If you
want to act like a secret admirer, then you will live the fate of a
secret admirer. It is like a typical soap opera with you being the
supporting actor; always supporting, never the lead.
You do have initiatives in demonstrating your affection, but I
don't understand why is there a need to saunter such huge circles,
just to avoid being 'seen'. You don't even have that mote of
courage to work/improve your friendship with her beyond just plain
causal, preferring to assimilate yourself in the dark, catching
glimpse of her from afar and praying for miracles to manifest
towards your advantage?
You think with the powers of prayers your competitor will just
vanished into thin air and never to be seen again? In that case,
all corporations in the world will be incredibly pious.
They are close to each other for a reason.
But what are you to her?
What have you done?
Because in my humble opinion, you did almost next to nothing.
Talk. Have you talk to her? Hold proper conversation? You know,
those that makes her feel so comfortable with, added with tint of
humour?
Has that happened?
Or you are wishing that it will happen?
A good conversation owns all of your collective gestures you
attempted surreptitiously to evince your affection. You spend all
your time worrying about your competitor and that you didn't even
bother trying to a work out a viable strategy to market your own
presence. It is like you counting your neighbour's wealth, wasting
all the time in the world and realized that eventually, the money
still doesn't belong to you.
And to add onto the flabbergasted list - you stalked her
(Personally, I have my top three disgusted list of aberrant
behaviour resulted from catalysis of love: (i) Threaten with harm,
(ii) stalker, (iii) emotional blackmail).
Harsh reality?
I say it's time to wake up from your illusion. 
In reality you are only in love with love. All those overwhelming
feelings in which you have lionized its impact is nothing but some
dramatic self perception of fantasy, in which you have shaped the
plots into some sort of pseudo-reality pretty much surreal by
nature. Your heart probably felt so much feelings being invested,
yet it amounts to nothing - of course. How can you even have any
result, in which nothing concrete has been done, to justify a
positive conclusion?
It's like staring into darkness, thinking that you are looking at
the mirror. Then its ghastly silence reflects none of your desire.
But when you close your eyes and shape a thought in your mind eye,
the image you see is basically self conjured - it's not even a
reflection you originally wished to see yourself in, unlike looking
directly into a mirror.
Why stare into darkness when all you need is to look at the
mirror?
Why live in delusion when all you need is to find your way into
reality?
If you can't even be a good friend to the woman you love - don't
even dream about having her as your girlfriend.
Cheers
