Don't condemn people in AA

last SG · 2007-06-22T16:26:18+00:00

Well, you're the one who claims to be an old man, so "kid" is relative. Better yet, you're an old man who still has to worry about his boss looking over his...

caleb_chiang SG

Well, it is a forum... there bound to be people with different opinion against each case.

So, who are to judge those people who posted the way that you mentioned? Did you not post this way before?

People who posted their agony on the net mainly seek not of advices but to vent their anger or release their stress. Do you think good advices can be found on the net?

Even if many see the so called good advices/opinions, TS might think otherwise, like an insult to the TS...

If you still don't agree with what I say, let's just let the moderators do the answering to the post that people post in AA so that we will not actually inflict any hurt to the TSes of AA... Laughing

caleb_chiang SG

Why not just state that if you can't stand the comments, don't post. Seek a professional... Laughing

AndrewPKYap SG

You see how a simple sentence like "There is Karma!" can lead to misunderstanding?

see that? This is why never condemn... I could have condemned you and said... "You are a stupid idiot to believe in Karma" condemning you and condemning your belief... and I would have been wrong because you it was a misunderstanding.

See? I am not perfect and I can be wrong and therefore for me to condemn you is really stupid of me isn't it? For me to condemn you shows that I did not take into consideration that I could have misunderstood, I might not know the whole story and in fact it is acting and behaving like I am GOD.

Just a simple sentence like "There is Karma!" and if I condemned you, it would have resulted in very bad feelings between us and all because I faile to recognize that I am not GOD and condemned you.

Originally posted by binarynwitz:
Being judgemental has [b]close to nothing to do with advising. Citing my previous example, I judge the man as being stupid, because there are lots of girls around, why do he have to break up someone else's relationship?

I judge him, but that does not affect what I will say to him - "Don't break up someone's relationship. The same thing may happen to you."

Why do I say that? Because if he breaks up the relationship and become an item with the girl, there is no saying that he WILL NOT come to AA again with this thread - "F***! SOME ASS JUST STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND!"

And the cycle goes on and on. Just because of one small action.

Am I being wrong by condemning his actions, or being judgemental here? I'm offering him my point of view. And that is why is he here, right?

To counsel people of different, maybe conflicting, views, so that he can make the best decision.

You are too much of an idealist, Andrew. As long as AA remains an open forum, the people who seek AA's advices, will continue to be subjected to judgements, and condemnations.

Instead of being an idealist, and attempt to create an utopia-ish enivironment in AA, why not spend the time to help more people with their problem Question [/b]

hahaha this thread is to help those that like to condemn people with their problem of having an attitude of condemnation. You don't think that having an attitude of condemnation is a big problem but I can tell you that it is a huge problem! Like in the example cited above, at the very least, never be quick to condemn and acknowledge that people are not GOD and misunderstanding will always happen.

When you say: "Don't break up someone's relationship. The same thing may happen to you."

Is not condemnation because, how have you condemned him?

You did not utter any words of condemnation as far as I can see.

You did not say: "You are "condemned" (change the word "condemned" to your liking) for breaking up someone else relationship".

You did not say: "Someone will break up your relationship because you tried to or you break up someone else's relationship". (Condemning all his future relationships)

You are assuming that breaking up every relationship is bad... then better don't have divorce.

You are assuming that the guys action is what will break up other people's relationship... then how do you account for all those relationships that broke up without a third party involved?

You don't know and you will never know and you can never know everything.

so while it is right to say: "Don't break up someone's relationship. The same thing may happen to you."

it is wrong to say: "You are "condemned" (change the word "condemned" to your liking) for breaking up someone else relationship".

and it is wrong to "judge the man as being stupid, because there are lots of girls around" because although there might be "lots of girls around", that is the girl he likes.

If you advise him... "Better for you to go after another girl you like that is lonely and not attached for I think that you will have more success than for there are lots of girls around."

No condemnation and yet, good advice.

If you advise him... "You know, you might come to have bad conscience about breaking up their relationship and that might spoil your relationship with her in the future...."

No condemnation and yet, good advice.

AndrewPKYap SG

and no condemnation... giving an honest opinion is not the same as condemning people.

it is wrong to say: "You are "condemned" (change the word "condemned" to your liking) for breaking up someone else relationship";.

and it is wrong to "judge the man as being stupid, because there are lots of girls around" because although there might be "lots of girls around", that is the girl he likes.

If you advise him... "Better for you to go after another girl you like that is lonely and not attached for I think that you will have more success than for there are lots of girls around."

No condemnation and yet, good advice.

If you advise him... "You know, you might come to have bad conscience about breaking up their relationship and that might spoil your relationship with her in the future...."

No condemnation and yet, good advice.[/b][/quote]

Don't tone down your opinion!!!!!!!

You see or not? I said don't condemn and you take it as "tone down your opinion"... do you see that? People have misunderstanding all the time! When you condemn someone, you fail to understand that people have misunderstanding all the time.... when you condemn, you think that you are GOD and will never have any misunderstanding and therefore have the right and the capacity to condemn.

AndrewPKYap SG

If you know how difficult it is, why do you still favour people condemning others?

You can only be more specific or less specific and you cannot be perfectly specific!

