It's been nearly a year since we broke off. But i am still
struck here on the same point where he left me.
He gave me all sorts of reason saying that he wants a breakup
pushing all the blame to me. 2days later when i went to look for
him again to try and save our relationship, i saw a lovebite on his
neck. That kind of pain in my heart was undescrible. He already has
a new gf.
The reason we quarrel and ended breaking up was because i found
out that he have been chatting with this gal. I didnt expect things
to turn out like that. Moments before we quarrel he was still
lovingly holding my hand.
Being with him for 4 and a half year. We have even thought of
starting our own family. We have even went to apply for a flat
together. Little did i expect him to have a change of heart. Just
moments after he break off with me. Maybe 4 years plus wasn't long
but we have gone through so much ups and downs together, how would
a guy say forget, let go and leave just like that?
He's happily with the gal now but here i am couldnt move on. I
thought i had already let go. Trying not to think but he kept
calling me and ask me out. He doesnt have any intention in patching
back. He just need someone's accompany when his gf is working. His
calling and all, triggered the love i had for him that i had all
along tried to hide and not to think, i kept telling everyone that
i am oki and i have already forgotten him. In fact, i am just lying
to myself.
I cried everytime i think of him, everytime i thought of all our
memories, all the promise that he has once made, everytime when i
passby the places we have went to before. There is so much so much
memories everywhere.
I wanted to move on and forget about him but i just couldnt stop
thinking. I donno if i am still waiting for him to come back. I am
so confused myself. What a useless gal.
You attempt to use
credits of the past to justify harboring excessive emotions into
the now-defunct relationship. In Love's concept of time (CloUdiSm -
Law of Time), I quote: 'What's dead cannot be
revived and what's revived will not be original. What's original
will be in the past and what's passed will remain
dead.'
Death is often misunderstood - often liken to a form of some
massive evil that lurks in dark, abominable to all existence. In
fact, it's like an entrance; when one pushes the door, the other
side appeared to be pulling - creating one-effect-two-perception
situation. This simple relation between life and death in
relationship is but our quintessential cosmic growth that expands
our higher learning in Love. Neither existence nor non-existence of
a relationship contributes to the success/failure of relationship;
it's merely a continous process.
In fact, throughout the lifespan of a relationship - it could
gone through several process of 'death and rebirth', as Love
evolved through the vicissitude of a relationship, shaped by the
couple themselves.
Nobody says it's easy to move on; but the difference lies in our
concept of acceptance, as well as our grieving process. Those that
deny their circumstances often find it a struggle to cope with the
demands of reality against incongruous delusion that they are
trying to upkeep. Many times, the delusion is inherent and self
generated, as our false belief strengthen to corroborate with the
lies we have gorged ourselves till the point of insanity.
You perpetually questioned yourself with all the mundane 'why',
which incarcerate you with heaps of nonsense and fettered you from
moving on. Allow me to shatter some zealous beliefs you have held
so dearly - why must a four-and-a-half years of relationship be of
something to him as well?
You must understand that this value, in which you have
emotionalize, is exclusive to your own personal belief and does not
necessarily means the same on his side. His action suggested a
strategy of hook-bait-reel-release technique in retention
initiative and if you are foolish enough to buy the tale of the
'I-like-the-other-woman-but-I-love-you' crap - then don't weep if
you ultimately realize the poignant truth that could ruin all good
memories, which is probably all you have left right now.
You cannot judge the future based on the rules of the past. You
will always be miserable if you cling onto expired game rules that
disallow you to unlock your gate to freedom.
To move on, you don't have to run. You just need to draw your
first step.
Start walking: a step in a day will mean ten steps in ten days
and a hundred steps in a hundred days.
Remember, we are responsible for our own happiness and misery.
If you choose to dwell, nobody can coerce you to climb out, other
than yourself. 
Cheers
