By Edwin Yeo
August 27, 2006
A FEW weeks ago, there was a guy who knelt down at the basement of
Isetan Scotts carrying a sign that read: 'Please forgive me.'
While he didn't exactly explain what he had done wrong, it was
obvious that he was begging for a girlfriend/
wife/partner to come back to him.
It warms my heart each time I see such devotion, but it also makes
me want to go up to him and beat the crap out of him.
Since I didn't - I had more important things to do such as looking
at women - I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this
column to him, whoever he may be.
And if any of his friends are reading this, please let him know
that the following advice is strictly for him:
WAKE UP!
What is wrong with you? I'm sorry to say this, but guys like you,
as the song goes, give love a bad name.
More specifically, you give guys a bad name.
I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but in the history of mankind,
begging for your ex to come back has as much chance of success as
me successfully walking on water or turning water into wine,
despite my ex-partners sometimes extolling me with shouts of 'Oh
God'.
Begging in public and causing a scene has even less chance
of success than that.
Just think it through.
Your ex is probably already irritated with you for whatever it is
you have done. When she gets wind of you kneeling in front of her
workplace (presumably), which do you think will be her immediate
reaction?
1) Think you're sweet and believe that this display is a sign of
sincerity.
2) Be totally embarrassed that you are causing a scene in front of
her workplace and, because you make yourself look so pitiful, she
looks like the bad guy if she doesn't forgive you, which will make
her even more irritated with you.
3) Take two rusty blunt spoons and dig your eyeballs out.
Slowly.
Now I understand desperation and I do know that it must seem like
the end of the world to you.
'TODDLER SYNDROME'
This is perhaps hard to see at the moment, but you suffer from a
classic syndrome we psychologists (it's true, I have a certificate
from the Civil Defence proving that I finished their five-day
psychology course) like to call the Toddler Syndrome.
You see, when you're a toddler and your parents say you cannot eat
that lump that you just dug from your nose, you cry as though it is
the end of the world. Your parents see something disgusting, you
see fine Cantonese cuisine, and they're not letting you have
it.
Two minutes later, when you dig another booger out and quietly eat
when your parents have their backs turned, the world is bright and
beautiful again.
This is the same thing.
Today, you think not being with your girlfriend is the worst thing
that could possibly happen to you, and you would do anything to get
her back, even give up your dignity.
That's because you're a toddler who at this point cannot see that
you will soon produce another choice morsel from your nose.
I'm not saying that you will find another girlfriend and forget
about this one. No, I'm saying that you will face bigger problems
than this in your life (just to add to your already-sunny view of
life).
But so long as we can look at our problems and say, well, that's
not so bad, then we will be all right and eventually, that second
booger will come.
Besides, happiness, not desperation, makes a person more
attractive. Remember, it's wine and dine, not whine and dine.
