Ok. I have a quick question for you guys. How many of you have a
relationship with no problems? And how many of you only see one
side of the problem when you do have one...your side that is.
ihuiling, ask yourself...why do you love this guy so much that you
find it so hard to let go? Is it because he isn't as bad as it
seems? Are you paying his way because he asks you to? Or did you
volunteer to do so? Also, if you are paying his way, you must have
a steady job. and I don't think you are a dumb person. You seem
like a relatively intelligent person. Are your expectations high?
Or are they just too soon?
I agree with you that the things you went through, the car, the
night over etc were unjustified. But you hung on. Why? Was there a
good reason? I am sure there was. There must have been one. Only
you would know. Like they say, 'nobody knows what goes on behind
closed doors'. Including myself and the other good people in the
forum. You only know the answer. And you have to find that answer
within yourself.
You say that he has been really nice to you lately, sending you to
work and all. Maybe it is the only way he can 'afford' to express
his love and care to you. He was upfront to tell you that he needs
2 years to make his money. He could have not said anything at all.
Maybe he is buying time or maybe he really is trying. However I
agree with the guys in the forum that you should NOT pay his way
for him. However IF he is NOT leeching on you, and asking you to
only be patient with him because he cannot afford to give you the
lifestyle you want, that is a different story.
I'm saying all this from my perspective. Here's why I symphatise
for 'R'. I was broke for 3 years. My wife and I lived hand to
mouth. We got married, had a kid, but still no money in the bank.
No savings/investments etc. Now my wife didn't pay my way, but she
did rough it out with me. Don't get it wrong, my wife has a good
paying job. Just not enough to pay for 2. All this happened in
2003. It's 2008 now. My financial situation has improved. But it
would not have been possible without her 'support'. Sure, she
complained a lot along the way. But she hung on. Because she loved
me. And she knew I loved her. Put it this way, Not all of us have
the luxury of financial freedom. But as long as you try to get
there, shouldn't you be given some credit for it? I say again, AS
LONG AS YOU TRY. I am also not saying that you do not support him.
Sure, you have been paying his way...Way more than anyone here in
the forum can afford to do I believe. But you guys have been only
been going out for a little more than a year......don't you think
it is a lil too much commitment on your part...or maybe way too
early for something like that?
All this said, you have already told him that it is over. I just
hope that the next relationship you find, you will find happiness.
And please....please...do not rush into so much commitment so
quickly. Enjoy your partner's company. Enjoy the relationship. Be
monogamous of course. But don't start sharing the bills (Or taking
over the bills in your case) so quickly.
If however, this relationship does work out, you have to put your
terms down. on the flipside, you'd have to hear out what his terms
are too. And if his terms is to give him time, you'd have to give
him time...not $$.
As for the ex girlfriend thing, I know how you feel. I'd flip too
if those things were done to me. But if I hung on to a relationship
that went through all that, I'd ask myself 'why'. Like they say '
Love knows no boundaries'. If you guys make it through this, 'R' is
one helluva lucky guy.
