Adoption

jane doe SG

Hi.Hoping to find unmarried mothers who gave up their babies for adoption/adopters who can share their experienced.Currently im heavily pregnant n will be due in nov next mth.Ive talk to counsellers n made a very difficult decision to give my baby up for adoption.I juz need to feel dat im nt alone n there's sumone out there who experienced/experiencin wat im goin thru.

seotiblizzard SG

Why do u have to give up ur baby?

limpper SG

do take care alright.

crimsontactics SG

heavily pregnant?

myfairmissy.com SG

most of the time..if you take things a slight little easier..see things more openly..you'll find that you can get thru this period.... child is innocent...try not to do things that you know you will regret later on in life.

BangHong SG

due as in? Please find counseller to talk and seek them fopr advice!

BeautifulBetty SG

heavily pregnant?

Heavily pregnant means she find it difficult to walk and sit and tired all the time as she is already in the third semester. It's jst a term to use.

Anyway TS, you sounds you are underage that is why you need counsellors. Normally underage is not allowed to keep the child as you do not have the ability or means to bring up the child. You need to be financially independent before you are allowed back your baby. Unless your parents are behind there to support you, most babies will go for adoption.

Why not cut a deal with your counsellors. Set your child up in the orphange home first (if your parents don't want the grandkid) for the first few years until you come off age then you take the child back. That is also provided you have proven you have the means to support your kid financially. Honestly if you do not have the capability and underage the law will always take it in their hands and do what is best for your kid.

Be brave ok?

jane doe SG

Ive been wif my bf for 6yrs n we did plan to get married next yr. Sumhow when u start plannin,things dun always go ur way.I only found out when im 4mths pregnant.Dats quite late.I overlook d signs as during dat point of time my dad was admitted to d hospital due to an accident in d shipyard whr he was werkin.It was veri stressful for me.I hardly ate n when i do ate i would vomit.Dats when i went to c d doc n found out im pregnant.I was speechless as it reali came at d wrong timin when everythings is in a mess.I am strictly against abortion n so its totally nt one of my options.I love babies n my bf n i had agreed to keep our baby.None of our family members knew abt it as it was nt d best timing to announce.

My dad's condition deteriorates n he had to go for surgeries n therapies.D hospital bills keep on coming n its drainin me.I was pursuin my part-time degree n had to stop halfway.N so my health n pregnancy was affected.I started talkin to counsellers n askin for advises.Dats when my bf n i decided to give our baby up for adoption.I love babies n to be makin dat huge decision is reali difficult for me.Others might stereotype me as a bad mom.But d decision im makin is for d best of my baby's well-being.To be caring for a sick dad n to raise a child together at once is too overwhelmin.N after deductin my dad's bills,im nt even financially stable to care for myself wat more raisin a baby.

Criticizing others n goin thru it urself is two different things.I do hope dat plp dun judge me by my decisions.

caleb_chiang SG

Since you already decided on having the kid born, do look for information but do not make any decision now as you might reject doing so when the child is born. After giving birth then look at your financial status, I believe that you would keep the child if you can still manage...

zaxis SG

is this topics related

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/333534

kenzoshin SG

Hi Jane doe

You are certainly not alone in this kind of dilemma. Understand the emotional roller-coaster ride you must have gone through during your pregnancy. More important for you not to feel sad or guilt-ridden as though you have made a very serious mistake. Everyone makes mistake. Just a matter of whether it is big or small. So don't worry for now.

If you are seeing a counsellor now, please continue to do so even after you have given birth to your baby. Heard of post-natal blues?

For whatever reasons that you have to give up the baby for adoption, it must be very difficult for you as a mother. But think of it in the light that it could be the best possible solution for you and your baby's future. You must be either very young or financially weak that counsellors proposed the option to you.

You may wish to contact any Family Service Centres around Singapore (there should be one near to your home) for emotional and moral support and/or approach any of the 5 Community Development Councils within your residential vicinity for any financial assistance and later after the birth of your child, for employment assistance.

God bless you, dear jane doe. Cheers!

