Turning heart to stone

CrimsonWind SG

I got to know G last year. We're in the same class. Used to be sworn enemies at first, but as time passed, we got to know each other better and now we are close friends. I don't know if she does treat me as a close friend but I do, at least I can guarantee that I'm one of the closer ones with her in class. Thinking back now, we were once foe but now friend.

Everything went on nice daily, always looking out for my 2 best pals(G is one of them, the other one is a guy), always discussing what to have for lunch, enjoys the time spent with both of them, looking forward to the next laugh with them.

It was until one day(few months ago) when another guy told me that he fell for G, a strange feeling overwhelmed me...like despair. He started by asking if I like M and if we have any special bond. Of course I said no and he went on saying that he can foresee that G and I will be together but I just shooed that sentence away. Then he felt safe enough to confess that he likes G.

After that incident, I've been pondering what that feeling I had was about. I reflected my memories so many times but I couldn't come to a solution. Or maybe I should say, I didn't dare to tell myself the final answer because I know what it is. Everyday, I'm only staring at the door in the morning because the sight of G is like my coffee for the day, discussed what to have for lunch so I know that she's eating well, enjoys the time spent with her knowing that she's well and also I can hear her voice, always looking forward for the next laugh to see her smile and know that she's at least happy.

It sucks, I always thought that I treat G only like a buddy and didn't expect myself to slip so easily. I know I can't continue like this, and since we are both in the same team on an important project coming up, having those feelings for her is an even more no no. If luck is on my side, any BGR will only hinder the whole group. If luck isn't on my side, the distance that my confession will make between G and I will break the team.

That's y I need some of your valuable suggestions on how I can keep my feelings within boundaries. How do I form a heart of stone? I still want to remain as close friends with her, but I do not want to fall for her...

Thanks for your time.

CrimsonWind~

purpledragon84 SG

you really don't want to go into a r/s with her..?
it will be hard at first.. because you are so used to having her around.. laughing, sharing your encounters, practically all the stuff that you are doing involves her.. and when you get involved too much with her, you start to have feelings for her.. this is normal..
but to deliberately 'turn your heart to stone', it's gonna be one tough decision.. Let your male friend confess to her.. see what happens.. if she goes into a r/s with him, it will be exceedingly easy for you to distant yourself with her.. because she will be pre-occupied with him.. and slowly your 'position' will drop.. but that's if she really likes the guy a lot la..
but you must remember one thing.. once you decide to let this happen, it's going to be a long term thing.. you will feel like sh!t because your best friend will devote time to her bf, and not so much to you anymore, sure there will be times you all can go out together and stuff, but her no.1 will be the bf.. if all goes well, you will be a good friend with her and her bf.. but if not, you hafta be prepared to be clean forgotten..
but have you thought of a good scenario..? why do you not want to start a r/s with her..? have her to yourself..? think of the things you can do for her, making her happy, being there for her.. ask yourself this question: what if she likes you? are you going to be passive about it..? and let another guy get her..? love is not about "i see her happy with another guy then i also happy" leh.. love is selfish.. you want her, you tell her.. if you want to have a heart of stone, you must have determination.. you must know how to distant yourself from her.. when in your project or team discussion, stop playing around with her, and be all work no nonsense..
lastly, think long and think hard.. what is she in your heart? visualize, picture a life without her.. can you do it..? do you want to share your everyday life with another girl? if you can do so, then your heart of stone will come automatically.. if you think of her all the time like your "coffee for the day", you need to act..
hope it's useful advice.. cheers..

RiverFoX SG

set ur priorities rite...

dun think too much abt her by keepin ur mind occupied...
if u're meant to b 2gether, u will...

CrimsonWind SG

I do not know how she thinks of me, I only know the horrific truth that I have already fallen for her. I can't believe that I'm saying this but yea... she's always been appearing on my mind. I don't even understand why and I don't even know when and how I fell for G.

I will not deny how I wish I can feel the warmth of her hands, hear the soothing sounds of her breathing, watch as she smiles back at me, knowing that she's always there. I'm spending most of my energy to hold back my feelings. It's hard... so hard... and I'm so tired. Dammit! She's only a friend!!!!! How did this even happened?!

Uncertain SG

Just remember this:

Treasure this very moment till both of u may part... and confess only on the day both of u graduate... if kena reject can till feel better after that... cos may not meet again.

I think a good way to turn ur heart into stone is maybe to tell u the fact that:

"when girls become very good friends with a guy, NORMALLY that means that the guy doesn't qualify to be her bf ..." Typically, girls will refrain from getting to close with the guy she likes... LIKE I SAID TYPICALLY.