Even if you are perfectly specific, other people might still "catch no ball"

It is this attitude, this attitude that we are all humans and as humans, we "misunderstand " miscommunicate " "miss this miss that " all the time and must never condemn.

About your smoking example. You assume that you have the right and is reasonable not to tolerate the smoke and smoker.

You are forgetting one thing (and that is most likely only one of many considerations that are out there) and that is, if you have a tolerant attitude, to the point that others smoking in a room does not get to you... if you have an attitude like that, it might speak of you living a non-stressful life.

Stress as you know can kill and cause lots of problems and diseases.

So getting very annoyed at the smoker and you fight with him just to get him to stop... you might not die of smoking related diseases but die of stress related diseases.

I used a lot of if and might... because I recognize that I am not GOD and I do not condemn you for thinking that you should chase the smoker out of the room.

If I use condemning words like: "You are an idiot... you have this type of attitude, you will die of stress related diseases."

Won't that make me an idiot for condemning you like that?

So give your opinions, give your strongest opinions, give your no-holds-bar opinions but never condemn because you are not GOD.

jojobeach SG

Andrew,

You're going a little bit over board with this condemnation thing.

Please stop telling the users here they have no right to condemn, because , you are also not GOD.

AndrewPKYap SG

Please defend your position why people has the right to condemn and we see where you are coming from... sound reasoning, superstitions, religious beliefs, half-baked ideas, illusions or alien philosophy...

I have backed up all my statements.

I am not telling people not to condemn by stating that I am GOD.

Can you please tell me where I said people must not condemn others because I (GOD) said so?

Can you please tell me my reasons why people should not condemn others and where my reasoning have failed?

How about this:

"YOU have gone overboard, please stop telling me to Please stop telling the users here they have no right to condemn, because , you are also not GOD." Laughing

jojobeach SG

Having the right to condemn or not , is something you or I , has not right to determine. Because like you said, we are not GOD.

Condemnation via words serves no purpose other than an expression of frustration or disagreement to the related action or thoughts.

To keep the forum postings civilised and cordial.
You can only set up some guidelines along this.

Do not use, deragatories, vulgarities, hostilities or threats of physical nature.

Incase you didn't realised
Quote" Can you please tell me where I said people must not condemn others because I (GOD) said so?"
Your postings says so .. all over this thread.

caleb_chiang SG

He just trying to play saint... but he isn't... Laughing

By posting this type of thread will only lead to people condemning each other because of their different opinion. But in my opinion, quite a number of forumer shared the same view...

What rights you have to condemn those who condemn people in AA???

If you are not condemn, you would not had started a thread and said what you said. By doing, you are condemning. Thus you contradict yourself. Laughing

AndrewPKYap SG

Please show me where... where did I say "people must not condemn others because I (GOD) said so?" instead of giving reasons why people should not condemn others.

You want to go around condemning others and think that having this kind of attitude is good, that is your prerogative...

Please don't spread your "condemnation disease" around...

AndrewPKYap SG

50... Laughing

caleb_chiang SG

Rolling Eyes

browniebaobao SG

ah square!!!

long time no see u in sgf~!

AndrewPKYap SG

U ppl think AA is chit chat issit? Embarassed

jojobeach SG

Andrew,
Please lor, why you kill so many brain cells for this so called "condemnation"?
It is not a crime issit ?
It is not a sin , issit ?

When a person kena verbal condemned.. does he/she goes straight to hell ?
Does he/she losses one limp?

So , why are you making such a big deal ?
What are you trying to achieve ?

Question

yah lah, we all know lah.. verbal condemning is not very nice lah.
That's about lor.

AndrewPKYap SG

Since this is AA, I am trying to tell people not to live life with the attitude of condemn condemn condemn disease... because....

jojobeach SG

Andrew,

Frankly, I think perhaps you worry too much for other people.

Those people who condemn others, do you really think they care about ruining the relationship at all ?
They don't care.

Even if that person really got cursed and end up with a broken body parts. The person who condemn will not feel a pinch, because they don't care about the person they condemn.

Nobody makes condemnation a habit or hobby.
Because there is nothing to gain, other than rantings of anger.

Same as cussing, you cuss at someone, does it hurt them ? No. But maybe you feel better . That's all.

So Andrew, I know you probably has good intentions, but going the way with "because you are not GOD" makes you look like a Fanatic.
Nobody likes a Fanatic as much as a "condemn-er"

M©+square SG

Allos! Laughing

I'll only be around around this time of the year.
You going to Sentosa today?

MiX Metal SG

Andrew,

I understand what you're trying to do, even if we may not agree with each others opinions most of the time. But its not going to possible for everyone to give advise your way. We are all different, thats what makes each and everyone of us unique.

And sometimes it may look like we're condemning the TS but it may not be the case as well. If you expect each and everyone to think and act like a "Super Human" like you. It is once again not possible as the readers here are from different age groups.

And not to mention most of us if not all of us are not counselors. Who's to say that the harsh way is negative and your way is positive ?

And you believe that the brain is so unreliable, so can I safely say that even your point may not be the correct way as well?

And if I'm not wrong you mention we should not enforce our way of thinking onto others ??

You are doing it now, forcing others to see things your way.

No offence, I could be wrong. Wink

Yunhaier SG

Why? Neutral

Cheers

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