Hello,
I went through that before, I'm still in the process of recovery
and I can tell you it's not easy -- I still get attacks every now
and then, though less frequently.
You know, I believed that I was weak, helpless and well, damaged in
every sense because of my inability to function like a "normal"
person, because of the sheer number of attacks that I suffered
from. I kept feeling that there was something wrong with me.
Coming from someone who has been there, you have you actively learn
to love yourself, build up on that a step at a time, take an
appreciative step back and look how far you've come since babyhood.
Things like that. Kick those negative thoughts, but if they do
linger, find an outlet. I used to write all those thoughts down in
a diary when they repeated in my head, I wrote accounts of the
emotionally abusive memories too. It helped, because after a while,
you run out of things to write, and you realise, those problems are
just ghosts from the past. Trust me, it takes a while before you
get it all out of your system, but write whatever comes to mind,
and when you're out of the danger zone, look back at your older
entries and try to piece together what's bothering you. You'd find
that most of the entries repeat, and you might observe repeating
patterns of negativity.
Just identify the patterns and thoughts, and go about trying to
solve them. Avoid hurtful situations if you can afford to, like if
socialising stirs an attack, avoid extensive socialising. You are
not obliged to entertain anyone if you don't feel like it, and
sometimes a simple 'No' can make your day.
The idea is to break the cycles, and learn to appreciate yourself
better.
Hey, it's not the end of the world. (: Sometimes, we get into these
ruts when we didn't receive help earlier, or recognise that we're
driving into a ditch. The road to recovery isn't easy, but if
you've got support, love and determination, you'd make it.
I was referred to a counsellor once in sec school, it didn't help
me much because I wasn't ready to receive any help. I got this far
pretty much on my own, and with the help of my bf. Not saying that
talking to a professional doesn't help, but make sure you genuinely
want help before you go seeking it.
Take things a step at your time, I'm sure you'll bounce back.
