Continuing from my first AA thread here >
http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/300952
I've heed the advice of my own friends & all that
replied to my thread. In January, I did something (on purpose) that
made him mad @ me. I predicted that he would get so mad
with me, he'll ask for a break up. & He did. Everything went
according to plan. (Boy, was he predictable 
) So I took
that chance & I totally avoided him for a few days,
telling everyone that he broke with me.
But instead blowing up & threatening me, he cried
& apologised to me for how badly he treated me. He really
really regretted breaking up with me. He promised me that
he will change & he begged me for the chance to woo me back
& I couldn't help myself - I said ok because I still love him
so much. We contacted each other through sms for the first few
weeks. Then calls. Then we finally met up to go out together with a
group of friends. Then we started meeting up more frequently.
At first, there was no physical contact between us. Then I
let him hold my hand. Then I let him hug me. Then I let him
kiss me. Soon, it was like we never broke up @ all. I was very
close to patching back with him.
A day ago, someone close to me encouraged me to have a clean
break with him. Because he hasn't shown any drastic changes
since we broke up. He still has that temper problem. (Even though
we weren't together anymore, we would still get into quarrels) My
friend told me that I should start Poly afresh & leave him
behind. I had to stop contacting him once & for all.
I already msged him, telling him to stop contacting me.
After the sms, I ignored his msgs & calls. I'm not taking
it very well. I broke down & cry so many times yesterday.
I really still love him very much. He told me that
he is sincere, that he'll change & stay changed if I
go back to him. Should I believe him & go back to him?
Very emotionally unstable now 
I think if you really love a person, you need to know that you
cannot change a person. He is after all who and what he is. The
change will need to be coming from his end and not you trying to
change him.
And having said this, now he is trying to change and as a friend
we will need to see how sincere and resolve he is in this. I think
you will need to support and encourage him - not simply just say
break off . You see, at this moment you are his objective for this
makeover and to remove this would only have repercussions than
doing any good. I do agree that I am shocked to read how bad his
temper and outlook can be but I think if you can be equally resolve
on your part - things might just work out.
Here's how I see it. I think there will need to be some ground
rules set here and it must be strictly adhered to at both ends. He
will need to fufill his end of the bargain as far as his academics,
temper and finances is concerned. You will need good friends to be
by your side to judge his progress along with you. Which means no
more 1 to 1 dates and all outings will be strictly group basis for
1 full academic year. Grades and conduct all on the go. No
interference to your studies and certainly no distractions to be
coming from his end. There will be some demerits and having reached
that it will be considered as he has failed and be kicked out of
the game and your life. This was adopted by a friend of mine and
was quite successful and the period was for 2 years when he finally
achieved his O levels. Now he is a BA grad, thanks to her.
So all is not so dampening at the other end. Love when
administered with wisdom is really better than any essence and
lessons on life.