Darkness_hacker99 SG

AGREE!
Neutral Neutral Neutral Neutral

purpledragon84 SG

guys like to think too much.. don't let her friendliness mislead you.. give you false hopes.. if she says no.. you are going to fall hard.. if you aren't going to make the move, just cut down meeting her everyday.. of course not too obviously.. and from what Uncertain said about females being good friends with guys they don't fancy, you will have to think hard whether is she interested in you.. look for the subtle signs of interest.. simple body contact and stuff.. if not, then all the enjoy laughing and joking with you, is JUST enjoys laughing and joking with you..

of course you can go all out offense and go jio her and stuff but i guess that's out of topic here.. so just consider hard before you make any decision..

angel7030 SG

Huh! must wash my eyes, am I reading correctly, gals good fren with guy they dun like, Well! exceptionally, i dun like to sent wrong signal to guys, if i dun like or not comfortable with the guy, i will tell him directly instead of becoming good frens that can be a heavy implication of wrong signalling that I like him.

As for guy i like, i chiong liao, why refrain??? U think old time love story huh.

Uncertain SG

Angel7030 is exception Laughing

oOprinceOo SG

ur selfish. lol dont wan her. bud dont want others to get her.

CrimsonWind SG

Thank you all for your replies. I seriously have no idea what I should say now… All I know is, these feelings for her are totally…making me feel weird…bah i don’t know how to phrase it with words…

CannyOng SG

Why not try to woo her? Give yr best shot.... Treat her nice nice! Mr. Green
Make her feel good and in cloud nine.

yiha093 SG

*ahem* Laughing

Yunhaier SG

How do you want to turn your heart into stone when you cannot escape the fact that the heart is indeed made up of flesh and blood?

And because you can't, there's no way you are able to avoid feeling what you are feeling - an avoidance tactic will never resolve your inner turbulence. You can always tell yourself a million times that you don't want to fall in love with her, but if that's of any help in the first place, then you probably won't be in agony.

The truth is that you are suffering because you are resisting against this natural rhythm of life - you got to accept the emotions that are surfacing and decide how are you going to deal with this love. Constraining Love's presence will only encourage it to escalate out of control and it usually promises much misery.

You cannot return back to where you come from; you can only decide how you want to move from here. Upon realization of your feelings for your woman, there is simply no way you can revert back being a close friend, without this overwhelming, flooding love that seeks to embrace your relationship with her.

Deny all you want - at the end of the day, you will face your naked soul alone, with all the suppression you coerced yourself to believe in.

Sometimes in Love, a boy never grows into a man... until you introduce a competitor. The competitor is not a competitor; it's a catalysis for transformation. Idea

Cheers

TTRules SG

Hey bro,

Whatever you do, DO NOT confess. I hope you havent done that. Play it cool and easy. Confession is not the only way to be together with someone (unless you or her is the "must ask properly then can be officially together kind", go ahead and ruin your chances)

Leave those being nice to her the boyfriend caring way only AFTER you are together. Not before, you will freak her out.

Tell me more about yourself, what are your passions in life and how do you spend your time? How often do you hang out with G and what are her interests? How attractive do you think she is (my apologies if you are offended by this question)?

If your long term goal in mind is to be together with her, then chill. But if what you want is just to get this feeling out of you, go ahead and let her know. It'll be a wonderful experience Very Happy

Uncertain SG

Originally posted by TTRules:
Hey bro,

Whatever you do, DO NOT confess. I hope you havent done that. Play it cool and easy. Confession is not the only way to be together with someone (unless you or her is the "must ask properly then can be officially together kind", go ahead and ruin your chances)

Leave those being nice to her the boyfriend caring way only AFTER you are together. Not before, you will freak her out.

Tell me more about yourself, what are your passions in life and how do you spend your time? How often do you hang out with [b]G and what are her interests? How attractive do you think she is (my apologies if you are offended by this question)?

If your long term goal in mind is to be together with her, then chill. But if what you want is just to get this feeling out of you, go ahead and let her know. It'll be a wonderful experience Very Happy

[/b]

Laughing u sounds like a psychologist

de_middle SG

Cannot agree more.....I like ur explanation bro Wink

Hey TS, in the meantime, learn to control that emotion of yours, take this time to see the surroundings & if she's meant to be your...that opportunity will surely come. Yes, wait till after graduation....gd luck Wink

Uncertain SG

Thanks bro,

This is the wisdom i got after 21 years of failing r/s Laughing Cool

remorseless SG

Just 21 years? Well, don’t worry, you’ll soon learn to become numb to people disrespecting you & taking you for a fool…

CrimsonWind SG

On the first look, you'll never notice her. Even if you do, you may even have a bad impression of her because of her attitude.

But hey, it's because of her attitude that made me fall for her. It's her attitude that gave her a unique character, a character that never dulls. She's always full of surprises, full of energy and hype. When she turns around and looks at you, you know that something fun is about to happen but you won't know what it is. I can say hi to her when we meet but she'll just look pass me and returns a blunt 'orh...' and i'll be like, wth(thoughts)... But then right at the next minute, she'll spring back and we'll be in a convo full of laughters.

I'm an outgoing guy and i like fun. Not just mainly plain fun like games or such because that kind of fun never lasts. I prefer fun for example like something intriguing, something that will keep that memory emblazoned forever in your mind.

What's freaky is that I did not even realise myself falling for her until my friend confessed that he likes her... I'm have not confess yet and I'm not willing to take the risk any time soon...