Relationship woes...=(

idonno SG

Once in a while I will play with my cat.

He does irrational things that makes absolutely no sense to me. The crazy things he does drives me nuts.

Then I begin to realise the fundamental truth.

He is a cat.

He is not suspose to do things that make sense to me.

Once I realise the fundamental truth, we reached an agreement that he can continue doing strange and crazy things from time to time.

A clause in that agreement state that when he crosses a line, there will be consequences.

I stopped trying to figure out why he does things that are strange to me but common for him.

Me and my cat got along fine after the agreement is reached

lolols..

onlooker123 SG

Spend some time apart.

scribes78 SG

To TS:

Cheer up. I used to be in your shoes, but in a worse state. The gal and me were never officially together, but already like bf and gf. The moment when she ditched me, I was literally left in pieces and shreds. I did more stuff than what a suitor should do.

But, one thing that made sense is that you can do whatever and all you want for the gal. Still, she is the one who will ultimately decide if she wants to walk with you till old age or till that moment when death do the two of you apart. Try not to overdo stuff, cos' once she gets you too easily, expectations tend to be higher too and more difficult to fulfill.

You have to try to be emotionally stronger. At least (touch wood), if really suay and things don't work out, you won't be too emotionally devastated. Giving her some room to breath is important too.

CannyOng SG

To TS:

You have to try to be emotionally stronger. At least (touch wood), if really suay and things don't work out, you won't be too emotionally devastated. Giving her some room to breath is important too.

Don't agree with that part! I don't know what stuff u did to yr gal. But what I know is don't take things from granted from both sides. I believe once u start something,it takes effort to maintain it.

Yunhaier SG

I'm currently in a relationship and lately, i've been feeling emotionally drained inside. I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.

Due to her school work, recently she has become very irate. She would blow up at me for nothing and sometimes, i feel like i'm her punching bag. I admit, i'm not a boyfriend who gives her alot of freedom, but i'm very sure that i try to meet her every demand. I fetch her from school everyday so that she has someone to share her day's events with...

We're arguing almost everyday, and 80% of the time, i'm the one giving in and apologising to her, trying to make things right. Whenever she stomps away from me in the heat of an argument, i feel really hurt as she doesn't even turn her head to see if i'm behind.

Sometimes, i try to do what she does, not looking back and walking away. But i found myself unable to do it. No matter if it was her fault or mine, i would always want her to be on good terms with me and therefore, would always make it a point to make things better.

If i were to judge myself, in my own opinion, i would think that i'm the softer party in this relationship. I can't bear to see us arguing but sadly, i feel that she can be very hard-hearted at times.

It's confusing to me, as i feel that she really loves me. When we are on good terms and she is happy, she would make me promise her that we'll never argue again. But in the end, another argument would sprout out.

We've had countless arguments on the phone, when we're outside. The thing i disliked the most, is that sometimes she'll say "whatever...".

I still love my girlfriend, and i'm emotionally drained. The thought of breaking up is unthinkable as i can't imagine myself to be without her. She has told me before that she can't live without me too. I've been together with her for almost 8 months already.

To whoever is reading this, if you had been in my situation in your life, would you care to share your opinion and resolve? Much thanks to anyone who helps.

Being in a relationship tells a lot about ourselves and often wondered why are we leading 'certain' relationship we never understand. Well, that's because you are trying to examine a problem within the structure of the relationship, when the root of it all lies with the self.

You have so much insecurity in you that could probably ping flood me out; you admitted that you are domineering and exercise control in her daily life - therefore, it's not really surprising to see frequent quarrels in your relationship because your insecurity is gnawing the life out of your Love.

You mentioned that you try to 'meet her every demand like fetch her from school everyday so that she got someone to share her day event with...'

Wait a second - doesn't it sound more like your demand?

***

Originally posted by shadez:

I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.

***

Interesting how one would reposition their perception insofar of having the ability to fit the claim so nicely and yet logical - this self justification of what you think is good for the relationship is merely a product of your unevolved perception. If your relationship suffers and not benefit from your definition of what Love is to you, then you might have to review the entire relationship from scratch again.

The reason why you are always compromising on your part, even till the extend of lowering your dignity, is because you are afraid that one day she might just turn around and walk away forever. Your fear of leading life without her presence coerced you to accept any odds, regardless of how ridiculous or unreasonable it seemed.

Your behaviors are driven by fear, much less motivated by love.

The paradox in Love: the more you fear you will lose her, the more damage you will unconsciously deal to the relationship.

