hi everyone, i really need advice from you guys regarding my
situation.
I am currently attached.. and i have fallen for another girl. I
know from the way i say, you guys might think i am a bastard.. but
let me continue.. sorry for the long story..
I am attached with my gf for almost 3 years..throughout these 3
yrs, there are high and lows.. except tat she voiced out to me
since last year, that she asked me if i will go back with her to
china (she is a prc) after we graduated from poly. Tat time, i
really dont know how to answer her, and i just brushed it away.. my
mum know tat she is my gf, and does not like her tat much due to
she is a prc..and thinks tat prc and sporean will not have a
bright future ahead.. i know my mum is biased... but somehw i
think wad my mum says make sense..
As my cousin jus got married recently, and i saw the whole
process of marrying the bride, preparing the bridal gifts, gowns,
issuing and preparing for relatives and friends to the dinner and
ceremony.. if i were to marry my gf in future, i really cant
foresee anything.. it will be a headache and a real hassle.. as her
parents and relatives are all in china, she once mentioned to me
b4, if i were to marry her, i must move to china with her, and get
settled there.. my parents will surely nt agree to this, as i am
the eldest son... i asked her if this can be negotiated, like u
stay with me in spore,and have babies.. she say she cant, as she
need to looked after her parents in china...
sigh... a big headache isn't it? 1 year later to present, i in
my 3rd year of poly.. i met a girl who is in my gf class.. we
grouped together through a module we need to take.. the girl which
i have met, the 1st few times i never have any thoughts for her..
till as time pass by, where we have more chances to talk to each
other,and worked together.. i get to know her better... and
realised that we have many things in common.. and we really
clicked..after class at home, most of the time we chatted in sms,
or msn.. soon i realised i have feelings for her.. but
i din tell her, as i know my current situation.. and she din showed
any obvious signs of having feelings for me.. I think through my
actions, she will have suspected bah..
i am really confused.. one hand, i am pretty sure i have no
future with my gf.. as she will return to china one day... and on
the other hand, i have a feeling that this girl has a future with
me.. i really hope to woo her openly.. but i cant.. u all must be
asking me, y not break off with ur current gf? the answer is, I
dont know hw to say it to her.. we have been together for 3 yrs,
and if i wanna end the relationship with her, she will sure ask y..
i cnt probably say i fall in love with anothet girl,and the girl is
in the same class as her.. she will feeel more sad and
disapointted.. she is a nice girl.. no doubt.. but i know we wont
hve a future.. i really dont wish to hurt her..
can anyone advise me? thanks in advance
When one is young, one tends to think he/she will live forever and
there will be plenty of time. Time to make changes, that will grant
us a happy everafter.
But one day we will eventually wake up to our own mortality,
more so when time flew by and it seemed only yesterday when
promises were made.
You had like the girl, wanted her and be wanted in return, BUT
without a thought for the future. The 'future' had come, and is
closer than you realized. Thus your fear for the
committment.
Social conventions don't really matter if you both are truly in
love with each other. True love is not about giving and taking.
True love is about giving and accepting, expecting nothing in
return. It may make you loser, but think about it - What had you
lose that you did not desire for? Eg - you want her happy always,
but you feel miserable if it was not return. It is the 'return'
that you seek, an expectation, which no longer makes love true. I
am not sure if you understand this truth, not many do, more so our
ever pragmatic and self centred fellow citizens.
But nevertheless, find common comfort in the generally accepted
truth - that relationships are purely friendships, not marriage
where sacred vows are exchanged, and friendships need not be
binding if feelings are not mutual. Time may had been wasted, but
better now to learn and accept the truth than to suffer longer,
worse when sacred vows are exchanges and the innocent next
generation comes forth.
Be honest and tell her the truth, but help convince her to
change her mind if she truly wants you. If she truly
loves you, she will seek a compromise as you would, but if she is
adamant to have her way, then rest assured she would rather dump
you than to give in. You should then have no fear or feel
guilty, but rather, you should fear yourself for feeling guilty and
want to cling on to her, selfishly, for you will not give in to her
way.
