Originally posted by troubled_in_love:
I know what I am going to receive from a lot of replies here.
Insult and jokes and cheeky replies. It is okie. I still post my
story and still wanna see the feedbacks from the rest of the people
who treat it seriously.
To cut the long story short, I am in love with another girl. That
is not unusual. It is supposed to be a good thing. However the
problem is I have a wife.
Yup I am a bastard and I deserve to be castrated.
Let me ask back a question in return. When you marry, who will you
choose ? A person you like a lot, but do not like u as much. Or a
person who like you a lot but you do not like tat much ? This is
because in the past, I always thought tat it is not possible to
find a person who you like and like you in return. I always thought
that is a Moulin rouge fantasy and that is why I choose to find a
person who like me a lot. I think a lot of people will choose this
because it is supposed to be fortunate to have someone who like you
and dote on you while it is tiring to love someone who do not love
u that much in return.
However Moulin rouge fantasy is the right way to go. One should
find someone he loves a lot and in return, love you. Even though it
seems impossible
even though there are no perfect things in the
world
It is the right thing to do. If u choose the above question
to be someone who like you a lot but you do not like in return, you
will face a severe dilemma like me. Later on in life you find
someone who you like a lot and like you in return. But it is
already too late.
Typical story is like this. I used to like a girl a lot. I crazily
chased her. I failed. Totally miserable with no confidence in
myself anymore. Met another girl. Seems to like me. Go out for a
few dates. Acceptable and become girlfriend. Eventually become
wife. However we face problems such as me lacking passion and
energy in planning anything in the future with her or do anything
for her. There is just no
enthusiasm
I never really crazily like
my wife but I can live with her for many years. There are no real
problems except having little enthusiasm for anything related to
her and it is straining her. Then I met another girl and I started
to like her. I go back to the time when I crazily like a girl
again. We have similar character, similar hobbies and we like each
other. Whenever I think of the future with her, it is something I
always wanted in life. When I think of my future with my wife, all
I see is
.. a normal life
..
So what should I do ? Divorce and try to seek a new life with the
new found love ? We
only live once and being in a unfeeling
relationship is not helping any of the parties. Stay with my wife
and become a moral and responsible man ? Furthermore all love dies
down one day and I just never see the potential problems I have
with the new love.
What should one choose ?
I think the part in bold forms the basis of your dilemma. The
only mistake you've made in this whole episode is not being true to
yourself - I could be wrong in my assessment, but that's your call.
This is clearly born out by your various accounts of marrying your
wife out of convenience (from her age to the fact that you couldn't
bear to breakup prior to marriage and just went with the flow)
rather than love.
Unlike some others who have opined in this thread, I neither
believe the woman you're infatuated with nor your wife to be the
cause or primary consideration in this picture as far as resolving
your personal dilemma goes - so long as you are unable to convince
yourself the one you're with (whoever this may be) is worth a
priceless lifetime which you only get to live once, this problem
will never be fully eradicated. The quintessential difference
between relationships and other aspects of your life where you
could apply the "you only live once" philosophy to (and thereby,
justifying the need to get the best deal out of everything in life)
is that you have to live with your decision and that these
decisions are oftentimes irrevocable. After all, you can't ditch
your wife now and expect to remarry her later on if you can't find
a better mate the way you could ditch using a brand of soap for
another and revert back to the original later, can you?
That said, I don't think you should live with your mistake of not
having been true to yourself when making commitments to your
present marriage. If anything, it's time you followed your
instincts (which are evident, albeit subtle) and start being true
to yourself in the decisions you take. While I may have a hunch of
what you might decide to do, it's still very much your call to make
(wanting to make a decision and actually having the courage to do
so are different matters altogether) - and one that needs to be
made for you to be true to yourself. After all,
you only live once.
