasted and after years, she broke down and demanded divorce. I love both of them, flaws and all. They were my parents, gave life to me, care and concern. I was too young to realize that being apart did not mean total absence. I too, like you, withdrew into a fantasy world and dare not face up to reality, selfishly hope they would not divorce, without realizing the real loneliness and sorrow my mom faced of a love turned sour, and the pain my dad suffering coming home to quarels after a hard day's battle on the economic front.

We used to be a happy family, with a brother and sisters. Mom's lawyer told us we would be separated upon divorce. I was the youngest and love them all. It was too much to take for my young naive mind. Friends at school did not understand the pain i felt nor did teachers bothered. I was alone. Books were my only friends which i escape into and found hope in some of them through tales of courage and perseverance. Finally my parents saw and realized what happened to the children they love too and did not divorce, and did what they could to patch up their tattered relationship.

The point is that there can be no denying of the fact that you would be affected. It is real, made more painful that you are only a growing adult thrown into a reality you were never prepared for or to deal with. But it is only a reality that you will eventually have to face up one day. To hide from reality and withdraw yourself from the world will only lead to disaster, for you will still have to grow up. What you really need is not fellowship from your young peers, for they may not be in a position to give good counsel as they too, are young and not ready for the world. Counsellors may help, but they are not related to you nor knew your background to be of help. I am glad you found your aunt. If she is really a kind person, stick to her for advice, for she faces reality in the real world daily and would in a better position to counsel and help. She too, like many of us, was a 15 years old once too.

Good luck. It aint the end of the world yet. There is more to the real world than you presume. There is ugliness, but there is beauty as well and it awaits you.

ItchyArmpit SG

lack of parental love...

maybe.. just maybe...

u could try telling urself that u need not be committed in any step parents stuff...

try being alone.. for me.. if i feel anything being left out.. especially in terms of family.. i will try to be alone, instead of friends.. maybe u could be alone.. tell some really trustable friends bout ur prob...

my suggestion may not be right, may be very wrong..

Snookerlover SG

My parents also divorced when i was 15, then my mother passaway when i was 20. It is the biggest impact i have in my life. And actually, i feel like the world has nothing but only unfairness scattered here and there. I even think of suicide, but it is irresponsible, that's why i am still able to sit in front of my computer and reply this topic. Maybe because of this, i am still prefer to be a single. No family commitment. To TS, no matter how tough your life could be, it wouldn't be tougher than those people that starving for everyday or orphanage even disable people. Just carry on your journey of life, that's what i can say.

Hawk Eye SG

Erm... i dunno how you'd feel about this.

but for me, i lost both parents since 5yrs old and 9yrs old.

Its really hard to handle and you need to be really disciplined and strong.

At least you can still get in contact with ur mum. Do call her more often and share with her your problems. Pray hard everynight hoping miracles will happen.

Makanyhow SG

You know what your problem is, it is that you are drowning in your own pathetic self pity. You want people to comfort you and emphatise with you. Wake up! No one gives a damn. Not the people here. Not your friends. They will most likely say "oh.. poor thing" and after that go on with their own life.

Everyone has their own lives to live. You cannot expect anyone to intervene and take control of your life. You should take control of your own life. Get up and be a man. Learn to be tough and swallow it. The only other people who care about your situation right now are your family members. If you need help, they are the people to turn too.

Anyway don't take the harsh tone personally. It is to kncock and shock you out of your idea and self pity. I extend my best encouragements to you.