Don't condemn people in AA

last SG · 2007-06-22T16:26:18+00:00

Well, you're the one who claims to be an old man, so "kid" is relative. Better yet, you're an old man who still has to worry about his boss looking over his...

zeny SG

In AA we can only advise from our point of view.
IS up to the TS to chose which path he or she wants to lead.
Is NOT us as the advisers who would or could forced them to do what we want, is them who will chose the path they want to go.

There is no such thing as the perfect path.
Every path has is pros and cons.
I have seen so many cases that after the TS chosen a path and come back here to complain is bad and decided to blame it on the advisers.

Sadly to say thats life if the TS has chosen the path please do not blame others, no one force you and there is no such thing as the good path.

AndrewPKYap SG

Frankly, I think perhaps you worry too much for about me.

Some of those people who condemn others, do not realise that they are ruining their relationships, they care.

Even if that person really got cursed and end up with a broken body parts. The person who condemn will not feel a pinch, but their attitude will lead to them living life in an illusionary manner as if they are GOD and spoil their relationships with others.

Nobody makes condemnation a habit or hobby. Because there is nothing to gain, other than rantings of anger, but many of these people do not realise that they are doing it at the expense of good relationships with others.

Same as cussing, you cuss at someone, does it hurt them ? No. But maybe you feel better AND if condemning others is your way of life, you will spoil many of your relationships.

So jojobeach, I know you probably has good intentions, but going the way with hounding me trying to make a case for not condemning others makes you look like a Fanatic.
Nobody likes a Fanatic as much as a "condemn-er" Laughing

AndrewPKYap SG

This is so much more than giving advice in AA. If you live life with an attitude of condemning, condemning, condemning... you are unlikely to be able to solve problems effectively and you spoil many of your relationships with classmates, colleagues and family. Better to be objective rather than condemn condemn condemn....

I am not forcing anyone even if I can force someone... Laughing

Of course my point may not be correct, that is why I do not simply say: You must not condemn people. Period.

I laid out my reasons and if you do not agree with me then you have to point out which reason you do not agree with...

Since you cannot and did not tell us which reasons you did not agree with, then even if you are right, it is pointless... nobody knows because nobody knows why you could be right or wrong....

browniebaobao SG

no. u going har?

u are the 4th person who asked.

btw Andrew, i dun intend to chit chat in here hor, juz that.. really v long time no see ah square post.

browniebaobao SG

yalor.. why har?

dun tell me u are going thailand to get a wife and settle down there hor.

MiX Metal SG

I think you've misunderstood me again. I'm not saying that condemning is right and I not saying its wrong.

Everyone has their own way of expressing how they feel after reading the threads. You can't expect everyone to be same. By saying that those readers are condemning the TS because you or any other one feels so after reading the replys and saying they are wrong to give such advise don't you think in the same time you are as well condemning these people and judging them as well ??

Human Beings are imperfect. There is no why to change it.

I don't think there is really a way to prevent harsh remarks ........ maybe we can try our best to restrain ourselves from calling names (eg. Bitch... on so on)

MiX Metal SG

A very good example of we are all different can be seen in this Thread.

We have a good amount of people agreeing and disagreeing with you. We can't say that those that agree with your views are right nor can we say that those that disagreed are wrong.

Guidelines can be set, but at the same time there will always be others that will disagree ........ What do you do then ??

jojobeach SG

Andrew,

Ok. I surrender.
You win. Wink

Off to get my cold mug of beer for the day.

binarynwitz SG

Condemn:

to express an unfavourable or adverse judgement on; indicate strong disapproval of; censure.

I indicate strong disapproval of what the third party is doing or is going to do - I'm condemning his actions.

Yet this strong disapproval (also condemnation) does not prevent me from giving him my advice.

It is sound advice, but it is also an advice with condemnation inside.

Some people NEED some scolding to "wake up their idea".

Take my previous example: That guy actually said that, "What don't steal other people's girlfriend? If you find so hard and finally find someone you love, you don't fight meh? That's called being a coward, not being a man!"

Well. I don't find it really wrong to condemn this guy to hell. Though I don't do it, but still....

Yunhaier SG

I tot that was Kopi instead? Twisted Evil

Cheers

AndrewPKYap SG

So what are you saying then?

