Why is it so hard to find friends to hang out with these day

last SG · 2009-01-11T20:36:26+00:00

i nv complain what.. i am just sympathizing with TS nia U where got no friend? Dim Sum outing u meet 17 new friends mah

alwaysdisturbed SG

its already so crowded out there. they don't like crowds.

or weather is too good to head out.

or no money.

viciouskitty74 SG

Then hang out yourself.

National Library is a great place.

It got to the point that friends grumbled that I am more in the library then with them.

Meilin86 SG

Sorry for the big fonts.

I am so lonely. What i can think is about work and staying at home. I have many friends but they made tons of excuses. " Mang mang mang......" Turn crazy soon.

alwaysdisturbed SG

find new friends la.

i'm sure there are many here.

Cool-gal SG

find urself a bf lor.. or keep making new frenz, preferrably single ones..

its like tat.. ple always busy with their stuff n themselves, when they got nothing to busy with, they will come n make use of u to pass their time..

haiz....

bad 2009..

annoy-you-must SG

Maybe because your friends have yet to find someone cool enough to hang out with?

Daisuke-kun SG

it's the O's

cherrycola SG

I have felt the same before but I guess this is jus part and parcel of growing up. As we age, we have bigger and more commitments. Friends would have made other friends. The singles could have become attached and the attached may have gotten married. Therefore, they may seem to have lesser time for you than previously.

I think the key is to learn to enjoy your own company in the absence of others.

Remember that you may be alone but not lonely.

FireIce SG

problem between k/b and chair

shadez SG

How old are you?

ditzy SG

Everyone is more busy making money than friends, you can have no friends, but you cannot have no money.

Maith SG

if u have money,everyone would wan to go out with u. Trust me,im serious. u can even tell them u going to treat them a meal or something and they will hang out with u for sure.

walesa SG

I think you need to understand the distinction between friends and acquaintances - your colleagues/classmates whom you socialise with (i.e. have meals with, go out to movies with, etc) are not necessarily your friends. Therefore, you shouldn't really get all too hung up on the idea that your weekends should necessarily revolve around these people for clearly, they don't necessarily regard you as an intimate part of their personal and social lives. More importantly, meeting up with these people more often for meals/movies/what-nots is hardly a guarantee that bonds are strengthened.

In short, it's the friends whom you can still call a friend 30 years from now and wouldn't think twice about calling at 3am if you need help (and know full well they are people you can count on) that matter - the losers with pathetic time management and an insecure outlook on life (yeah, those who are often "busy" juggling their schedules between different cliques of "friends" in the short-term who hardly keeps any friends in the long-term) are hardly acquaintances you need in life.

After all, as some folks have mentioned in this thread, if you're simply lonely and need temporary company to tide you by, offering to pay for your "friend's" expenses will very easily do the trick. But are fairweather acquaintances what you're looking for?

Sockhwa SG

i have this same problem too.. Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............

Fantagf SG

Meilin, nothing new really. Many these days only care for themselves and hardly want to spend time with others. I have given up on them already.

Fantagf SG

if u have money,everyone would wan to go out with u. Trust me,im serious. u can even tell them u going to treat them a meal or something and they will hang out with u for sure.

I agree with you. There was a period of time when I was jobless, my friends told me that they will go out with me if I manage to find a job. These are fair weather friends. These are friends that I went dining and clubbing with.

Xel'Torias SG

There was a period of time when I was jobless, my friends told me that they will go out with me if I manage to find a job.

Sheesh, couldn't get anymore obvious than that! Were they just trying to... motivate, you to find a job a little faster? Or perhaps said it in a joking fashion?

Back on topic, while most of the time, it's up to the individual to make time to meet up with friends if they are truly serious about keeping up the friendship. However on the flipside, with singapore's absurd preoccupation with results and the 5 C's (for working class folk), it tends to create the mindset that "if you're not studying/working, you're falling behind the pack". And then comes the issue of "face" and kiasu-ism...

Still, I would say that ultimately it's up to the individual, and whether they want to make time for you or not. If they don't, perhaps (hard as it may be) it's time to find some new friends. :)

candiz SG

cheer up, hope u can find that true friend soon ~

shadez SG

I agree with what the posters above said. It's up to people if they want to make time for you. It happened to me before, maybe i can share with you guys:

I used to have a very close friend, used to even call him "best friend". I would have known him for 10 years now if we had kept in contact. I last saw him about a year back & after that, i swore to check him off my friends list. Thing is, it doesn't matter how long you know somebody, they can just be making use of you the whole time.

He used to hang out with me really often, like maybe 3-4 times a week. He didn't really have much friends then, & as i found out from his later actions, was just making use of me as a stepping stone. Then after he entered a new stage of his life, a new school, he started hanging out more often with his new found friends & we slipped contact.

I tried contacting him but like you TS, he was BUSY. I tried many times but it was always the same reply. So after some time, i got the hint & just stopped contacting him altogether. If someone is keen on keeping a friendship, they will HAVE time no matter what. So, if those people keep making the same excuses, they just aren't keen on hanging out with you.

Do what i did, i totally dropped that person off my friends list. If i bump into him anywhere, i wouldn't even acknowledge him. Be smart, not desperate. Now i'm so much better off, i have a bunch of buddies who hang out with me very often.

Go make some new friends & open up more. Be friendly & i'm sure you will find friends very soon!

VL SG

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