Yunhaier SG

Before you make the decision, perhaps you should take a step back and study the macro view of your situation, instead of dwelling on the micro version of your plight.

Promise me one thing before you start reading my post: do not imprison your thoughts and dismiss other possibilities because I am telling you that your decision right now will affect your entire lifespan. As much as you have thought of an alternative, there are also alternatives to your alternatives or even revisiting previous rejected alternatives.

***

It is very common (and understandable) for people to feel overwhelmed by series of life challenges hurled directly at you. But before we lose hope and ultimately the vision to problem-solve - the more issues we have on hand, the more we need to segregate our problems one at a time and disallow them to congregate.

Allow me to enter your spirit and read your thoughts. You might probably see your problem as:

(1) Study, (2) dad's health, (3) baby, (4) finance, (5) bad timing, (6) marriage, (7) clash of values and (8) combination of everything else.

Firstly, you do yourself a favor by removing (8) from your thoughts - the dissolution of wholesome thinking is the beginning of wisdom. Next, since you have dropped your studies, so (1) should be eliminated (you should consider it again in later stage, but it's the least of all priorities now and should be eliminated from your focus of thoughts). Your dad's health (2) is linked to finance (4), but there's nothing you could do for his health, other than prayers; therefore they merge. Bad timing (5) and clash of values (7) are interconnected, but by itself it has little meaning and I will show you:

- Bad timing: you can't turn back time now. Forget about the argument of bad timing and learn the concept of present and the future. Therefore it merge with Baby (3) and marriage (6).

- Clash of Values: you seemed to have clear up the notion for adoption, but I am not sure if there's this stigmatization for having to give birth out of wedlock? I will rename this as Future Complication.

***

The reframed mind should see this solely as your current problems:

I) Finance

II) Baby (w/ marriage)

III) Future Complication

Then you have to assess which of these problems are temporal in nature. I would name Finance (I) as a temporal problem because the financial problem is tied to your dad's illness. Should he recover or when both you and your future's husband income improve, things will surely get better. This situation is likely more transitory than permanent

For (II) The decision to give up for adoption or to raise it yourself is temporal in nature too, because once you made the decision, you got to live by it and hence it will dissolve into Future Complication (III). If you decide to keep it, you can simply ROM (pay like $28 or something) and remove possible social stigmatization. (As well as pocket $4k from baby bonus).

***

The new focus should look like this now:

1) Finance - transitory

2) Future Complication - permanent

Now, I would like to reveal some ideas behind Future Complication. In simple: knowing that financial difficulties are often transitory in nature, no matter how draggy (years) it takes to resolve, one can gradually climb out of it with motivation. Our social classes and financial ability are pretty much fluid in this meritocracy system (or at least that's how it appears to be). However, once you give your child up for adoption, note that this move is pretty much irrevocable and should one day when you are better off financially, you do not have the option to 'reclaim' back your child.

***

Your answer to this question will probably suggest your decision:

Do you want to sacrifice short term to appease long term or do you prefer to appease short term and sacrifice long term?

Cheers

limpper SG

is this topics related

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/333534

it seem to be related. not sure though.

zaxis SG

same person created 2 different topics but stories almost identical

waste of time

JerryYan SG

be4 my ger was born, my mil recommend us a baby to adopt

they quote $15k for baby boi & $12k for baby ger

Xcert SG

Heavily pregnant means she find it difficult to walk and sit and tired all the time as she is already in the third semester. It's jst a term to use.

Be brave ok?

trimester.

and orphanage also has to facilitate adoption mah...as in....it might not be possible for U to put the baby there and expect them to help feed ur baby and when U are ok...then take baby back.

kindly correct me if I am wrong.

if the issue is purely financial...My suggestion is to ask for help from MCYS...its not going to be a lot...but it should help in putting ur baby by ur side.Not to mention others like CDAC,SINDA,MENDAKI,etc

I remember they had a scheme where low-income families get help to break the proverty cycle....parents cannot be too old and cannot have too many kids...I think U fit the bill?