Yes some of them start to condemn others

I am not expecting everyone to be the same... I am just pointing out to people that
1. The human brain is limited
2. The Information that is required to make a judgment is seldom adequate and accurate
3. The thought processes in Human Beings' heads are unreliable (including your own and my own)
4. To condemn people given 1,2,3 above is not very wise and will lead to strained relationships... and some people might not realise this and I hope that some people now recognises this fact and change, especially if they cannot understand why they seem to have bad relationships all round while other people seem to have good relationships all round. One of the big reasons could very well be that the are always condemning others.

Of course I am not, show me why and how...

and so let's stop all schools and educational systems... let's close down AA and every other sites or counseling centers... because like you say: "There is no why to change it."

If people continue to condemn others... that is their prerogative... hey, if they want to behave like they are GODS and they do not think that condemning people will spoil their relationships with others... and they do not treasure having good relationships with others... what can we do? We tell people and warn people but they insists on doing it ... so be it.

You do it, you suffer the consequences... life is fair.

AndrewPKYap SG

We all have automatic thoughts in our heads... and in this case, it is highly probable that in most people's heads the thoughts will be:

"What a f.......g i.......t; haven't he heard of Karma? Hell-fire? Haven't he heard of Do unto others? Doesn't he consider how bad the guy will feel? Doesn't he consider how he will feel if someone does it to him?"

Yet our assumptions is that if he breaks up other people's relationship, the "other guy" will suffer (we can guess, we can never be sure)

We have also no way of knowing whether the breakup he caused will turn out to be a blessing in disguise for that guy. (we can guess, we can never be sure)

You might say... "Don't give me all that situational morality [email protected], wrong is wrong"

and he said: "No it is not wrong... it is fair competition...."

So is your "It is wrong" correct
or his "It is fair competition" correct?

You think you know.... you are so sure... especially before he came out with his : "It is fair competition"

To him he might even be doing the girl a favour!

So is trying to do the girl a favour wrong?

I don't know... you don't know... we don't know... we are not GOD!!!!!!

Don't condemn others. If you do... you will have very bad relationships all round....

Xiaozzhen SG

You Really think so? Razz

The man who was death SG

i think it would be good to have some guidelines on the way or the tone u express your point of views but not to restrict any views or judgements.....

i mean some ppl will post negative replies to the ts in a very harsh or "comdemning" tone...it's not wrong to have negative views but at least u can try to put forward your views in a less harsh tone....

i think it's better this way cos when ts post in aa it shows that ts is willing to listen to views from ppl but when u post your negative replies in such a harsh tone, some ts will naturally can't take the heat, ppl mostly with problems come to seek comforting words, when faced with such a harsh tone they might not be able to take it and will not want to listen to negative views and might even feel that no one understand his/her problems....

whether u post your views in a very harsh tone or a less harsh tone, it's still your own view but if u post it in a less harsh tone, ts might be more willing to listen and think over problems more thoroughly with more views from ppl....

MiX Metal SG

I do not fully agree with you. Like you say, my positive might be your negative and at the same time your positive may be my negative. It dosen't mean that if I condemn someone's action or hehavouir means that I feel that I am GOD it simply means that I do not agree with it.

You say you are not expecting everyone to be the same, but after reading your replys against all those that disagree with you ...... I'm having doubt about what you say. (But I could be wrong again as u said our brains are unreliable)

If the thread starters are not able to accept all the different kinds views from the readers here which sometimes are abit too harsh I admit then I suggest they don't post here as I don't think there can be a 100% way of preventing it.

All I can say is that you are someone that believes strongly in your so call values of life, the proper way to behave. I respect you for that.

BadzMaro SG

Why do ppl just love to contradict themselves after a long session of posts.. Laughing

MiX Metal SG

Because our brains are unreliable ?? Laughing

M©+square SG

If andrew is talking about those who posted here seeking pregnency/abortion advices, or those who had marital affairs and doesn't know what to do. Or those who have done mistakes which is morally wrong.

Don't condemn them.

I'll agree with that.

royale9 SG

Yeah. but in the end there will still be condemnation.

There's nothing we can do abt it.

AndrewPKYap SG

I am not GOD I don't know, I can only guess... or try to find out... Laughing

« Previous Page Next Page »