Cheers

darkhour SG

omg y ur situation sound so familiar xD....yea n i agree to yunhaier for some parts...fear of losing her is driving u to give in...spking from experience, i knw its hard to stop that fear, but u haf to tell urself to move on coz of love n not fear...trust n confidence is very impt...atm i guess its gonna b hard, is she taking some major exams now?if that is the case its probably due to the stress, n u shld give her more space of her own...respect her need for space n trust in her...a relationship shld b build on trust...the more u lose faith in her, the more she loses faith in this relationship...

del_co SG

u need to give each other some breathing space
no need meet everyday...
but when u meet, make sure is quality time...
if possible... plan nicely wat u going to do...
on days when no meet, can sms, msn, tok on fone, video call.....

Your royal highness, how come you are queen of sgforum? haha, im amused by that title.

yeah i agree...dunnid to meet everyday. well dude my situation WAS something like yours too. until i talked things out with her after a zillion times....yeah. she will eventually get the point somehow. girls are like that...they follow their moods and emotions too much that they forgot to think about the one closest to them. when it comes to frens and all they are perfectly fine...cuz they bother to act or they see the need to act. but becuz u r her bf...she dun bother acting. on the positive side, you are someone close to her heart, thus u are her punching bag. on the down side, you are gonna lose your mind and contemplate suicide. haha! TALK to her about it. tell her that promises must be kept if the love is to be honored. it took my gf forever to get it. and when she finally did...she still broke it here and there. but the good thing is...the arguments have decreased, but the interrogation never cease. haha!

scribes78 SG

Not taking things for granted is important.

My point about not overdoing things is that it may result in unrealistic expectations to be set. What you want from a guy in a relationship is that he is himself. If he does stuff (which he normally doesn't do) and he overdo it to impress a gal, thats where you should be worried (especially when it is something like a very expensive dinner).

And, from a gal's perspective, you don't want to find out that he isn't able to keep up with whatever he has been doing, such as expensive dinners, surprises, flowers, cards and etc.

Making the effort to maintain is important, but it should be on stuff which is sustainable over a long term relationship. ;)

IamAngeline SG

We've had countless arguments on the phone, when we're outside. The thing i disliked the most, is that sometimes she'll say "whatever...".

To whoever is reading this, if you had been in my situation in your life, would you care to share your opinion and resolve? Much thanks to anyone who helps.

Hi shadez,

My husband and I were ever been in similar situation when I'm still in school. For past 7 years, we meet each other almost everyday even till now we are married but not living together yet.

Due to my project work at that time, I'm very stressed out and he was still in army then. We can quarrel over small things which sometimes we don't even know why we started the argument. During that time, we too almost splitted up, like you, feeling drained out. Thankfully, my best friends were there to help both of us out, telling us we should communicate with each other.

He started giving in to me (he has a very bad temper) and cheer me up whenever I feel easily frustrated. Sometimes, he will buy small little stuffs to make my day better. After a while, I began to appreciate his way of compromising and I told myself, I should control my frustration towards him afterall he is not the factor to it. As the 'give and take' by both of us, things actually get better and till today, we are happily married. :)

So.. don't give up so easily on a relationship that means so much to you. Just remember, it's all about compromising each other and communication. Talk to your gf, find a way out to suit best for both of ya. Well, I have to admit, girls need ppl to pamper at times (some of them, all the times) haha.

Cheerios!

mancha SG

See I told you so, bear with it.

jojobeach SG

Not taking things for granted is important.

And, from a gal's perspective, you don't want to find out that he isn't able to keep up with whatever he has been doing, such as expensive dinners, surprises, flowers, cards and etc.

Making the effort to maintain is important, but it should be on stuff which is sustainable over a long term relationship. ;)

Your idea will work ONLY IF, the girl is a total airhead.

Learn to be ADAPTIVE.

You don't want to do this, don't want to do that.. then keep you as a bf KAM LAN ? Ya, pun intended.

Tier SG

haha maybe ur routine everyday timetable has dull down. and not knowing what to do everyday create a frustration in both of you. become a habit to meet and it dun feel like a date anymore.

dun meet so often and try to plan the activities before going out will create more excitment and look forward to seeing each other more. doing something like cooking together also very fun. try to be busy with activities so there is no time for frustration. hehe

cApitaland SG

quality time, not quantity time.

aremeis SG

I just like to share a word with you: " Space".

I think your g/f is having an unknown amount of stress and anxiety with her school work. So you need to be sensitive and observant here. I do not see the point of being around her everyday. Did you ever consider that you might be distracting? Adding more burden to her than helping out? Sometimes we just need some breathing space, stop feeling so insecure about the r/s.

A simple and considerate SMS and / or call will be sufficient to let her know that you are supportive of her and that you will be around for her. I am sure you have other things better to do other than being with her most of the time. Besides, the both of you are still young and you should not forget your obligations and responsibilities of a man.

Hanagata SG

sweet is believing ^_^

Zarks SG

communication, communication, communication...

angel7030 SG

communication, communication, communication...

even communication must be a 2 ways communication ya, one way communication lead to failure

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