I am 23 yrs soon 24.
I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid
her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is
malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd
semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT,
she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked
her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i
don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when
we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial
to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her
through a website i created for my classmates when each individual
needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words
most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns
and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about
her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she
does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first
girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship
phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to
face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon
after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2
years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly
basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her
friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she
was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years
without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi
first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the
wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good
male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in
a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the
chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to
a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went
different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my
life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment
phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together,
will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we
divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to
her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not
because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad
memories we may have if we are being together. I don't
wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one
day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't
know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but
is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person
who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe
totally different from what i suppose to expect... i also don't
really like girl that are more clever than, i don't know why.
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the
wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than
getting into relationship?
There is something fundamentally erroneous with
your mindset and you are kinda living life in this rather narrow
and hollow viewpoint that brings you nowhere.
Allow me to provide my two cents:
This is the difference between people who think about Love and
people who are in
Love.
The former are but scripted fantasy conjured towards achieving a
flawless yet nil achievement results in their scoreboard. What
happens is that you can probably speak in splendid details about
your every brush encounter with this lady, yet you have no actual
proof as a means to follow up to validate your affection and turn
this piece of dream into reality.
You choose to reframe your mind to applause your lack of failure
than to see it as a lack of success (or even growth for the matter
of fact). After all, a 0-0 is still better than potentially a
0-1.
I will quote from Karl Marx: 'The philosophers have merely
interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to
change it.'
Your topic title is misrepresented: you are NOT a person with
commitment phobia - you are just extremely fearful of failing
For those who talk about marriage even before you start proper
dating; seriously, fringin` learn to crawl before you attempt to
fly. Albeit this sounds damn old school but really, the dearth of true love is
partially because people calculate way too much for their own good
to even begin achieving anything significant in love and for their
relationship.
And you know what's the worst? Your decision is largely claimed
from pure observation of others and this is not even personal
experience - concluding like a veteran, with zero battle
experience.
You are not a sociologist - you don't have to play a
participant-observer role.
Learn to be a lead - for your own life... your own show - or you
quit acting altogether. The latter is if you prefer to live in your
comfort zone and be an audience instead.
Your choice. 
Cheers
