my girlfriend she is a very friendly and socialble person,
sometimes with our group of friends she's outgoing to a point where
she would play with the guys like tickling and playful touching
them.
i know she dosent have any intentions but there
is one mutual friend with ours she had a fling with last time
(before we got together) she is particularly very friendly with
him. and well.... touchy.. .. i get insecure.
honestly i am confused, i really am. i really don't want her to
change because of my jealous insecurities
but on the other hand i do feel insecure.
i have talked to her and expressed this to her. but i know she
can't really register.. because well she's kinda the type
in one ear out the other and she kinda gets lost i the moment of
fun.
so firstly i want to ask if from a third person's opinion, am i
being overly jealous?
i told her about this and had a long talk and said that i would
try to prevent and control these thoughts. or get used to it......
because the truth is this is her personality.
and i love her for being herself, and expecting
her to change seems contradictory to me.
but im confused by my emotions and my head.
help?
I sincerely do think that there is really some conflict going on
here, or as you have put it, "contradictory".
May I guess that you are the opposite of your girlfriend's
personality, and because she was so different from you, perhaps may
I presumptuously presume, the part of you that yearns to be so
carefree too, that you were attracted to her?
This has nothing to do with the so call "opposite attracts" for
those are based on healthy complementary
differences, not based on insecurity or "jealousy".
There is nothing wrong with you. You were just not comfortable
with your girlfriend's "outgoing" behaviour to the boys and like
what one forumnite said, I do not think those guys are being
respectful to you or your girlfriend either when they are so-called
"being playful" with her.
You said you had a long talk with her. Yet you also expect to be
turned a deaf ear upon. The word is "expected".
Why?
That is why I said "opposite attracts" and this "opposite" is
not a good sign unlike those based on healthy complementary
differences e.g.--> This is unlike she is into sports and you
are into plants.
First, there seems to be a huge disregard of respect, from what
you have written, from your girlfriend's side.
Can a relationship work without respect inspite of her "she
kinda gets lost in the moment of fun" & "i know she dosent have
any intentions"? Are those really good
excuses?
Back to the part where you said you expected her to turn a deaf
ear to you. Why are you letting her do that?
Why do you allow someone
especially your significant other, who should of
all people, pay the most attention and respect to you, disrespect
you this way? Why are you helping her to find excuses already (ref:
"i know she can't really register.. because well she's kinda the
type in one ear out the other and she kinda gets lost i the moment
of fun.") and in a way expect to be walked all
over by her?
In my opinion, work on your own issues first before you truly
plunged into a relationship. Be truthful to yourself, your
own feelings. Right now your own feelings is telling you
that you are uncomfortable with this situation. Are you going to
disregard it again and sweep it all under the rug
only to be nudged time and time again by this uncomfortable
feeling? Respect yourself and others will respect
you. It is because (perhaps since growing up, people
around you have been putting you down) that you are used to
disregarding yourself that you have perhaps walked into this
relationship without even realizing whether it is healthy or not
for you.
Maybe it is a lot of work for you to do, but may I suggest that
you write down what kind of qualities are you looking for in a
girlfriend and what kind of girls in reality have you been
attracted to? Compare the qualities in this 2 columns, are they in
conflict? How do you think you are able to match both of them? You
need some quiet time for this and a whole lot of thinking for
yourself, what you want in your life and the
quality of your partner. Especially pertaining to
your significant other, this is not a matter to be "qing cai" or
"anyhow" about.
I am going to be very presumptous here again, but I just want to
say, we may not be able to choose our family, but we sure can
choose the good friends we want to surround
ourselves with and that includes your significant
other. Respect yourself, learn how to walk away from
situations we find ourselves uncomfortable in, learn to be more
open and assertive, and respect will come your way.
