Friendship problems

last SG · 2007-10-23T21:22:31+00:00

she is great, just that sometimes she gets flustered and stressed over things easily. no matter how much time she has for me, i respect the fact that she wan...

sEphIrOth SG

I am posting on behalf of my girlfriend because she seemed stressed about this. It may be kind of long, so please bear with it.

She had 3 friends, N, D and K. N has no boyfriend. D and K had boyfriends. Somehow or other, K and D were cold to her because she spent time with me more than she spent time with them. They told her that she once told them that she would spend time with them and now that she is attached to me, she spends little time with them.

They are angry that she spends time with me and neglecting them. Another thing is that she is supposed to meet them two weeks ago. N could not make it and that left D K and her. She decided to meet me after my recovery period as I just came out from hospital. D and K were bringing their BFs along and she felt left out and because I was just released from the hospital, she came to see me. Because of this, they were angry.

She tries to sms or talk nicely to them but they try to tell her harsh things or tell her that things would get worse if they talk. K even said that friends would be more important than boyfriends and it should apply to my girlfriend too.

I wonder how to salvage the situation when her friends fail to see her side of the story and that they keep making harsh and sacarstic comments to her. She wants to go out with them to hopefully make things go better but I warned her that she would get the cold treatment from them and it would not bode well for her.

I hope there can be some suggestions on what to do because she is very stressed and pressurized by this issue. I tried to tell her to wait for them to cool down before messaging them again or even to talk things out.

What are your points of view? Any advice to give? Thank you. Smile

spinsugar SG

My biased verdict (to be taken with pinch of salt): K and D are typical void deck Ah Lians who play these petty little games with your gf and N because they feel very insecure about themselves and want her attention. It's a selfish thing. Real friends are understanding.. they don't rip each other to bits over small matters like this, they talk it out.

My biased solution : Ur gf and N should have a talk with K & D. If K&D still persist with their smutty ways, they're bad news, get rid of em. Too much trouble for such low-quality "friendship".

yiha093 SG

i dun understand…..............................................

sEphIrOth SG

Originally posted by spinsugar:
[b]My biased verdict (to be taken with pinch of salt): K and D are typical void deck Ah Lians who play these petty little games with your gf and N because they feel very insecure about themselves and want her attention. It's a selfish thing. Real friends are understanding.. they don't rip each other to bits over small matters like this, they talk it out.

My biased solution : Ur gf and N should have a talk with K & D. If K&D still persist with their smutty ways, they're bad news, get rid of em. Too much trouble for such low-quality "friendship".[/b]

nope they are in poly now. i find them not understanding enough. but we tried to clear things up but eventually K and D happened to be sacarstic so we decided to let them cool down.

my gf has had them as friends for 3 years and to think that being attached to me and 'neglecting' them would be a reason for their sarcasm. as much as i would like my gf to be frens with them, i dont think things could be ever the same again, or could it? Question

Sakuraflower SG

the situation can be improve as ur galfriend try to explain her situation to them and it may take them some time to get use to the new changes around and friendship and love is equally important!

See whether the friends have a change in the attitude!

if not, try find other friends!

Nikar2 SG

solution: get the 4 of them into a hotel to mass-orgy with you.
1 guy on 4 girls. settle everything liao.

and make sure you save up your sperm for several months first, don't wank these few months.
otherwise, when the time comes for you to mass-orgy 4 girls, you won't have enough to spray.

cloud210 SG

Get new friends lar.. That kind of friends, are fair weather friends. Its like, you have alot of money, these people friend friend you, when you no money, they would even not hesitate to spit on you. Real friends are people who standby you whether you got boyfriend or not, neglect neglect lor, they her parents ar? Wan your gf to greet them everytime she see them anot?

Don't give way to them, it only allows them to think they are higher social status than you and will only time to time show some f up attitude to keep ur self esteem low.

Show them that you don't need them, live a quality and fulfilling life with you and your girlfriend, spike them when they see you, don't do it purposely, just love each other more everyday. You can most propably expect 2 things to happen, either they do more stunts to you and your gf, or they come begging to be friends with you again.

