The best thing you can do after the maelstrom of angst, rage and
regret has passed is to look at the reasons why the relationship
was on the path to doom in the first place. Examine the good and
bad aspects and time-out to reflect on the real reasons why you
hung on for so long in the first place. This the perfect time to
stock up on self-knowledge. Why were you too weak to be the first
to realize it was headed nowhere? What made you forgive him over
and over again?
SALVAGE OR LEAVE BEHIND?
Before you attempt to move on you'll have to sort through what's
left and decide what to salvage and what to leave behind. There's
no running away from what went wrong, and delaying the process of
dealing with it will only leave you with a similar situation in
future relationships. You should never attempt to rebuild your life
without identifying what went wrong, what your part in it was and
how you'd like things to be different in future.
MOVE ON
When the relationship is over, you should be aiming for closure.
This is one thing that can't come fast enough. Closure is a deeply
personal experience that tells you that you've reconciled with all
things past, and is ready to talk about your experiences and
welcome new possibilities into your life.
You would have moved past the tumultuous emotional state and
arrived at the point where you fully comprehend who you are as a
single person. Don't mix this up with getting involved with another
person or abusing your freedom and physically indulging
yourself.
YOUR FRIENDS
It's important to surround yourself with people you can trust and
seek comfort in. When a relationship is over, these supportive
individuals will probably have seen it coming and will most likely
react with relief and empathy. Some more distant friends might
react with surprise and dismay, and their outpouring of sympathy
might throw you off. If seeing some of them elicits negative
emotions, avoid them or be direct and tell them exactly what you
need at this trying time. Don't let their expectations of you or
the relationship get you down even more.
HIS FRIENDS
In the wake of break-up, you might find yourself losing friends who
happen to be sitting on his of the fence. This might be a rather
painful experience for you, but in the long run not having
individuals who remind you if the past will be a relief. It will
let you to choose exactly who you wish to invest your time in and
build a comfortable social circle that lets you be exactly who you
want to be. Lose those individuals who don't contribute to your
life in a positive way.
FULL STEAM AHEAD
A painful break-up can sometimes change the way you feel about a
number of important life issues. Get a grip, you are still same
person you were before, and this pivotal time might force you to
reassess yourself personally. There will be some stumbling blocks
along the way, but once you get past them, it'll be full steam
ahead.
If you've really processed and accepted the past, you'll find that
you're raring to jump headlong into your new life with a vigor and
enthusiasm you never could have imagined before.
FIVE TIPS TO TOTAL RECOVERY
1. Rant & Rave
Allow yourself the chance to wallow and indulge in regret and
unhappiness for a bit. Cry your eyes out if you need to, and don't
be sorry if you want to call your best friend for the umpteenth
time just to reminisce and talk about the relationship. Letting out
your emotions will prevent them from festering and manifesting in
other areas of your life. But remember you'll have to stop and come
back to reality eventually.
2. Indulge Yourself
Now that you have all this time for yourself, take on some of the
things you've been dying to try or that you've pit on hold because
he couldnt be a part of it. Take up that diving course, enrol for
a language class or take the long awaited backpacking trip with
your friends
3. Avoid The Rebound Trap
If there's someone who attracts your fancy before you can even wipe
that last teardrop, watch out for the classic rebound scenario.
Avoid thinking of the new man in your life as a godsend cure from
heaven, you'd just be setting yourself up for a long fall if things
don't work out. The Best thing to do is take things slow, don't
throw yourself too quickly at your new object of love. Make sure
you're over your ex completely before anything further
develops.
4. Cut him loose
Tell yourself over and over again that it's over for good. If he
keeps calling to ask for one more chance, or if he just wants to
stay friends even though he's seeing other people, don't fall for
it. The urge to forget all things bad and cling on to whatever you
can hit even the most pragmatic of women. Steer clear, cut him
loose and celebrate your newfound singlehood.
4. Don't Engage In Promiscuity
Many might find the new freedom disconcerting and unnatural,
especially if you've been attached for ages. You might find
yourself running scared of commitment and intimacy, and seek
comfort in pulling out all the brakes and indulging yourself with
any guy that comes along.
After all the changes that you've been through, the last thing
you'd want to do is dive unknown into sexual encounters. The
thought of free-for-all fun might seem exciting to a hurt and
wounded heart. Trust your better judgement and don't run the risk
of becoming imprisoned in your failure to get over your ex.
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