Advises

zHuBa0bA087 SG

Dear All,

I would like to seek advise about relationship problems from the guys point of view.

My Boyfriend & I have been together for 3yr+ but just days before CNY he told me he needed a cooling period but 1weeks later, he came to tell me he wanted to break up. He left without any reasons.

Can guys accept betrayal? I know I let him down before & I tried my best to make it up to him when we are back together. When I finally confront him, he told me that "I don't love you anymore, I feel happier without you, I can't forget the past, etc." Why is it a guy take 1.5yrs to tell me this? When I didn't do my part as a Girlfriend, he will do his best to cherish me but when I become nicer to him, practically doing everything as a wife, he retracted & avoided me. He wants someone that is able to give him good memories & a relationship that is smooth-sailing.

He practically push everything upon me. Is it just a spite of words or is it the truth?

If he didn't see the future with me, why would he tell me about his marriage plan & even things to my Mum that gave my Mum the impression he will be the son-in-law?

What is a guy thinking? Is it when a girl treat you better, the more you will not cherish her? Is it you all don't want a Girlfriend that is able to take care of your daily needs, your family, etc?

Please kindly advise on what should I do because I have many 'xin jie'

aremeis SG

I think there are some grey areas which I think is inconvenient for you to disclose and I am sure this is where it is hurting the both of you. As a result, he has decided to take a step back. I do not think that a guy will just decide like that without a reason, a reason that must be hurting him very much. There is defnitely some misunderstanding from his part is also a consideration for your present situation.

Also, if it isn't from you then you need to be attentive about him, especially in the area of his well being and health. For a r/s to have endured for 3 yrs till today to break off is certainly unusual and there is definitely a valid reason. Just be objective. I am sure that he is of integrity and reliability for you to be so fond and committing to him.

If I were him, I would really be in a lot of pain - maybe much more than you. For that I would not be surprised at all. Give him some time to come to terms with himself and find another time to talk to him. But not without doing some homework to find out around his family members and/or his friends about him recently.

Hope this will be of help for a start.

elementalangel SG

sometimes.. guys expect gals to be smart enought to figure out the obvious reason..

zHuBa0bA087 SG

If you put your 100% into the relationship, you would not sense that the other party will do it this way to you. Just like I didn't know or realise that he is like this in the past

ChoCoChips SG

If you put your 100% into the relationship, you would not sense that the other party will do it this way to you. Just like I didn't know or realise that he is like this in the past

yea,when he put his 100% into the relationship, he would not sense that the other party will do it this way to him just like he didn know or realise u would betray him in the past...

purpledragon84 SG

hmm.. im quite blurred by the chronological order of the things that u mentioned.. but if i have to say something, i think it may be that he couldn't take the fact that u let him down b4.. different people in different relationships view/weigh things differently.. thus we cant tell for sure whether he used that as an excuse, or was that what he really felt..

there are other factors which may have caused this change in him too.. another person maybe? my sister's boyfriend of 6yrs walked out on her overnight, because of another girl at the club.. they were applying for house at that time liao.. kinda freaky if u ask me..

regarding ur qns at the end, again i have to stress that not all guys think the same way.. though for me i will appreciate her efforts of coz..

u must remember one thing.. trust is a very impt issue in the relationship.. without trust, nothing can work.. and once that deep trust is broken, its game over.. EVEN IF the relationship can somehow work, the trust will never go back to 100% anymore.. well that's what i live by..

best wishes to u..=)

Detached SG

Advices (Noun) and not advises (Verb)!!!

If I were you, I'd seek his final confirmation that breaking up is what he wants. You mentioned you've let you down and you're making things up to him - But don't you realize a glass shattered, no matter how well its mended... will always bear cracks? Cliche but almost always true.

You're probably dejected now, but still the only way out is to have a final talk to him. Have you even considered the break up could just be due to the fact that he lost interest? Too many possibilities, so have a final talk with him and confirm that a break up is what he desires.

I personally would not tell you things like ''continue to be the best you can be and you might touch him'' and all, I'd rather you be straightforward and honest with him. I guess at the end of the day, if a break up is indeed what he wants... you just have to wish him well and let him go...

crimson soldier SG

Dear All,

I would like to seek advise about relationship problems from the guys point of view.

My Boyfriend & I have been together for 3yr+ but just days before CNY he told me he needed a cooling period but 1weeks later, he came to tell me he wanted to break up. He left without any reasons.

He practically push everything upon me. Is it just a spite of words or is it the truth?

If he didn't see the future with me, why would he tell me about his marriage plan & even things to my Mum that gave my Mum the impression he will be the son-in-law?

What is a guy thinking? Is it when a girl treat you better, the more you will not cherish her? Is it you all don't want a Girlfriend that is able to take care of your daily needs, your family, etc?

Please kindly advise on what should I do because I have many 'xin jie'

So you betrayed him and now he's betraying you...i think the relationship is as good as dead.

Take some time to cool off? After some time if you two both find that you still need each other then maybe the relationship will get stronger.

If not then you can really try to walk away liao~

zHuBa0bA087 SG

Seriously.. I don't know what is it that he want. 6 weeks back, he told me he want a cooling period. 1 week later tell me he think it through & want a breakup. When I went to find him for the 1st time, he told me "its been sometime since we think of what we want, take this chance to think." 2nd time when I find him again "I don't feel that this 3yr+ relationship there is anything that I want to hold on." He is making me confused.

Initially he told me he has another Girlfriend, planning to get married next year but when I confront him, he told me because he wants me to give up on him. Is it when someone go internship, a guy will change so drastically that he doesn't seem to be the person that I knew 3yr+ back?

mihiro SG

the most common phrase,

people change as time goes by, if he have no feeling for you and do not cherish you anymore, there is no reason to keep persuing this relationship. If you keep questioning, why he did this to you and whatsoever, you are not only stressing yourself up, but this bad memorise will be all over your mind and new relationship can't enter,which eventually you might ignored someone who really cares about it but you builded a wall over them ( if there is any).