This method has no disadvantages. It only serve to strengthen your r/s with your gf. Live for yourself, don't live for others.

*the above comments is a direct solution assuming you'r telling the truth based on your story.

Zarks SG

my point of view.. those friends of your gf …. are moronic bastards… tell your gf to ignore them… such a childish immature stupid friend of your gf… thsy should go to hell

sgfopubacc SG

Most of sadness are from the bad relations.

Do not be too naive about heterosexual relationship.

Andkel SG

I second that!! Dun have to tell them to go to hell though! Hahaha

Dun bother about it. Of course you must convince your g/f not to take it too hard also. I guess it's easier for you to ignore the two, but it's your g/f that has to face them more often. Friends are important, but so does a boyfriend!

sEphIrOth SG

the problem is after all these, she has to see them when they get back to school for a few months after they end their break.

Zarks SG

in this case, their frens are useless.. boyfriend always 1st then only fren ma... what the hell those gals think they so good ar ? Fark la.. still better leave those fren..i think they just jealous she treated TS so good than them and those kids cannot take it. .. very funny la

sEphIrOth SG

it seems that somehow they knew each other for 2-3yrs, she knew me for 3 months. then on, she went out with me and not at all for them.

well if i may say, they were having attachment and it makes it hard for them to meet as they have different shifts. however, i make the time to meet her even after her work or on her off days. she told me she tried to ask them whether they wanna go out but they said they were too tired.

then now they say that she is not caring about them. one fren even said tt frens r more impt that is why she shudnt do this. i feel it is unfair for me as she has her own priorities and her own decisions, why does her fren need to force their ideas into her head? new priorities come up at different times what... isnt that true?

tinuviel07 SG

seems selfish to me too.. i kinda did what ur gf did.. but now when i go out with them, they just treated me like before.. won't say like i neglect them or make things difficult for them..

sEphIrOth SG

im really drained of my ideas to help her. i dont know what to do to make her mind at ease.

countdracula SG

just ask your gf to tell her friends that you’re not into orgies and grow up….15 years from now when you’re undergoing mid-life crisis and in a deadbeat job, you’ll regret not spending enough time on your studies instead of behaving like a bunch of 14 yr-olds…...

Zarks SG

lol no wonder... 2 - 3 years friends is considered useless fren la.. what the hell they think after ur gf did ask them to come out but they never go out cuz too tired.. and now they said shes not caring lol !!!! Bunch of stupid kids.. heaves of sigh...

Anyway, if ur gf really headache bout this i got the solution,

u as her gf shuld have understand her need to have some friends too.. so mayb u shud give one day a week for ur gf to have fun with those kids.. so mayb only on sat or sunday she is avaiable for frens outing..

but really dude, ask ur fren to becareful with those kids...they really immature bastards... 2 -3 years fren is not considered a true friend.. a true friend wont even bother if u spend more time with their love one... just ask ur gf to beware and alert bout them... not to say dont trust but just hope that ur gf's friend doesnt end up get cheatin and betrayed. frens are frens.. but some moronic frens tend to betray each other... just my 5 cents advice.., prevention is better than cure anyway

Zarks SG

or... u can ask ur gf to stay away from that bastards... its obvious they dont like the idea she spend more time with you and they see it as a wrong way..

lol... im still laughing here... i mean those bastards just dont know what is true friends.. lol.. ur gf can lose some of those bastards la.. theres no point to be with those bastard if they cant even understand what u really want . am i right ?

Isis SG

There aren't a need to meet up with friends regularly but can remain in contact via msn or occasionally drop a sms to ask how their day. Very good friends do not have to be there everyday but could be there when they need help. Her F/s with them are not mutually strong in the first place and can't reach a mutual understanding from both parties

Nmd lah, if they are really friends and they do treasure the friendship. I'm sure that they will be fine. Human are werid de. After a while, then they discover that this friendship is important. Ask ur gf to continue life as normal. Occasionally send greeting sms and asking them how are they loh. If they still like that, then let them be lah. Probably, she is better off focusing her energy on something else.

sEphIrOth SG

hopefully everything goes fine for her. i just dont like her being stressed and sad.