I don’t know. I just feel as though I’m in a mess.
Failing in school, no particular outstanding achievements.
Had changed so much since I was in primary school. Is that what
growing up do to you? It just fucked my life up totally..Whatever
that I used to do, I stopped doing them, and I kept to myself..
I don’t know what I want in life, what I want to be when I grow
up, I just live everyday aimlessly, living on for tomorrow,
enduring what everyday has got in store for me.
Recently got 0/30 for a math test. Like what the fuck? 0/30? I
have always sucked at math, but getting a 0/30..was depressing I
would say. And it was especially so when I though I would actually
pass it.
Now in school, I am famous for getting 0/30. Getting 0/30 for
math was near impossible, and that was what I thought when I heard
that there were 2 other people who did so.
I have always tried to keep up, always trying to give a damn,
always asking questions, always doing my best.
But when am I going to see the results of my hard work?
Any teens in the same shit that I am in? Feeling down? Feeling
aimless and feeling like shit?
Worst still, I’m in a rather famous school in which students are
known for their intelligence, even though not all of them go along
with this idea.
I have expectations to live up to, both mine, and others. I have
already tried very hard to achieve them, and yet, my standards for
myself are dropping yearly while failing to meet them.
Life appears to be mundane to me now, all the shit that I do
everyday that repeats itself drives me crazy…
I’m known to be rather hardworking and friendly amongst my
friends, but I don’t do as well (academically) as compared to those
who seem to not give a fuck..
Really don’t know what to do now..
Hm, I was in the same situation as you before.
From quite a famous school last time. Got sucky results even
though I thought I've studied hard while my friends, who appear not
to have studied, all did better than me. I was feeling quite
indignant and depressed at that time then, and I will always think
the world is unfair. However, if I think about it seriously, my
friends could have worked much much harder than me, just that I
didn't get to see it (i.e. they mugged like crazy at home) or
they could have engaged tutors to guide them. For me, I don't
engage tutors, so if you are the same case as me, you ought to put
in much much more efforts than your friends in order to catch up
with them.
My L1R5 was like more than 20 all the time. And I was like the
only one in my class that actually can get E8 and F9 and hence I
was the lowest in my class. The 2nd lowest person in my class only
got C6 as his lowest grade? That was how bad I was at that time. At
times, I've wanted to give up on myself. However, being the kind
that always want to win, I refuse to let myself down just like
that. I pushed myself on harder. Until sec 4 prelims then my L1R5
got raised to 14 and my lowest subject grade in my L1R5 was a B4.
And for O-levels, I've managed to get a single digit for L1R5 and
my lowest subject grade was an A2.
My advice: Don't give up on yourself yet. All's not lost
yet.
And another thing, famous schools always tend to set harder
papers for their own students so as to challenge them. Only until
prelims, then they are much kinder and they set easier papers. Even
though the prelims paper were much easier, whenever I compared my
school's prelim paper and the O-levels paper, I will go WTH.
So don't worry too much but at the same time, don't be too
complacent! Must continue to work hard! If I've managed to overcome
this problem, you can too! =)
