I am starting to like a classmate in university here in US. both
of us are from singapore, while she is starting her first year here
and a few more to go, I am only here on exchange for 1.5years.
right now, I feel I am starting to get jealous and disturbed
when mutual friends join us when we(me, her and her "gf") are doing
stuffs in the library and they join in and take up space. I
know 1 of the mutual friends is trying to get to know her but he
does not know of my stand.
our backgrounds are quite different, her family is far more
significantly well off than mine. Some of her social habits are
distinctly different from mine, she's a party animal and smokes but
I am neither. Yet instead of maintaining the distance between
us, I seem to be wanting to encourage or back her habits like
buying her cigs. Something extremely not possible with other
friends.
if you ask how close are we, I say not that close as of now.
Though she does ask me things that you ask close friends and not
casual friends like whether is she cavalier in her love
attitude. Normally that starts setting off alarms in me, I
mean there is no smoke without a fire.
She also does tell me how much she dislikes her gf sticking to
her like glue, though she openly behaves close to that gf. she once
told me her 'benchmark' for a close friend and apparently, I
haven't reached that stage yet, not entirely surprising since I
only know her for 1 month.
Despite several alarm bells ringing inside me, such as knowing
that some people remarked that she is cavalier in love, her recent
breakup(assume amicable) with her sg BF, difference in social
habits and that I have my studies to be concerned with, I still
can't put her down.
I am uncertain whether she knows about my affections towards her
but I don't rule out the possibility towards it.
To me this is like approaching the red lights at the junction,
to chiong or not to chiong.
