Ive known this girl for 2 1\2 years or more...I started to
develop feelings for her after i learnt about her...her charm,
goodwill, personality, how she loves studying and dancing, and how
much her family is dear to her, and wishes to support them in time
to come...
We've always just messaged and msn'd, rarely called her. Maybe
because when i think of calling her up, the only thing
left is my heart to explode. I've always wondered why is it so hard
for me to talk to her on the phone. Not the same with other
'girl-friends' tho. Ive told her abt my intrest in here 3 times,
but all her replies were 'its not the right time, she doesnt knows
when or shes really buzy with life(with her dip and her hectic
dance schedules). She also has mentioned its not that she
doesnt like me, its just bout the timing. So yeah..ive havent told
her for the 4th time(been nearly a year since i hinted her the last
time), but maybe it would be my last coz her studies are gonna
finish soon, and probably might be the right time. If she stills
doesnt approves of a relationship between us, i guess i should move
on. But i swear it'll be so hard. All this two years plus, ive
related her on so many things in my life. (Eg, like when i was in
BMT, i always said to myself, whatever hardship i suffered in army
is all for her, aspirations to become a successful guy in life
to support her all my life and of course much many more, just
listed the ones that came to my mind a few secs ago). The only
2 people that knows abt how i feel is my best friend,
and one of her best friend. They told me to take it in my
stride and all they could do was to wish me best of course. Great
motivation but not enough if i get the jelly feet often when i
talk or meet her. (How do i confess my love to her face to
face like that!?)
We've met a couple of times, most of it sending her back home.
The more recent ones was this year, when ive met her just a measly
3 times but i'd say the most meaningful ones. The first one was
when we went to zouk together around
early feb...everything went awesome, way beyond then how
i expected that night to me...i was like let loose that
night(probably coz she was with me). My friends were like, 'what
happened to you last night, you were crazy!'. She said the same
thing and said i was rather cool tho. Usually i find clubbing
boring actually. That was the only time i really enjoyed
clubbing i guess. After that night it was back to square one.
Second time was arnd late april or early may. Nothing much, just
met her and sent her back home safely. But it was meeting after so
long, so i really didnt take notice of anything else then to just
meeting her. If there was any chance to meet her i'd jump at it,
but theres very little i must say.
The most recent one was a forthnight ago, where she agreed to
watch movie with me(like after so long we've known each other). So
we went to watch hellboy2, played the arcade and chilled out
at coffeebean. I could see she avoided eye contact with me and was
rather shy. Likewise i was the same aswell. So, yeah we were just
catching up and she was sharing some random stuff.
While we were at coffeebean. She suddenly asked me when i was
gonna be commited to a partner. I was rather stunned for a momment.
But i replied 'When she's ready'. She knows who i
meant, and she was like so shy bout it. When i asked how about her?
She said after my studies or graduation which was like just a few
weeks away...Is she hinting something? Maybe its my pursuit
of her which moved her? I maybe wrong, maybe that could
be just a casual question eh? Im just a very hopeful individual yet
sometimes a failure.
While i was sending her back home, she told me, rather softly,
'we're great friends'. I was like, what?. She said 'we're great
friends', while looking away somewhere. I was like 'oh'. and i was
telling to myself, 'great friends for now just i hope'. See, how
hopeful i am?
The past sunday she told me shes havin a high fever. So i
messaged her that you should see a doctor and all those get well
soon and how you feel in the morning and good night messages. No
reply. Totally. I called her last night, but her sister said
she had slept. So yeah, i waited till this morning hoping that
she would reply, and she did at 9.58am. 'You called? im fine
now. On my way to school :]'.
Wellll, Ok. She replied. But why didnt you reply me at all to my
countless messages sent to her? Weak? i dont think so, messaging
doesnt take much effort. She could still contact her bestie bout
her mc. Why not me?
I really cant understand her at all...Just when i thought our
relationship was getting a step ahead, and it goes 2 step
backwards. So how do i go about telling her bout her reclusiveness
for the past week? or can any girl out there tell me, what shes
thinking about? and what are my chances?
