The title is what you think yet not what you think. Confuse? Let
me explain.
Just after the HR lady told me to wait in the room for the
manager, I was pretty nervous & half hoping to myself that he
would be too busy enough to meet me. Oh god, why not just the HR
alone & they just accept me into the company. Why must the
manager be so free enough to attend the interview??? Also, I was
trembling slightly due to the high air-conditioned room & was
waiting apprehensively for him to enter.
So I heard footsteps & saw a pair of legs walking towards
the room & there he opened the door, my first speed fast
impression of him was "ohh chey" but was quickly turn to "erms, not
bad?" after he walked right up to the seat & sat opposite in
front of me. He was looking at my resume & he started
explaining to me what the company was doing & he asked me very
vague questions which I was really relieve & could answer them
easily without stressing too much of my brain power. But while he
was busying himself looking down, I couldn't help but notice his
very sleek eyes. I was slightly captivated by the symmetrical
structure of his pair of eyes. It was only a micro-second moment so
I didn't stare at him with puppy-eyes, no, of course not, I remain
compose throughout the whole interview with no sign that I was
actually thinking about something else in my heart (mixture of
inconfidence, awe & hope) In the midst of it, I also discovered
that he had a very cute accent. I shall call him MY for better
reference.
After the first round ended, the second round came & I was
called down to be interviewed by two managers. MY & another.
During this time, I actually felt I got a crush coming up
especially when MY spoke japanese & I thought to myself that he
was really cute speaking it. With his sharp eyes & japanese
language, I almost mistaken him for a japanese.
I finally got in to the company & was lunching alone for
like a few days but I don't mind as I did that too during my
previous co.. You could say I was pretty much accustomed to it.
Much to my surprise & excitement, one fine day, MY came up to
me & invited me to lunch with him & the other manager. He
was smiling & I thought, 'wow'.
During lunch session with them, I couldn't bring myself to order
as I was too nervous around the presence of MY. I asked him where
he came from & what is his maritial status, he told me he was
married, oh well, not a surprise as I always expect most ppl in a
company to be either attached in one way or another. Anyways he
came from our neighbourhood country as you can see from the nick I
gave him.
Actually, true to be told, I couldn't feel any sparks or
whatever between us. Perhaps I was too much of an introvert but
then, he seems to be an introverted kind too albeit with an outer
extrovert persona.
Slowly, the next day, I asked one of my colleague out to lunch
with her, a very odd move from me. I could see MY was smiling from
ear to ear & looking at me each time I walk up & down
following my colleague. I guess he was overwhelmed by my move &
he even asked another dept. colleague to help buy lunch for him. To
'celebrate'? Do continue to read & find out why I emphasize
'celebrate'.
As time passes, I got to know another colleague & also
discovered *some* bad habits of MY & another manager. She was
bad-mouthing MY & said that he used to have lunch with them but
stop doing so as when I came in, I was silently caught up with some
internal conflicts that was going around. The conflict happened a
few weeks before I came into this company. Then I thought back
& realised that MY asking another dept. person to help buy
lunch for him was pretty strange, cause a few days later, he seemed
all by himself or with another manager in their own world, not
caring about us anymore.
At first, he was all smiley to me, even telling me I was
'bleeding' somewhere when I wasn't that visible from his sight,
trying to suppress me even, saying that I could slowly learn for
more than half a year & take my time. But hey, The girl I
was taking over is leaving soon, less than a week & he told me
that, it was fishy & reeks of question marks in my head even up
till today. Morever, her job involve some very important cilent
& needs to answer them as soon as possible.
Luckily, I was determined to pick up fast but as time passes, MY
started to show his true colours & I was pretty disappointed
with him. He was lacklustre in his job & we needed their
support most of the time.
I still have that crush on him but it's dying soon & sadly,
this job isn't going anywhere for me as I realised that they
doesn't take note of our performance. Why must I be so
hardworking..stupid me, thought it would show MY & gain his
admiration.
Should I continue to chase back the feelings or let it die down?
I had never been in a relationship before & secretly yearn for
that lovey dovey feeling. I got guys chasing me from kindergarten
till I left secondary school but it doesn't work out in the end.
After this, I started working & there was no..well..suitable
guys for me to latch on. This new job is my second one after I
quitted my first. I don't think I am a looker but I don't think I
am ugly either.
Sad..I am feeling so lonely during valentine's day tomorrow, one
colleague commented I had already found a boyfriend? because I was
so dressy today. (Is it, I can be dressy too or maybe my dressing
was too promiscuous for her eyes. Anyways, she's new to the job
like me) God,It's like indirectly saying that I was previously
unwanted? *sigh*
Serious comments please, feeling sore & don't remind me of
valentine day. again.
