Watching ..wat can i do ?

babyreyes SG

I havent posted anything in this thread for a long time... Anyway..i just need a space to talk to...

Ive a dear friend who has problems...but all i can do is just watch n keep my mouth shut...

Candy has a bf of 3 yrs .. theres many things tat candy doesnt approve about her bf.. many times promises were broken by him whoe once swore to correct his behaviours... However, as time goes by, candy bend herself a little to accepet who he is but still things wont really solved...

over this 3 yrs..they had numerous arguements over his same old habit... several times she burst out crying and stuff like tat.....of ccourse, back then (thats like roughly 1 yr back) i did suggest her to end her pain..but she didnt want..and the whole matter blew up even worse...Her bf knows i dont have a gd impression of him..and i guess he must have spoken ill of me as well...she had since stopped talking about their problems to me...

and all along i thought they were doing great n tat he was improving himself...little did i know tat his same old habit did not turn to the better but worse and candy suffered more...

tell me tell me... i seriously dont understand her actions... why stick with someone whom u feel tat isnt a suitable life partner? why continue holding on when u feel tat the ending is near???

I really reallly haiz..... u know as a friends..seeing her like tat really break my heart?

Ok i did try to talk to her.. but ever since tat incident where by the matter blew up..she doesnt speak much abt it until some time back when candy cant take it anymore about his bf..

i tried to find reasons for her actions... somehow felt she fear loneliness and nd someone.. tats my own view.. whenever i try to get more information on why she holding on and stuff like that..she diverts from the qtns and always change topics.. Perhaps she isnt comfortable talking to me about their problems again..or she knows wat im going to say..or she just dont wat to hear wat others want to say.. i dont know.. haiz.

i reallay dont know wat i can do..

Honeybear1990 SG

Have you been in love before?

Sometimes when a person loves someone deeply, she won't mind even staying by his/her side even if one suffers as long as she get to see him.

Have you tried talking to the boyfriend about it?

I know it hurts you to see your fren in such misery but as an outsider, perhaps the things you see are clearer at your point of view but there limitation to what you could do.

Its easy for you to asked her leave him but to her, leaving her boyfriend whom she like so much could be asking her to chop off her hand.

Don't mind me asking have she had any sexual intercourse with the boyfriend, you can choose not to disclose it.

Just asking.

Pitot SG

you cant speak totally for her. unless she asks for help. dont think there is much you can do.

caleb_chiang SG

Hmm... love can be blind sometimes....

Even if the person have tons of bad habits that irritates you, you will still stick to that person cos you love him.

You should had known this if you ever fell in love before.

Anyway, it is not good to advise people to break with the person they love as you would most probably be the person she would blame for ending the relationship. Wink

babyreyes SG

Of course ive been in love before..

but seriously..i look at her crying n crying n feeling upset all the time its really painful u know... if u really in love and happily in love, u wont be like this right?

babyreyes SG

Yesh..bad habits..tolerable ones like farting in public ok..but also must see wat bad habits mahx...

for someone who is a heavy gambler n verbally abuses... would u still stick arnd with him ?

im fully aware tat its not gd.. but i see her like tat.. it just slipped out of my mouth..

do u know tat she always come n wail n wail about him...then after tat in a split second..she stick to him like glue agan?

and ive been advising her the same thing over n over again (not break up).. nothing went in...

choco B SG

Some lessons must be learnt first hand and by herself only.
Good friends should just be supportive when the crash comes.

Honeybear1990 SG

i know, but to ask a girl to give up a relationship of 3years, ain't that easy.

There a limit to everyone toleration.

As i said, as an outsider, the thing that you could do to help is limited.

i could have friend whacking their gf at shopping mall and i choose not to interfere as i know if i interfere things won't get any better,

the guy would still whack the girl some other day again.

I choose to let the girl learn the lesson her own and to let the girl made the decision of leaving the guy wholeheartedly.

babyreyes SG

and yesh..ive spoken to her bf a couple of times 2 years back about it..n he said okok..i will change for his love....

and its the 3rd already..nothing changed obviously..if not candy wont be so devastated already right? n i cant be bothered to say much to him...

Honeybear1990 SG

Since you've attempt to talk to Candy and Candy's boyfriend, as a friend you already did what your supposed to do.

Let Candy learn her lesson, if things get worse, i'm sure she would choose to leave him one day.

For now, just monitor the situation, please do look out if the guy did any physical abuse to Candy.

babyreyes SG

in other words...just watch ..stay quiet...lend listen ear is it?

i only wish that she can be a happier person..tats all..... its really not nice to see all the rubbish tat has somehow stopped for some time (from my knowledge. but hte fact is she still faces the same problem day in day out everyday ) return again lors...

all this time i told her tat as her friend..i really wish tat she will be happy and she could choose a route tat will bring more smiles to her than tears...

i didnt openly ask her to make a quick decision... but its been a long long time... and all tis time..she been avoiding the major problem taat she is facing.. but u know..one cant be running away all the time right?

Pitot SG

ya know no one can help her if she dosent help herself.

Honeybear1990 SG

She must be glad to have a friend like you.

Since she feeling so bad now let her know that you care for her. for the moment just monitor the situation and see if it really gets out of hand.

You could also ask her out for dinner or shopping to help make her feel better ,

Take care

bb_mm SG

just be there for her.

ALW SG

Love is blind. When you love a person, you will give in to him even if he did something very wrong.

I did a few stupid things in the past for a girl, my friends tried talking to me but I never listen to them. Been hurt once, twice and thrice until my heart is dead then I realised it's time to give up.

As a true friend what you can do is listen to her problems and give her a few advices.. Be there for her whenever she needs help.

Maybe one day she will wake up and realised the man is not good enough for her while till then all you can do is stand by her.

de_middle SG

this is totally unacceptable. please there's a limit to everything..... Neutral

zeny SG

Just ignore lor.
You have done your part and she refuse to change.
The more you nag at her the more she dislike you.
DO so much for what ?

Is a simple hopeless case of : even her bf ask her to sell her body she will do it.

ispyyy SG

The truth may not be what the truth that u think it is...
Anyway, in AA, most people will talk abt their unhappiness but they never talk about their happiness... In order words, AA is simply just a mountain for people to shout out their unhappiness and the mountain will produce echo to them... Then, those people will feel shiok... that's all ><

We cant really judge what is good and what is bad since we always hear one sided story... But we can fire questions to let him or her think, directing possible directions in areas that he or she cant see due to depression, giving him or her spiritual support and blah blah...

I can understand that friend is more important and it is a pain to see yr friend suffer... But it is not up to u to make her the happiest... It is up to her bf to make her the happiest gal... Even if she break the current bf, can u guarantee tat she can find a better bf ??? There are many possible solutions to a problem... And obviously, breaking is not a solution tat she wants... And since tat is not her solution and she has no other solution, she can only run away from the problem...

babyreyes SG

at least u woke up in the end....

boka SG

That is the sole reason why i believe humans are patheic fools who fall in love.
They cannot act on rationally when they have been override by their weak emotions