LDR and i'm stuck

yahoo.com SG

well..never even imagined myself to be in a Long Distance Relationship but as people always say “you never know” and so now i am involved with one. i am from sg while she is from the USA. she is singaporean and has been there for the past 6-7 years because her mum works at there… and she has been schooling there since. She comes here yearly and thats how it started. we are kinda distant relatives who are not related by blood and so the last time she came here it just happened.

She was going thru a bad patch with her bf. i didnt know that when it happened. she doesnt tok much about the bf and we went out daily and stuff. i so liked her but didnt have the guts to tell her coz i alwaya tot that we are related and so nothing will/should happen. On the other hand, she liked me and kept telling me that we are not related by blood.

And so she was about to leave in like 6 days time back to the states and here i was in a dilemma if i should tell her that i like her. after thinking through alot… i decided that what the heck.. even if she is far away, i can wait and i am the kind who do not cheat my gal and also do not look out for potential relationships that kind. i am very reserved and alwayws with my frenz. so one day while we were clubbing i told her i liked her and she told me the same too. i was so happy and the following days we were very happy.

a month passed and i decided that it was torturing not to see her. we contacted daily and i decided to pay her a visit on valentines day and also wanted to spend herb day with her the following week. all this while she was very lovey dovey and always msged me and said she missed me etc etc.and so the day came i went to the states. she housed me at her place because everyone wasnt around..all went on holiday. thats when the problems started.

Her ex bf kept contacting her. and she replied. she told me that her ex had been part of her life for 4 years and tat its difficult for herself to forget him. she is trying but she admitted to me that she is finding it v difficult. wat more they all have mutual frenz. her best fren is also his best fren.. and so meeting is unavoidable. she tried staying at hm n not meeting up but that made her v unhappy. and so i played it cool and told myself nothing will happen bla bla.

during my stay there… it was kinda a bad experiance. i knew that she was not being herself on all except the last 3 days. we are both shy and so we had to start all over of getting to know each other again bla bla.

her ex bf tried to come closer to her but she pushed him away everytime that happened. and we both did have physical contact short of sex. on her bday alot of stuff happened. her bf called her at 12 midnight to wish her. that pissed me off coz i was waiting ebside her to wish her Sad next day bf went to her work place n did some stuff… and then they argued n my gf cried. later at nite when we were out having dinner.. gf’s best fren took the house keys(she took it from my gf) and let the ex bf in and ex bf decorated the house with balloons and showered her with lotsa presents. at that time my flower delivery just came. he saw it and he got very angry. the letter that was accompanied with the flower, the best fren hid it as she did not wanna let him know that i exist.

so i left for singapore the next day after her bday and thigns haven been the same since Sad she does not msg me that often. she told me that she still has feelings for her ex. but they cannot be together and so she needs time to get over him. i told her that no matter what she does.. she should tell me so that i can move on and she told me nothings going to happen. but her msgs have never been the same. no more “i miss u” and all those lovey dovey stuff. fone conversations have also been pretty much normal. but she told me that she will definitely come back in 4 months back to sg to spend her summer holidays with me. and her ex bf just threw a big birthday bash for her the day before yesterday.

i am just so confused. should i just let her go and move on with my life? wat is she thinking? does she really wanna be with me? should i play it cool and let her get over him and all the while being a pillar of support for her? will i be hurt if i did that? if she didnt like me, surely we wouldnt have had physical contact rite? i know how difficult it was when i broke up with my gf of 6 yrs. took me quite a while to get over her. and now i am prepared to wait for her but i dun wanna be disappointed. i really dunno what she is thinking but she and my mum toks alot and she told my mum that she will be back. but she didnt tell my mum that she likes me when my mum asked her on her bday if she was happy.. she just said “i dunno” ... all this makes me sad.. firstly the “feeling” is different now.. no matter how much i try i feel that i am the only one tryiing to show love. she just talks normally to me. or am i thinking too much? can anyone pls tell me better what is going thru her mind? thanks so much..

seotiblizzard SG

Let go and move on.

She's back with her ex, and yup, ur game is up.

The whole issue here is tht u are here, and she is there, and her ex is there.

seotiblizzard SG

Simply put, she liked u, and she love her ex. See the link now?

teraexa SG

The boat sank and you, the raft, floated by.

Now the boat floated back up. What do you think will happen to the raft?

henshin SG

For me, I would do the pillar of support for her, it is nothing but I love that girl. Love doesn't mean you need her to be at your side, most important thing is she happy.

KrenByte SG

Well if you want to be direct, ask her to straighten out her mind, make her decision (you or ex), then call you back. Till then, don't bother contacting her.

Forget about assuming the outcome for now, things could be rather complicated on her side (or mind).

barista SG

things are not looking good for you.

On the bright side, anytime her bf is gone, she will come back to you again. That could be in between bad quarrels,when she couldn't contact her bf,when she's troubled, temporary breakups etc.

logistic SG

I'm in a LDR as well, and I have to say that you're so much better, atleast you're able to travel there and spend that few days with her, while for me we survived on webcam, msn and emails.

So look on the bright side and be positive, I've to say LDR requires lots of faith and trust, also its a test of endurance for both of you. Did you tell her about your insecurity and did she give you any re-assurance regarding that?

You can possibly expect all the lovey dovey stuff throughout your relationship thus its more of the mutual understanding that you both have for each other.

Wish you luck! All the best in your LDR...