Been in this relationship for 6+ years. Both of us cant
bear to let go, but he is not confident to carry on as well.
For the past 2 months, we have been running in circles - trying to
let go and trying to carry on.
At the beginning, we were happy and things were rosy. However,
unhappiness built up from a few serious quarrels and many small
issues. Things become boring, but I am contented, thinking that we
will end up together no matter wat, trusting in him, in me, in
us.
Things started to go wiry 2 months back due to his work stress
and some other fundamental issues between us. And yes, it has
dragged for 2 months and mushroomed into a bigger problem. He
started to wonder if we will be happy together as we are of
different wavelength (meaning we don't share the same jokes). Worst
of all, he has a female colleague whom he can really
click with and I made him realise that she has feelings
for him. He cant helped comparing me with her and his feelings for
her has developed as well. Due to circumstances, he knows that it
is impossible for them, but he can't help thinking to try out with
her. It makes it harder as he sees her everyday.
I have asked him to give us a chance till end of this year. Can
this extinguished flame be rekindled? Is his feeling for me
dormant somewhere and I will be able to find it back?
Or should I just let go this relationship of 6 years? He told me
that he still feel regretful when we last decided to let go (which
was last thur).
A three-nation research on divorce and
separation was done last year and it was noted that an accumulation
of daily trivial affairs are cited as the main cause of the failure
in marriage and relationship.
Hence, those who had victory in marriage would have mastered
interpersonal skills that allowed them to manage and compromise
annoying daily issues that builds up over time, which maliciously
seeks to oxidize and decay the core foundation of the very Love one
have constructed.
People might envy such lengthy relationship, but the measure of
relationship must always be qualitative and how relative it is to
our personal growth, and not mere quantitative figures of how long
the couple has been together or absolute assumption that a
relationship gets better with age or ultimately leads to marriage
and happily ever after.
Like the once-glorious Tang dynasty, which too crumble eventually;
is there a reason so attractive that this ailing six years
relationship is still relevant, in both of your reality, by being
together?
Your six-year affair would amount to nothing, if the relationship
is basically inane, mechanical and obligatory. A kiss is but mere
touching of lips if the emotional component is missing. For one’s
happiness in Love does not depend entirely on who you are with, but
rather, the true rationale of breathing the relationship must be
certain and burned into staunch conviction into our love
beliefs.
The longer the relationship… the longer the race… the easier it is
to be eliminated by stress and deranged circumstances.
Testing your relationship artificially is an immature way in
problem-solving. Your relationship is already ‘constantly being
tested’ via Love cosmic lessons – your artificial interference only
suggest additional plunging of blades into the back of your
relationship and damaging it further. It does not, unfortunately,
improve your situations, other than bringing it closer to
death.
Examine your relationship in-depth first and decide if there’s
still a reason for the relationship to continue. Same goes for your
man. Take one problem at a time. Tackle the immediate issues first
- the decision with regards to the other woman, if he should quit
his job, etc. Then seek to work out the internal comms, expectation
and behaviour within the relationship as your second concern.
Finally, you can preview and reiterate critical values and beliefs,
once you have re-establish foothold onto your Love, so as to ensure
longevity of your relationship. 
Cheers