Cancelled ROM

last SG · 2007-06-17T03:33:13+00:00

Wha Uncle! big problem hor, ok as a gal I can give you a few scenarios as to why she decided to call it off. 1. She still love her first love, because first...

oakley1976 SG

I (currently 32 yrs of age) have known this particular girl for almost 5 years. She (currently 29 yrs of age) is a very nice, thoughtful, pretty and caring. Through this 5 years we enjoyed each others company. Spend alot of our time together. Sometimes I sleep over at her place, whenever time is in favour. Come 3 and a half years of our relationship, I popped the question, asking for her hand in marriage. She mentioned that she is not prepared and not ready to commit, not because she comes from a broken family or had bad experience before. Relative and friends of ours are in favour. Finally abt a year ago, she decided to go ahead with the wedding plans.

We talked alot and decided to live together with my family and have the ROM in the first week of June 07. She and I were looking forward to the big day.

All arrangements has been made; JP, venue of ROM, invited guest, catering, ROM gown, flowers... everything... even collected the cert from ROM.

Then 3 days just before the ROM, she decided to call it off... She says she is not ready. She mentioned that she feels obliged to get married rather than wanting to get married.

She says that it is not my fault. She mentioned have been good to her and it is more than she asked for. She knows that I have been wanting to start a family with her but she is not ready and she also mentioned that she might not even want to get married...

The wedding day is over.

I met her 2 times to talk about the current state of our relationship. She mentioned that she needed time to think... needed 6 months or even longer... or even never to come to a solution. She added that during this period she wants me to seek for better pasture... and does not promise that we could be an item again.

I do not know how to discribe our current state of our relationship. She does still address me as baby, shows concern for me, sents me SMS/ MMS like we used to...

I may sound childish in this... I was allowed to hold her hand and stroke it not allowed to interlock our hands together...

I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...

Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...

Her 2 ex-bf had treated her badly. Not spending enough time with her, asking her for money.

During this past 5 years... I have always been assuring her and been faithful to her. As time went by my world revolves around her. Spending much of our time together when we are free.

Now that we are taking this time off. I feel like a part of myself missing.

She told me that she knows that I have been good to her and she could not find anyone else that treats her so well. If she is to go through this ROM it will be more of a obligation rather than love. And there is no other guys in her life currently. She asked me to look for other pastures during this cooling off period... I was dishearten. If I meant so much to her why would she asked me to look for other pastures...

I also have another interpretion of her asking me to look for other pastures... I worried that it might be as she does not want to hurt me so badly now... hopefully it does not hurt that much in 6 months.

mhcampboy SG

Do you think you can provide for her financially after you are married?

dbowie SG

Don’t pressure her so much. Give her some breather. Talk to her after you think she’s ready.

oakley1976 SG

I have a stable income.

TehJarVu SG

somehow i just feel sorry for you

in this world there is one thing we can't do,
that is, we can't force a person to love us if he/she doesn't

i hope she will love you back the way you love her

but after so many years she is still not moved enough to commit
maybe it is best you wait for the one for you, who will love you...

DC+ SG

somehow...after reading your post i felt the need to call someone Embarassed

Darkness_hacker99 SG

take care.. Sad

Patrik SG

Crying or Very sad
Must have been a slash right thru ur heart.
What is actually holding her back?
Could it be that from the time u 2 decided to get married to the time she decided to call it of,something happened in the midst that made her change her mind about the marriage?

KrU SG

Maybe this whole idea of getting married is too overwhelming for her at the moment. Give her these 6 months to think carefully about this relationship. Meanwhile, treat her like the way you do as before. Do not pressurize her into making a decision. You can also make use of the time to think of ways to assure her that you will be a good husband and father.

<Precious> SG

There probably are some skeletons in the closet. There could be another man in her life she hasn't revealed to you before......

Whatever happened have already happened. Treat it as a bad dream and not brood over it. I know the tendency to rumage through the events to make sense of it but sometimes, things happen for no reason.......

So best way forward is to look forward to your new life without this girl. Plan to live your new life as successfully as you can AND do it! Go out to get to know as many people as you can and get busy living this new life. Once you do, you'll find that the past becomes a mere blur and pales in significance to the present........ Good luck! Wink

honeymouse SG

I think there might be reasons behind what she did.

I know how hard it is for you but in a way I believe you'd rather it happened now than later (to marry then end up in divorce). At least she's being sensible and honest about the way she feels.

Just give her sometime to sort out her "issues", all you can do is to encourage her and to be there for her just as a friend would do.

"When you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours, if it doesn't, it never was."

Take care, my friend! Wink

zeny SG

To help you i need to understand a few things first.

1) Did you have sex with her?

2) if yes is she happy to go on with life with you without the ROM cert.

3) if no is she still a virgin?

4) Did her parents ever abuse her?

5) Are you willing to stay with her without getting married?

I know it mat sound strange but i need to check on her background first before i can answer you.

yihao93 SG

perhaps earn more money to show that u wont take money from her?
not forgetting to accompany her?
oh ya, perhaps her Xs using it for wad purpose?
dun ever do they same 'purpose' as they did last time?
juz to show her that u wont do the same thing? Rolling Eyes

oakley1976 SG

To help you i need to understand a few things first.

1) Did you have sex with her? Yes I did

2) if yes is she happy to go on with life with you without the ROM cert? We were happy until the day she wanted to forgo the ROM...

4) Did her parents ever abuse her? No.. But when she is much younger her parents wanted to give her up to another family... but her grandma stoped them and looked after her.... however till date she is contact wih her parents whom she gives a small token of allowance to every month

5) Are you willing to stay with her without getting married? I hope to settle down with her

oakley1976 SG

It was her ex that does that… I do not take money from her…I spend my time with her when we are not working

zeny SG

From your answer only proves one thing. She is scare of the ROM cert.
Since sex is not the problem then the rom is the main cos.

Solution, you got to ask yourself honestly,

Are you willing to take care of her without asking her to sign the ROM cert.

If the answer is yes then go back to chase her and tell her that.
If the answer is no then is better to break off with her, cos you cannot provide what she wants.

Rock^Star SG

Got a feeling she feels so guilty about "playing you out".

And of course, it would be really sad to get married because one is obliged.

Hope everything works out fine for both of you, married or not.

ispyyy SG

Actually, it is true... ROM certificate is in the end just a piece of paper

Cool-gal SG

i feel so much for u. im sorry to hear tat.
dun noe wad to say, just hope tat u'll be able to move on well.

browniebaobao SG

u muz be feeling terrible.. pat pat*

i'm gg to point out something from ur post.

she said if she marries u, it will be more of obligation than love..

so my question is, does she love u? or is she with u bcos u are too good to her, but she dun really love u?